In the last few days, I’ve felt anger.
Have you had this experience? It is non-specific annoyance, which left unobserved will find a target and intensify. I don’t know if it’s anger or fear of both. I’m angry about not finding a job, about my investments gone south, about having to do all this marketing stuff instead of just writing books, about stuff that happened in the past, about the ‘a’ key being stuck on this keyboard…I’m annoyed to have to deal with the seeming trivialities of life when all I want to do is be and write.
Something happens. We don’t like it. We suffer. We have come to believe that time heals. Does time heal? Or, does it blur memories so we no longer consciously bring up the suffering in the present? Something happens and we suffer and life of course moves on inexorably. We take on new experiences, new people, new goals and new memories. The suffering hasn’t gone away—it has been forgotten and it merges into our unconscious conditioning, becoming part of already embodied patterns, what Tolle calls the “pain-body,” to come up again and again in ways we don’t recognize.
This conditioning drives our limiting beliefs. We turn to positive belief systems, we chase money and relationships and distractions and therapy. We blame our genetics and upbringing and the accident of birth and our childhood and external circumstances. There is nothing right or wrong about any of this, but at some point we decide to take complete responsibility and realize that we can reverse this.
If you want to heal, it’s best to face right up to pain, in the present, and release it.
We are afraid of pain. But when we know how to release, the fear of pain goes away. Then, we feel painful feelings appropriately in the present. The grief of missing a loved one, the sorrowful compassion at the suffering of others, the anger of injustice, the bittersweet feeling when something comes to an end—these painful emotions wonderfully fill out the spectrum of human experience. And when egoic pain comes up, for example, when we feel the confused anger of not getting what the ego wants—this too is okay, because it is easily released.
If you learn—I should say ‘remember’ not ‘learn’ because you have always known—if you remember how to release again, you will have this experience. As you release, old stuff will come up. It’s good to know this, because when you know your mind is peeling and cleansing, you will not resist. Then these emotions don’t feel bad—you know they are just messages, just an incidental effect of the mind jettisoning old stuff.
I am feeling anger or fear. I don’t analyze or label or resist. I allow it. I welcome it. I love it because it is trying to help me. I don’t react to it. I could just let it go. But I don’t. I want to understand the message. I am blind somewhere and I want to see.
See how awakening is the falling away of the false?
What is your experience with anger and fear?