Why the recovery is hard

Why this is difficult I like happiness as much as the next guy. But it's not happiness that sends one in search of truth. It's rabid and feverish, clawing madness to stop being a lie, regardless of price, come heaven or hell. This isn't about higher consciousness or self-discovery or heaven on earth. This is about blood-caked swords and Buddha's rotting head and self-immolation, and anyone who says otherwise is selling something they don't have. -Jed Mckenna If you've been with me on this for a Read more [...]

Here

What is my goal? To be a natural human being, free of the insanity the ego and conditioned-pain and destructive patterns and self-limiting thoughts, and free from the energy of seeking and wishing to be different--in short, to be free of fear and its effects. How is it that I am not free right now? In the last year particularly there has been a release, a shift. I feel more at home, easier, lighter, less resistant, more honest with myself and others. I feel healthier, I sleep much better, Read more [...]

Basics

A year ago I had a fundamental shift, a letting go. I'm not done. But I do feel significantly lighter, more natural, easier. It happened as I recognized that the basic problem with me, and all human beings, is fear. The Buddha said that people suffer. We suffer, not because there is suffering, but because of the damage caused by fear in the mind. Every human being, I think, at some point and at some level, knows that he or she is not seated in naturalness. It's interesting that most people Read more [...]

Losing weight the natural way

I'm losing 10 to 15 lbs a month since May, without effort or dieting. You might wonder why I'm writing about healthy weight management on a website which is about being a natural, free, human being. Well, there are a number of relevant lessons in this. A few years ago I got tired of dieting. I realized that all diets work in the same way. First, they work. I lose weight. Then, they don't work. And I gain back weight with a vengeance, generally gaining back even more than I had lost. I went Read more [...]

The Relief

What I feel these days is an enormous relief! I think back in May I had a shift. I didn't quite understand what had happened, and I still don't have clear words to describe it. I saw that life is perfect, it has always been perfect, mysterious, wondrous, quirky. The only problem with life is that I had thought there was a problem with life. And this bit of off-centeredness has been with me since I was a baby. With this recognition I understood. I understood why everything I have learned and Read more [...]

Happily at Square One

All the frantic energy of trying to figure it out, trying to understand and learn and practice--all of it left me in one fell swoop. I loved the whooshing sound it made on its way out, hehe! And here I am, empty and open, happily left with really only one insight, and it's not a big one. I am grateful to Eckhart Tolle. I read the Power of Now about four or five years ago, and it wasn't my first reading of it, but at the time of that particular reading I was in emotional pain and therefore open. Read more [...]

The sense of I AM

"So, you look. You bring your attention, for just a moment, to what it feels like to be you. Not to anything that you know to be the case, but to what it feels like to be you, just to touch it, just for a moment. And if you do that once, you'll do it again, and again, until it has its way with you, until you are finished with not noticing yourself, until you are finished with the hatred of your life, with the fear of your life, with the dissatisfaction of your life. Until dissatisfaction itself reveals Read more [...]

Re: Awakening

(edited) Dear -, Awakening is awakening in the dream and awakening out of the dream. I am at the first. What does it feel like? Well, I had anxiety and depression for twenty years. Anxiety is gone. The psychological unhappiness of depression is gone. I can operate in the world from a place of calm and peace. There is very little fear (although there is a little) and I am not attached to the outcome of desires, seeing desires as fear turned outward. It's nice. However, this is not full Read more [...]

An email exchange

(Edited) I did the same--I wrote for myself for a long time before I started the blog. Writing gives us another mechanism to grow. The human mind is not always the best place to look from. Writing gives us the ability to look at arm's length, which can sometimes be valuable. Atheism is interesting. It's a trend now--many younger people resonate with it, which is not a bad thing, and it may actually balance some of the craziness of religious beliefs. But atheism is the polar opposite of Read more [...]

The fundamental question

The most fundamental question of life is "Is there joy and peace in my life?" It's the essential question, and yet most of us run away from it. We're pretty good at not facing up to ourselves. I suppose most of us believe that life has to be the way it is. We buy into the popular definitions of success and we believe when we're successful we're happy--when we have money, when we have approval, when someone is bringing us flowers--we're happy then, and when there is grief, we say, well, this is Read more [...]