Healing Magick

photo credit: Carolina Gonzalez

In the last few days, I’ve felt anger.

Have you had this experience? It is non-specific annoyance, which left unobserved will find a target and intensify.  I don’t know if it’s anger or fear of both. I’m angry about not finding a job, about my investments gone south, about having to do all this marketing stuff instead of just writing books, about stuff that happened in the past, about the ‘a’ key being stuck on this keyboard…I’m annoyed to have to deal with the seeming trivialities of life when all I want to do is be and write.

Something happens. We don’t like it. We suffer. We have come to believe that time heals. Does time heal?  Or, does it blur memories so we no longer consciously bring up the suffering in the present? Something happens and we suffer and life of course moves on inexorably. We take on new experiences, new people, new goals and new memories. The suffering hasn’t gone away—it has been forgotten and it merges into our unconscious conditioning, becoming part of already embodied patterns, what Tolle calls the “pain-body,” to come up again and again in ways we don’t recognize.

This conditioning drives our limiting beliefs. We turn to positive belief systems, we chase money and relationships and distractions and therapy. We blame our genetics and upbringing and the accident of birth and our childhood and external circumstances. There is nothing right or wrong about any of this, but at some point we decide to take complete responsibility and realize that we can reverse this.

If you want to heal, it’s best to face right up to pain, in the present, and release it.

We are afraid of pain. But when we know how to release, the fear of pain goes away. Then, we feel painful feelings appropriately in the present. The grief of missing a loved one, the sorrowful compassion at the suffering of others, the anger of injustice, the bittersweet feeling when something comes to an end—these painful emotions wonderfully fill out the spectrum of human experience. And when egoic pain comes up, for example, when we feel the confused anger of not getting what the ego wants—this too is okay, because it is easily released.

If you learn—I should say ‘remember’ not ‘learn’ because you have always known—if you remember how to release again, you will have this experience. As you release, old stuff will come up. It’s good to know this, because when you know your mind is peeling and cleansing, you will not resist. Then these emotions don’t feel bad—you know they are just messages, just an incidental effect of the mind jettisoning old stuff.

I am feeling anger or fear. I don’t analyze or label or resist. I allow it. I welcome it. I love it because it is trying to help me. I don’t react to it. I could just let it go. But I don’t. I want to understand the message. I am blind somewhere and I want to see.

See how awakening is the falling away of the false?

If you want to know more about healing, see this article and the ebooks.

What is your experience with anger and fear?

We have come to believe that time heals. Does time heal?  Or, does it blur memories so we no longer consciously bring up the suffering in the present?

34 thoughts on “Healing…

  1. Bob Weisenberg

    You’ve got it just right. Just pull back and watch your emotions, as though from the outside, as in this little blog/poem I wrote a few months back:

    Can Yogis be jealous?

    A fellow blogger asked me recently.

    I replied:

    Sure, yogis can be jealous.

    But then we step outside ourselves

    And view our jealousy with pure awareness

    Without judgment

    and without ego.

    At that point

    We become blissfully purely aware that

    We also want to strangle the other person.

    Bob Weisenberg
    .-= Bob Weisenberg´s last blog ..In Praise of Jane =-.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Namaste Bob,

      Welcome, and that’s a great point. People have certain ideas and fear about awakening. In my experience, thoughts don’t go away; they do diminish and are not longer believed. Emotions don’t go away, not even anger or jealousy or fear, but they turn into present feelings and they leave no grooves.

      Thanks for the insight,

  2. Chris Edgar

    Thanks for the share — that’s something I’ve experienced as well, that anger starts as a sensation, and then unless I am aware of what’s going on the mind starts looking for a target, thinking that if I blame this thing or person the anger will subside, which of course it won’t.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Chris,

      Yes, exactly. We can simply decide not to create any more negativity for ourselves. Anger, or whatever emotion comes up, we allow it, accept it, feel it and let it go. It doesn’t leave grooves. And as we do this deeper stuff will surface. As we release that, we find that we can release the desperation around cravings, and the pull of addictions, and the false persuasion of beliefs, and the fear of fear.

      Thanks for clarifying!


  3. Nadia - Happy Lotus

    Hi Kaushik,

    Anger and fear…yes, I do know them. Fear more so than anger. “I” do not get angry very often…it takes a lot to get to that state. As for fear, it has been a thorn in my life. That said, it has also been a great teacher.

    Whenever the fear appears (rhyme not intended), “I” try not to get sucked into it and recall all the times that “I” have had that same fear before and how what “I” feared never did occur. Life has always worked out fine and so “I” just let it go. Sometimes it does not want to go away so easy but “I” just let it have its temper tantrum and then it goes away.

    As for why all the “I”….fear is really the ego talking and not the true self. The key is to remember that when it is being very loud and stubborn.
    .-= Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..What Do You Know For Certain? =-.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Namaste Nadia,
      Like you, it took a lot to get me angry. But with awakening I noticed that this mind-body does get angry, it just tend to direct the anger inward, and this is what manifests as depression and anxiety.

      You’re right about fear. We can trace all “bad-feelign” emotions back to fear. It was with some chagrin that I discovered that fear is rather easy to release, if we just let it be without resistance, even welcome it, notice the body sensations, and then let go.

      Great point about the “I.” The “I” which feels anger and fear is a phantom–just the thinker which thought itself creates. It’s tricky to see this, but as we recognize the ego we can get some clarity and distance from it.

      Thanks for an enlightening comment.


    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Evan,
      You make an excellent point. The fear I talk about is the ego’s fear of annihilation. When we look, all negative emotions can be traced back to this fear. Certainly, the obvious ones like worry and anxiety, but also the very low-level ones like unease or the absence of joy which for many people is constant.

      Here’s a quotation from the Power of Now: “Moreover, s long as you re identified with your mind, the ego runs your life, as I pointed out ealier. Becuse of its phantom nature, and despite elaborate defense mechanisms, the ego is very vulnerable and insecure, and it sees itself constantly under thret. This , by the way, is the case even if the ego is outwardly very confident.”

      Thanks, Evan!

  4. Char (PSI Tutor:Mentor)

    I’m angry that the vet said I didn’t need the plastic ring anymore for my dog’s neck, her haematoma returned, requiring a second operation~ and they plan to charge me for it…

    Angry that the 4th year psych students I’m helping this week have had such poor supervision that their theses are not developing them as critical thinkers and they are ready to give up~ it is the wider community that will pay the ultimate cost…

    Angry that housemates interact like children (no offense lil half people reading this)…

    …actually, I’m over it now (time to sleep ~:-)… vet, students and housemates have their own journeys~ think this was all for me to cultivate some patience and to stop seeing the waves as separate from the ocean…
    .-= Char (PSI Tutor:Mentor)´s last blog ..A Collection of Student Resources =-.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Char,
      With awakening, I am able to be aware of emotions. They come, they are felt, the message is received, and they are released.

      In the unobserved mind, these emotions had a very different quality. They become very personal, and the mix in with other stories, and they trigger the pain-body. They leave grooves–that is, they become embodied patterns, merging with existing stored patterns.

      Thanks for your openness. It is entirely necessary to see Truth. I hope you are well.


  5. Stan

    Hi Kaushik –

    Thanks very much for this post!

    It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that occasionally encounters this “non-specific annoyance” or aggravation for an unidentified reason. It seemingly arises out of no where and I find myself trying to repress it – which only aggravates and enlarges the feeling. And then, out of the blue, I remember the “release” technique and it disappears. It always works!

    Thank you for your amazing insight.


    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Stan,

      It’s good to hear from you.

      I’m so glad you’re using the release technique. It becomes natural–it always was, and it works not just for emotions but every pattern we hold on to, like beliefs and desperation.

      I hope you are well!

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Sri,
      Yes, exactly. The release process is about letting go, and we soon realize it is all about letting go. Meditation is about letting go of the attachment to thought. Spirituality, at its essence is about letting of concepts. Happiness is about simply letting go of unhappiness. All of it–surrender, non-attachment, forgiveness, gratitude, acceptance is about letting go.

      I hope you’re doing really well!

  6. adele

    I have a cartoon hidden in my office of a crabby lady saying:

    “I meditate, eat vegetarian, drink green tea, say affirmations and I still just want to SLAP someone!”

    It helps me keep a sense of humor about this thing called life we’re doing…


    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Adele,

      That’s a wonderful cartoon. I forget who said it but I recently saw a quotation by an awake person who said if you think you’re awakened, spend a few days with your parents.

      We forget too often that we are here to play!


  7. Brenda

    Hi Kaushik. I’ve been experiencing something weird lately. Have you seen the TV show “Glee”? There’s a coach on there named Sue Sylvester who is quite scary. So I go to bed some nights and the thoughts start running wild like unsupervised school children. I’ll notice this and want them to stop. Then out of the blue the image of a woman walking down a hallway appears. Her arms are stretched out to her sides, fingers pointing up. As she walks down the hall away from me, arms outstretched, the thoughts cease and silence settles in. It’s happened several times, and all I can think to relate it to is Sue Sylvester and what I’ve learned from you. Any thoughts on what’s going on? I like it whatever it is.
    .-= Brenda´s last blog ..Laughter is a Funny Thing =-.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Brenda,

      I like your analogy of thoughts as unsupervised school children. I haven’t seen “Glee” and don’t know about Sue Sylvester but your experience is not uncommon. Often, the mind is churning away, and an absurd thought or vision comes up, and because it doesn’t belong it has the effect of stopping the mind. You might notice the mind stops in other ways as well, for example, when we are awed by beauty or art or music or nature. The mind will also stop when you very alertly wait for your next thought.

      Just noticing however is different.

      Awakening is rather simple. It is simply a decision to be conscious rather than to be on autopilot. In our usual mode, we live unconsciously, reacting according to conditioning. Even the seemingly willed actions like decisions and desires come from conditioning. So awakening is just deciding to be aware. As we “practice” being aware, at some point, the effort of it goes away and it’s just natural, and in fact we find that it’s much easier to be in this effortless, spacious, gentle, unoccupied awareness than it is to be identified with the mind. (The mind is thoughts and emotions). As we become aware, peace and love and joy stabilize internally, no longer dependent on circumstance. As we become aware, we stop taking on an new pain, and soon we learn to release the conditioning that is already built up. This is my experience.

      It starts with simply noticing. Decide to be more interested in what’s going on inside than outside. Gently notice thoughts. There is no trick to it. Don’t try to stop the thoughts. Don’t interact or judge or change or cease or initiate. Simply notice. And soon the gaps between thoughts will expand. A different, deeper dimension of consciousness will take over.

      I hope you are really well my friend!

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Paul,

      Yes, it is to be let go of. Emotions are not difficult to let go of–we think letting go is difficult. The work of releasing is the just work of remember that it is not difficult to let go. When we remember to let go, we also remember how to play. Why is this emotion showing up? When we are no longer identified with thought or emotion, the sting is gone, and we can receive the intuition from the feeling. What is it that Essence is trying to tell me? It may be simply be to let go of the annoyance. Or it may be that something else wants attention.


  8. Walter

    Anger and fear are the objects of the mind. They have their purpose on a biological level but deems useless in our subjective judgment. When we try to contradict its expression, we feel pain, because that is how our mind can deal with it. In effect we suffer.

    Being aware of the nature of anger and fear, I agree that we must not resists it. We should let the experience and accept it for what it is. Only then it we can remove pain of such experience.

    Enlightenment is not an easy task. We have to face battle with our mind and we must be prepared for its uncomfortable journey.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Well said, Walter. Emotions are a reflection of thoughts in the body, and resistance is what makes them sting. Allow, accept, feel fully, and release. The releasing, yes, can be at times uncomfortable. Thanks for an insightful comment.


  9. Evita

    This is awesome Kaushik, teaching like this by experience to release not resist.

    For me the line that hit home so much was when you said:

    “…but at some point we decide to take complete responsibility and realize that we can reverse this.”

    Yes – this is probably one of the biggest and for some hardest things to do, but my God when we do it does it ever give life a whole new meaning. I find myself so empowered by this and so free at the same time.

    Thank you for sharing all this with us – I know it is not easy for many people to be so honest and transparent – but it is such a beautiful quality – and one that teaches so well by example, more than perhaps any words of advice.
    .-= Evita´s last blog ..Choice Point 2012 – Boston 2009 Conference – Alberto Villoldo =-.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Evita,

      Thank you for the kind words.

      I wanted say in this article that with awakening, emotions don’t go away–they are just seen very differently.

      Acceptance and responsibility–I look back at my life and at any point I find that true change came about only after full acceptance and taking full responsibility. It is not the world or people out there who are not giving us what we want. Transformation really has nothing to do with anything external.

      Great seeing you here!

      Take care,

  10. Papa J

    Heya Kaush,

    Yep, anger happens…… usually when the physical body is tired and the “life situation”(ETolle’s def) is in your face….. keeping aware and releasing does help, thanks! Also a good night’s rest physically….. the “life situation” yep…. it will creep up and get you…… before you know it the ego and pain-body are there fully awakened and the “life situation” just makes you angry…. then after 12 hours the pain-body will go dormant….

    Cheers, PJ

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hey PapaJ,

      Yes, sometimes life situations catch up to us, and it’s difficult to be conscious. But the art of releasing becomes very natural very quickly. We find very quickly that in fact releasing is not something we do, it is more that we stop holding on. Holding onto patterns and emotions takes active effort, and once we realize that, we don’t create any more pain to add to the pain-body, and the already embodied patterns will begin to release. And so, layer by layer, old stuff will come up, and sometimes it surprises you.

      Good to hear from you! Hope things are well on the other side.

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