Releasing gets easier and easier and easier …

If you’re like most people, you will resist letting go in one way or another.

You might see the value of it right away. Perhaps you read about it here or you know about the Sedona Method or M2method or Byron Katie or EFT or through some sort of meditation.

If you’re like me, you probably, said, well there’s probably something to this, but I don’t understand it. I’ll think about it later. I need to know more.

Some people even feel anger when they first encounter a release method.

Our egos are generally invested in struggle and effort, and so it’s hard for us to see in any value in something so simple as letting go. We make it hard. Notice that if something requires effort and separation and advancement, we accept it easily. People have no trouble accepting organized religion and spirituality, because much of it is about advancement and accumulation and jumping through hoops. Or self-improvement or the ten commandments or morality or Buddhist precepts or asceticism or celibacy—the ego loves these things.

If that’s the way you are inclined, that’s fine, go that way, but know that ultimately none of that has anything to do with you. You come to this party as you are.

Ah but people can’t stand to have their journeys taken away. They need struggle and effort and practice and spirituality. They need to hang to other people’s words and memorize complicated spiritual concepts. They need to be systematic and accumulate and integrate—because all of this doing makes them feel like it’s taking them some place.

laughing buddha
Creative Commons License photo credit: faria!

What if there was no place to go? What if everything is right here and right now?

Who is this person who doesn’t understand? Who is this person who is flailing about, looking for answers, chasing her own tail? Who is suffering? Who are you, and don’t answer with clever words or quotations. This isn’t a mind trick. Don’t look for results. Don’t look for spiritual revelations.

Awakening makes no demands. You don’t have to be strong or spiritual. I’ve found that it helps if you’re gently honest with yourself, but even that develops naturally. We are pretty good at fooling ourselves—it can be helpful if you don’t forget that.

The way releasing works, in my experience, is that first you’ll resist, then you’ll try it. Maybe when life gets painful or boring or absurd enough, you will try it.

You might try it for a specific thing, like anxiety, as I did.

And then you see it works for many things. You might see that releasing is really all about awareness. When you allow an emotion, let it be, make space for it, see that an emotion is just body-sensations connected to thought stories, and see that it’s as easy to let go as it is to open a fisted hand–all of that is simply just being aware without thinking about it.

Then, you see that letting go is really about just deciding not to hold on, without thinking about it. You see that there are not two of you, one who wants to hold on to pain and one who wants to let go. There is just one who never really wanted to resist, so it hits you like slap in the face, why was I holding on? Why was I accumulating all this time?

And then perhaps releasing expands. You release not just the hard emotions, but also thoughts and ideas and beliefs. You see that beliefs are unreal. You can let go of even beautiful beliefs, spiritual beliefs, and you see that beliefs were always just other people’s words, just conditioning.

And it feels just so much lighter not to carry these heavy beliefs. Life is already fully wise.

And you release and you release, and it gets easier and easier, and you release and release until there is sweet surrender.

19 thoughts on “Releasing gets easier and easier and easier …

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  2. Rizal Affif

    Perfect timing. As this time being I need some inspiration to let go. Somehow, unresolved conflicts with certain people in past lives are even harder to let go.

    Surrender. Thanks for reminding this, Kaushik 🙂
    .-= Rizal Affif´s last blog ..Source of Conflict =-.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Rizal,
      Possibly is it in our interpersonal relationships that we resist the most. Even past relationships seem to grip us. The release technique I use here is a good to start with, and it soon evolves into something very natural and spontaneous.

      Thanks for visiting and I hope to see you again.

      love and peace,

  3. Jodi at Joy Discovered

    Love this post, Kaushik…and your accompanying picture! I follow what you are saying and I experience this myself–but a year ago, I would have been puzzled and unsure about your meaning. While I (finally) agree that letting go / awakening is not something we pursue, I do think that timing plays a role in when and how we experience it. I wonder if there are those who realize how simple life is from the get-go rather than afterwards, looking back…?
    I have been out of the loop for a while–it’s good to come here and catch up. I hope you are well, my friend! Much joy to you! Jodi
    .-= Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..Note of Gratitude =-.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Jodi,
      You make an excellent point. Five years ago I would have looked at what I write about now with an intellectual mind and would have considered it mumbo-jumbo. Just two years ago, I might not have understood that awakening is about letting go of beliefs and ideas, not accumulating them. I know people who say they understand it a little but feel they need to understand it a lot more. It’s not about a mental understanding. I know people are dismissive but then come back later.

      It’s good to hear from you–been a while–I hope you are well!

      love and peace,

  4. Dawn

    and once we have accepted…and let go, there is a such a peace about it. Sometimes it’s not any easier when you find yourself needing to let go again, but eventually, it becomes something that your body and mind accepts and appreciates.

    I have watched friends recently…lament over a broken heart. Sigh…if only they could understand, that by releasing the old broken relationship, they open themselves up for something new and better…However, holding on to the hurt and the disappointment, can block you from what you truly desire.

    This is something I have found myself enveloping more and more lately…The ‘old’ me still trys to hand on…but I am gentle with my emotions…and find it so welcoming when I finally release….
    .-= Dawn´s last blog ..I have a problem. =-.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Dawn,

      Yes, I know what you mean, we resist releasing when we feel that we’ve done this a few times and now we shouldn’t have to. But that too is resistance. It’s all resistance–my recent lesson has been that any sort of unease, whether it’s a broken heart or foreclosure or injustice or unfairness or depression, it’s all resistance. When we can let go we open ourselves up to fresh possibilities.

      Yes, the old “me” keeps tugging…

      Thanks, Dawn, for a wonderfully incisive comment. I hope you are well!

      love and peace,

  5. Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

    The timing for me to read this was perfect (ah, but isn’t that always the way of it?!). Two days ago, after a glorious 15 days of newfound clarity, ease, and surrender, I could feel resistance creeping in again. It manifested in my lower back and in some unhealthy (addictive) habits resurrecting themselves. “Oh no… Here we go again,” is what I thought.

    It reminds of when I was learning to ride a bike, and my father would hold the back of my seat as I pedaled down the sidewalk. The first time I realized I was doing it by myself (he had let go of the seat) — in that very instance of recognition — fear overwhelmed me and I crashed!

    That’s how this new state of “release” feels to me. When I’m not focused on it — and am just DOING it — I’m fine. On the other hand, as soon as I think, “Wow, I’ve been living blissfully free for 15 days and it’s been effortless!” that’s when I symbolically crash like I did two days ago.

    Release, release, release… The fact that it gets easier each time is something I’ll have to take your word for!

    Thank you, Kaushik; I found this post to be very soothing.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Megan,
      I’ve noticed in your comments and posts a wide open authenticity recently–not that you weren’t before, but clearly you have transcended some threshold of resistance

      I think you’ve said it before: it often feels like three steps forward and two back. At some point we realize that too is a story. Yes, I’ve had the same experience–we get self-conscious and thinking takes over, or perhaps we get too attached to the feeling of peace.

      We keep going. Yes, it does get easier and easier and easier…

      Thanks, Megan, for a very helpful and open comment.

      love and peace,

  6. Lisa (mommymystic)

    “letting go is really about just deciding not to hold on, without thinking about it.” – I love that. I just finally read Adyashanti’s End of Your World, I think maybe you quoted it here awhile back? Boy does he nail this.

    Great post.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Lisa,
      It’s funny how various teachings resonate at different times; right now, I find Adyashanti’s teachings very meaningful. He recently had a day retreat about four hours from me but I was late in signing up–I would have liked to see what it feels like to be in the presence of someone who has fully embraced enlightenment.

      Thanks for the great comment and I hope you are well!

      love and peace,

  7. Tess The Bold Life

    Great post! One of my four duaghters doesn’t have a relationship with me nor me with her. When I first discovered her hidden anger at me I was shocked. I went through every stage of grief and finally came to surrender and acceptance. I’m at peace now and realize there may never be a relationship. I’m still at peace with that thought. LIke Jodi says it’s a process and like Megan says we I may fall back at times but right now I don’t see it happening.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Tess,

      You are in acceptance. It’s wonderful thing and my experience with acceptance has two valuable lessons: acceptance is not something we do, but something we stop doing–we stop resisting; and two, it is something we get better and better at. You are acceptance with a difficult situation, and this speaks to your evolution.

      Yes, as Jodi says it’s process with ups and downs, forwards and backwards; and as Megan says there can be times when we seemingly go backwards. That too is a lesson. We learn allowing and patience.

      There is deep peace or there is resistance.

      Thank you Tess, for an open and very illuminating comment.

      love and peace,

  8. Sarah

    “You come to this party as you are.” Exactly. And even better? You’re invited because *you* are. Being is enough. I understand the logic of that – saying that being is enough. But, the more I practice release, the deeper that realization seeds in me. I am enough. As I am. And no one ever has to know that except me. Its just a much more meaningful way to live if you can experience that…and I want to share that…my reassurance or smarts doesn’t take a way the pain of my loved ones. But I know they each have the personal and unique ability to end their own suffering. But, ultimately, I know, this is an individual path, no matter how you articulate, research, or repeat the method/results.

    I’m happy for spaces like this online where I can hear about the experiences of others. Because its not something to talk about. Its something to experience. And if I don’t see others near me sharing that experience, I google the great collective and find you. Namaste.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Sarah,

      Thanks for a wonderful comment!

      I am enough. I completely accept who I am. It’s hard to see the wisdom of this acceptance intellectually. All sorts of thoughts come up. The ego rushes in: how can you be better if you completely accept yourself now? As you point out, it must be experienced.

      Yes, it’s an individual path, each one unique. Some tend towards spiritual concepts and beliefs and methodologies; some, through nature; some through the exhaustion of suffering. But in the end, it seems a turning point comes when we are able to unhinge from beliefs.

      Namaste to you as well.

      love and peace,

  9. Patty - Why Not Start Now?

    Mmmmm, I love where you took this, Kaushik. Sweet surrender. Today I wrote about surrendering to a cold, and as I was in that experience I realized how wise it is to surrender. One of those ah ha moments. So it’s wonderful to come here and have a serendipitous moment about release and surrender. Thank you.
    .-= Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Meaning Mondays: The Sniffles Edition =-.

  10. Lloyd Christie

    Thanks great post its

    Like Buddha said

    “Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.”

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