One damn thing after another

As you observe thoughts, without the effort to judge or analyze or change, you might notice that thoughts slow down. The gaps in-between expand. You notice also that many of our thoughts are of self-judgment. This may not be obvious at first--well the obviously self-judgmental thoughts are clearly self-judgmental, but you begin to notice that almost all of your thoughts are in some way about judgment and about self. This self of course does not exist--that is, it does not point to anything Read more [...]


"We can understand only that which we have risen above."  --Vernon Howard Ah, here it is. Life has sweetness to it--an easy flow. After four years of seeking, and turmoil and confusion, here is the easy peace that was always here. The effort has fallen away. Go ahead and dive into self-discovery. Yes, it does take courage and honesty. And yes, there is a shaking up, some turmoil. You may feel you're worse off than before for while. Maybe for a long while. Facing your self is not Read more [...]

Where to go from here?

When you see that the you you take yourself to be is a fiction--when you actually recognize this, not just agree with it--what happens is...nothing. Nothing actually changes. The old patterns of fear and emotions and delusions remain firmly in place. Well, not firmly. You still get caught up in fearful and self-ish patterns but you see the fiction of it, you start seeing the whole thing as a drama, and that does bring some clarity. photo credit: hoshi7 But these embodied patterns and Read more [...]

What works and what doesn’t work

What works What I talk about here I talk about from direct experience. There is nothing here which is based on beliefs or concepts. In the last four or five years of exploring, these are things I've found: -Most human beings operate from fear and desire. This is what the Buddha called dukkha, or discontent, or if you want to be cute about it, call it dis-ease. We are not easy with life. -Most of us have accepted this state of discontent and unease as our natural state. -All of our troubles Read more [...]


Last week I felt fear, in reaction to a life event. Anxiety, or any other negative emotion, does not have the same gripping power as it used to, but nevertheless I found it curious that fear should come up at all. I notice it first as body sensations, usually a butterfly feeling in the belly. This is the trick to releasing. Once you can see that emotions are just an association between thought and body-sensations, it's pretty easy to release. A feeling is an intuitive message in the body; Read more [...]

Recognizing Dishonesty

The you that you think of as you (and that thinks of you as you, and so on) is not you, it’s just the character that the underlying truth of you is dreaming into brief existence. Enlightenment isn’t in the character, it’s in the underlying truth. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a dream character, of course, unless it’s your goal to wake up, in which case the dream character must be ruthlessly annihilated. If your desire is to experience transcendental bliss or supreme love or altered Read more [...]

You do not exist — tips and obstacles

  It’s not like you existed, and someone came by and said here, this is your body, and your mind, and your awareness, and your life. Now go and live your life. That didn’t happen. ~~~~~~~~~~ What happened was an infant was born. A body-mind-awareness-life was born as an infant. The you came later. You is only an idea. ~~~~~~~~~~ The you that is weaved into every one of your thoughts and emotions and beliefs does not refer to anything. ~~~~~~~~~~ Look at this in real life. Read more [...]

Why you won’t look

Honesty We're not concerned about external honesty here. That kind of honesty that we want, or say we want, outside to others--well, that's kind of important, but not for awakening. I've had clinical depression, and any depressive will tell you that depression makes you into a very capable liar. A depressive's life swings up and down, inexorably, exhaustively, and others' perception of you swings with it, so you learn to lie to smooth out people's expectations of you. We're not concerned with Read more [...]

Maya is a bitch

Well, I haven't been swarmed by a bunch of gleeful, flower-bikini-clad spiritual babes. Maybe that will still happen. And my mortgage lender refuses to believe I don't exist. The bastard. Seriously, though. It's a no-big-deal kind of a thing. That's not bad. That's truth. This technique is solid. You don't exist. It's compelling and unrelenting. And it's here in real life, not in the abstraction of meditation or concepts. And what does it do for you? Well, it's truth. That's Read more [...]