2010 will continue the evolution you have been feeling for some time now.
You may be tired from the climb of recent years. The seeking, and frustration, and the times when you think you’ve risen above some spiritual threshold only to be humbled back down, and the times of three steps forward and two back—all of it is tiring.
Perhaps you dabbled in spirituality. But if you hang around these circles you’ve run into a “spiritualized” ego. I know one right now. A “spiritualized” ego is in need of acknowledgment of its past suffering, and in need of approval of the many ways in which it is attached to spiritual concepts, and concerned about what is true spirituality and what is not, and why others just don’t get it.
But the fear is still palpable in between the lines of these stories.
The highest monk of them all, the Buddha said, don’t believe anything, even if I said it, go and look for yourself. And another very spiritual patriarch clarified, “Do not seek Truth; only cease to cherish illusions.” For some, spirituality is their most cherished illusion. Go figure.
Or you’ve dabbled in practices. Take the practice of being present. Being present is tricky. If you are truly and fully able to be present, that is it, that is awakening. But when you want to be present, it is the mind and the ego which decide to be present, and presence is not something the mind understands.You try to be present, and presence is very scary for the ego, so it immediately rebels, and creates a mental space it calls presence. The ego says, well, it looks like you are determined to be present, so here you go. This presence that the mind creates is lifeless, boring, and empty.
And you say, wait a minute, where is all that damned peace and bliss that everyone else talks about? Are they just pretending? You wonder if you are doing it wrong or there is something more you need to understand.
Or you’ve dabbled in meditation, and realized that the meditator gets in the way. Meditation is about allowing.
Maybe you’ve chased positive thinking, or sought out your purpose, or dived into the law of attraction. You soon realize that all those are just more stories of the ego, stories of accumulating. Awakening is not about getting, it is about letting go.
Maybe it’s awareness, and you remember the time you said it can’t be this simple and you remember the time when you thought it was a practice. You remember the time that you thought you can’t release until you understand it more.
You’ve dabbled in these things. It’s not about particular spiritual concepts or particular practices. All of that is seeking. Seeking does not bring about finding, but it does bring about self-honesty.
With self-honesty comes the the very humbling realization that all of our intentions, even our spiritual intentions, particularly our spiritual intentions, are suffused with the ego.
And yet seeking is what you do, because that’s what you know. You continue to meditate, be aware, release, or whatever your particular stories are, but now with the realization that all of these are stories, and eventually they will all be jettisoned. Now you can relax. You no longer meditate for the meditator.
Progress if that’s the right word is now grounded in reality, and you are more sensitive to subtle energies. It isn’t about special powers or the ability to see signs and serendipity. It isn’t about the ability to see through the ego–that is perhaps the ego’s most diabolical story, when the illusion of spiritual advancement is believed.
With self-honesty comes the amazing humility that even now you may be fooling yourself. You don’t need to resolve this strange conflict.You are leaving behind validation and taking the risks toward authenticity.
You accept that there are bumps and grinds, and stuff will come up and stay for a while until you release it, and this can be uncomfortable and humbling, but now that you accept this, there isn’t much fear about it. You even look forward to it. You invite it.
Your outer life will unfold in ways which are not always comfortable. This is a bit of a mystery. Perhaps Essence is teaching the ego.
The swirling energies that are you and everything else are benevolent. You know this and you say this and other people say it, and sometimes it feels just like something people in these circles say automatically, like they say have a nice day, and other times there is a overwhelming knowingness of it.
You don’t need to stuff everything down inside you anymore. That’s really nice. You don’t have to be pretend to be
strong or spiritual, and you are so thankful for this, because at one time you did pretend and pretending is so exhausting. This is better. You only have to be strong enough to be honest with yourself. This is gritty, real, authentic, and
Everything is what you call love-peace-joy because you don’t know what else to call it. It is this knowingness that has
been calling. There is no turning back. The things you do that align with love-peace-joy are easy and flowing. The things you do that do not align are lessons to be learned.