Category Archives: Recovery

The Release…

Fear of life and the Looking

The way it is happening for me is that two years ago I had the recognition on a morning walk that the only problem there is, is fear. With that recognition, much (not all) of the seeking energy dissipitated--I was no longer interested in finding the next secret to awakening. I understood the problem and I had confirmation about it from Jed Mckenna, Eckhart Tolle, Buddha, Anthony de Mello and others. I had a really, good year and I was beginning to re-engage in life after many years of escaping in Read more [...]

Why the recovery is hard

Why this is difficult I like happiness as much as the next guy. But it's not happiness that sends one in search of truth. It's rabid and feverish, clawing madness to stop being a lie, regardless of price, come heaven or hell. This isn't about higher consciousness or self-discovery or heaven on earth. This is about blood-caked swords and Buddha's rotting head and self-immolation, and anyone who says otherwise is selling something they don't have. -Jed Mckenna If you've been with me on this for a Read more [...]

Awakening and Depression

What is depression? Blah-ness. Dryness, emptiness, futility, disengagement. Painful to lift a finger. The opposite of love. Here’s my description of what depression feels like. By depression, I mean the mild to moderate clinical illness which has both physical and psychological symptoms and affects mood, thoughts, emotions and level of energy. photo credit: h.koppdelaney Does Awakening overcome depression? I had episodes of anxiety for twenty years, worsening over time. With this Read more [...]

Depression and Allowing

(In a letter to a friend who asked about letting go and depression; personal references have been removed) Dear -, Depression is the opposite of love. Depression is rage turned inward. Depression is all our hard emotions we had in the past for which we were not fully present, turned inward. I understand how you feel. I understand the utter numbness. It’s hard to be comfortable in your own skin. Whatever you are doing, you want to be doing something else. If you are with people, you Read more [...]

Dark Night of the Soul

Spiritual awakening doesn’t happen because you master some spiritual technique. There are lots of skillful meditators who are not awake. Awakening happens when you stop bullshitting yourself into continual nonawakening. It’s very easy to use disciplines to avoid reality rather than to encounter it. A true spirituality will have you continually facing your illusions and all the ways you avoid reality. Spiritual practice may be an important means of confronting yourself, or it may be a means of Read more [...]

Saying Aloha to Fear

Letting go of the F-thing is really rather simple. Say Aloha. Hello and Good-bye. I picked up a The Sedona Method book a while back and I don’t know why because when I did I was interested in awakening, not self-development, and I had assumed, wrongly, that this book would be about another one of those conquer-the-world self-improvement buy-me-now things. It’s actually an amazing tool which works very well for letting go fear. You might get the wrong idea because their marketing Read more [...]

Why we take a peculiar pleasure in suffering and how to stop

"Observe the peculiar pleasure you derive from being unhappy. Observe the compulsion to talk or think about it." -Eckhart Tolle Have you noticed? We want to be free of pain, but there is a part of us that which takes a peculiar pleasure from reveling in suffering. I had two decades of depression and anxiety before I came to awakening. Some of the episodes were so debilitating that all I could do was atrophy behind a black cloud and watch my life crumble—watching helplessly, as once again, Read more [...]

Addiction

What was or is your antidote to the uneasiness of being? Alcohol? Nicotine? Opiads? Whatever it is you’ve probably discovered that addictions and depression go hand-in-hand, and if it isn’t full-fledged depression, it is the constant uneasiness of being. The solution of course is to awaken. Awaken from the illusion of the mind and the uneasiness goes away, and then there is no need for feel-good chemicals. Awakening just takes the soft, gentle observation of Awareness. A release technique Read more [...]

Recovery from Anxiety and Depression

In late 2006 I was suicidally depressed. I was at the deepest end of the dark abyss of depression and I had given up on any attempt to climb out, knowing from the hundreds of prior attempts that all I’ll manage to do is tear off my fingernails without ever making it to light. I have always felt, like most of us, that there had to be a separate peace, perhaps a different possibility, if only I knew how to get at it. I devoured any thing I could find on depression or self-help, but those only Read more [...]

What Depression Feels Like

Depression is the opposite of Love. If Awake is the most expansive being, depression is the most contracted. Depression is deep futility. Every emotion is numb. You can’t feel pleasure or pain. You can’t remember what emotions felt like. You can’t imagine how it is possible to feel anything but the way you are feeling.  If you remember what normal felt like, you could perhaps reach for it. But you don’t. Your state knows no other state, cannot even guess that there are other ways to feel. There Read more [...]