The Relief

What I feel these days is an enormous relief! I think back in May I had a shift. I didn't quite understand what had happened, and I still don't have clear words to describe it. I saw that life is perfect, it has always been perfect, mysterious, wondrous, quirky. The only problem with life is that I had thought there was a problem with life. And this bit of off-centeredness has been with me since I was a baby. With this recognition I understood. I understood why everything I have learned and Read more [...]

Happily at Square One

All the frantic energy of trying to figure it out, trying to understand and learn and practice--all of it left me in one fell swoop. I loved the whooshing sound it made on its way out, hehe! And here I am, empty and open, happily left with really only one insight, and it's not a big one. I am grateful to Eckhart Tolle. I read the Power of Now about four or five years ago, and it wasn't my first reading of it, but at the time of that particular reading I was in emotional pain and therefore open. Read more [...]

The sense of I AM

"So, you look. You bring your attention, for just a moment, to what it feels like to be you. Not to anything that you know to be the case, but to what it feels like to be you, just to touch it, just for a moment. And if you do that once, you'll do it again, and again, until it has its way with you, until you are finished with not noticing yourself, until you are finished with the hatred of your life, with the fear of your life, with the dissatisfaction of your life. Until dissatisfaction itself reveals Read more [...]

Re: Awakening

(edited) Dear -, Awakening is awakening in the dream and awakening out of the dream. I am at the first. What does it feel like? Well, I had anxiety and depression for twenty years. Anxiety is gone. The psychological unhappiness of depression is gone. I can operate in the world from a place of calm and peace. There is very little fear (although there is a little) and I am not attached to the outcome of desires, seeing desires as fear turned outward. It's nice. However, this is not full Read more [...]

An email exchange

(Edited) I did the same--I wrote for myself for a long time before I started the blog. Writing gives us another mechanism to grow. The human mind is not always the best place to look from. Writing gives us the ability to look at arm's length, which can sometimes be valuable. Atheism is interesting. It's a trend now--many younger people resonate with it, which is not a bad thing, and it may actually balance some of the craziness of religious beliefs. But atheism is the polar opposite of Read more [...]

The fundamental question

The most fundamental question of life is "Is there joy and peace in my life?" It's the essential question, and yet most of us run away from it. We're pretty good at not facing up to ourselves. I suppose most of us believe that life has to be the way it is. We buy into the popular definitions of success and we believe when we're successful we're happy--when we have money, when we have approval, when someone is bringing us flowers--we're happy then, and when there is grief, we say, well, this is Read more [...]

One damn thing after another

As you observe thoughts, without the effort to judge or analyze or change, you might notice that thoughts slow down. The gaps in-between expand. You notice also that many of our thoughts are of self-judgment. This may not be obvious at first--well the obviously self-judgmental thoughts are clearly self-judgmental, but you begin to notice that almost all of your thoughts are in some way about judgment and about self. This self of course does not exist--that is, it does not point to anything Read more [...]

Ease

"We can understand only that which we have risen above."  --Vernon Howard Ah, here it is. Life has sweetness to it--an easy flow. After four years of seeking, and turmoil and confusion, here is the easy peace that was always here. The effort has fallen away. Go ahead and dive into self-discovery. Yes, it does take courage and honesty. And yes, there is a shaking up, some turmoil. You may feel you're worse off than before for while. Maybe for a long while. Facing your self is not Read more [...]

Where to go from here?

When you see that the you you take yourself to be is a fiction--when you actually recognize this, not just agree with it--what happens is...nothing. Nothing actually changes. The old patterns of fear and emotions and delusions remain firmly in place. Well, not firmly. You still get caught up in fearful and self-ish patterns but you see the fiction of it, you start seeing the whole thing as a drama, and that does bring some clarity. photo credit: hoshi7 But these embodied patterns and Read more [...]