A year ago I had a fundamental shift, a letting go.
I’m not done. But I do feel significantly lighter, more natural, easier.
It happened as I recognized that the basic problem with me, and all human beings, is fear.
The Buddha said that people suffer. We suffer, not because there is suffering, but because of the damage caused by fear in the mind. Every human being, I think, at some point and at some level, knows that he or she is not seated in naturalness. It’s interesting that most people do not face this problem head-on. There even seems to be prevailing sentiment that even though I am not seated in naturalness, everyone else has figured it out.
Why some of us are able to see and admit the insanity within, and some of us ignore what is so very obvious when seen, is a bit of a mystery to me. How did I go for 45 years not seeing that there is nothing wrong with life but there is something wrong with my orientation to life? Suffering gives us this insight.
The Buddha’s second noble truth says that there is a way out of this suffering. This is of course where the whole misleading world of religion and spirituality begins. This is where it starts with the myriad, confusing, dogmatic, often money-making, always divisive, ways to be spiritual. God, awareness, presence, meditation, particular teachings, particular beliefs, particular practices, hierarchies and advancement and so on–none of them has worked in the long history of humanity. But this is what we do.
I go back to only that which I am certain of. Which is very little.
I know that the basic problem is that we perceive reality through damaged mental structures. Some people may call these mental structures the ego and the mind, but I haven’t found it useful to analyze this too deeply.
I think that the damage is caused by an original fear.
I know in the presence of damaged faculties nothing we know or believe or practice can have any certainty to it. The experience of life happens in the mind, that is all our perceptions and sensations and actions and beliefs and thoughts and emotions come from the mind, and when the mind structures are damaged, nothing can have any certainty.
The solution to this is go back to the source. To go back as deeply as we can within ourselves, so that there is a touching between the damage and the source.
I had believed that to go back to the source requires spiritual work. I thought I had to ferret through all that is false to find truth. I was completely wrong about that.
The source is right here, right now, right on the surface. It doesn’t require meditation. It doesn’t require spiritual knowledge. It doesn’t require a particular practice or particular understanding. Even to call it source is a bit too much.
It’s just looking at the sense of who I am, the sense of I AM, the very ordinary every-day sense of what it feels to be me.
Along with the looking, the release technique I talk about here is still with me. It’s very natural now, innate. I don’t consciously think about letting go. It happens.
The giving up of the spiritual quest is a huge relief.
And life simply lives. For some of us on a spiritual journey frequently confusing questions come up, about how we can reconcile our regular life with our current spiritual understanding. I don’t have a clearer understanding–it’s more that the questions are disappearing.
It’s kind of strange that a five year harried spiritual quest has come down to something so simple.
This is what I feel now. It’s a pretty good place to be.