You have to actually do it …

You have to actually do it.

At some point in your awakening you will have to actually do it. You have to set aside the learning and reading and thinking about it, and actually do it.

We all need help on this and we are never alone. But at some point you will actually have to do it.

Here, I talk about awareness and release and self-honesty. That’s sort of a gradual way of letting go of resistance.

The first insight may be a matter of luck–as they say, a matter of grace. This is the purpose of suffering. When there has been enough suffering, when you  are tired of suffering, you may be open to looking at things in a different way, and you run into the right book or person or insight.

Do it
Creative Commons License photo credit: Smabs Sputzer

After you’ve had the first insight, why is awakening still difficult? Why does it take time? Why does it go up and down?

Is there a red pill of awakening? Is there a more direct way of awakening?

I don’t know if there is, but if there is, I venture that it has something to do with the dissolution of the “me.” When we can see that we carry around an idea of an “I” and everything we do and think and say has to do with this idea, rather than with being, things begin to happen. The false begins to unravel.

Is there a way of dissolving the idea of “me” more directly?

Nisgardatta Mahararaj was enlightened in two years. He meditated on the sense of “I AM.” He held on to the sense of “I AM” until he saw that it was just a figment. Ramana Maharishi and Adyashanti and others recommend the same sort of meditation.

Here I talk about awareness and release and self-honesty. I talk about this practice because that’s been my experience. Releasing, in particular, is a very helpful skill to build, and a fairly easy practice to start, and it has immediate benefits.

And with Awareness and Release and self-honesty, we can get to a point where there is a willingness to see.

And when there is stillness and self-honesty and a willingness to see, we may be ready to allow the realization that the “me” we carry around is just an idea. This is the portal to freedom.

And to do this, you have to actually do this. You have to actually learn to be aware. You have to actually buckle down and learn to release.

You will of course resist. But you have to do it; nobody else can do it for you. The fear you feel is false. You will have endless questions; your mind will never be satisfied; and you will want to bolt. Buckle down and do it. Face the fear, and see that it’s just a circular nothing.

And at some point in your awakening, you will have to stand on your own authority. You will stop relying on spirituality and pithy sayings and quotations and other people’s words. You will stop looking for validation for your spirituality. You will stop seeking. You will stop fooling yourself.

You will know when you are ready. You will know when you can be completely honest with yourself. You will understand that self-honesty is not just reporting what you think you see. Because what you think you see is probably an invention. Self-honesty is knowing that even right now, you may be fooling yourself.

You can only be honest when there is absolutely no expectation as to what you will find. And still there is a willingness to look. A willingness to actually do it.

8 thoughts on “You have to actually do it …

  1. Jeff Lapointe

    I have always had a challenging time with this task -the task of doing because it is paradoxical in nature. You must ‘Do’ without trying…you must “See” without actually physically looking, you must ‘Feel’ without the senses.

    I can say that it is possible. I can say that I think everyone has their own tailored program/method if they are willing to trust and search within themselves.

    I know how difficult is it to be on the other end and wonder… I want to be be aware but I don’t know how (and I am in so much pain). As Kaushik kindly reminds us – be aware of that and be aware of what comes after that and after that.

    I send great appreciation to all those who continue to ‘do’ even in the midst of not really knowing how – you WILL find what you need.

    Love and light

    1. Kaushik Post author

      This is an excellent point. This “effortless” effort, this right-meditation, is confusing to most of us.

      When do you allow and be patient and watch, and when do use self-discipline to break through resistance?

      Recently, I have been focusing on meditating on the sense of “I AM.” And after doing this for a few days, I realized that I wasn’t really meditating. I was easily distracted. I have plenty of alone-time, but I find other “important” things to do.

      This is how the mind works. It will rebel and find clever ways to sabotage. And in this case, what we can do is simply be aware of this resistance. Smile at it, be amused by it, and keep going.

      The thing is, we all do know what our next step is. But the mind will resist. It will have endless questions. It will want to know the exact method, and why it works. It will think, analyze, read, learn, jump through spiritual hoops.

      We can relax this effort through awareness and releasing and self-honesty.

      As you say, it’s paradoxical. Even as I try to articulate it, I see that there isn’t really a way to articulate this effortless effort.

      Thanks for the insight, Jeff. I hope you are well.

      Love and peace,

  2. Philip

    Dear Kaushik,
    I struggle with the awakening to ‘oneness’ often referred to. If we are altimately all ‘one’ in ‘being’ and we realise this, then what is the point of struglling with all this individual manifestation of form. Why not just release the physical and all return to the ‘one’ and not bother with the individual in time and space. I for one shrink in horror and I mean deep horror at the possibily of no longer being an individual. But of course who is saying that? Me as the separate entity in the vast universe. What am I missing here?


    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Phil,

      As you point out, it is the ego which fears awakening. The ego will come up with endless questions and objections.

      What I suggest is to not worry about the event which many call “enlightenment.” After all, nobody can really describe what it is. Some say it’s the end of suffering, some say it is being present, some say it is non-duality, some say it is the realization of Self, some say it is the realization that there is no self, some say it is being and oneness and bliss and so on…

      Instead of creating and adapting second-hand beliefs, let’s just do the things which we know can improve our lives. An intellectual agreement that there is such a thing as Oneness and bliss and so on, can perhaps help, but it is not the same as an innate feeling-realization.

      What I suggest, and talk about here, are Awareness, Release and self-honesty. Awareness is connecting with inner silence, and this we can do through meditation and other techniques. Release is learning (remembering) how to let go. Many of us come to awakening because our lives are not working and we have anxiety and fears–and so releasing can help immediately. And self-honesty is crucial. It is not the convention sort of honesty–this is both a gentle and ruthless honesty that we need to develop.

      And when there is silence, and there is a willingness to see, we can inquire: who am I? Does the idea of “I” really exist? Or is it just an idea, an assumption?

      light and peace,

    2. Jeff Lapointe

      Hi Phil,

      One of the pleasures of being an individual in this world of contrasts is that it is possible to live in this world of paradox – being an individual yet having an awareness that transcends the judgements of people, acts and experiences. When this happens – and it will for short periods of time at first – is that you will come to see that instead of being a person who moves this are part of the world that is moving. That you have a part to play but only accessible in surrender and awareness. There is nothing quite like feeling you have direction and purpose yet knowing that you had nothing to do with it. If effect, I like to say – you receive something better than you (your individual self) could have imagined. In this way, the world is waiting to show and bear these fruits to you if you will find the proper awareness. This is how you can both be an individual who senses this world on one hand, yet has an awareness that strives to include everything. When you become aware of this type of situation once or twice it is very powerful. The good thing is that it happens to us all the time by accident where we let our guard and judgements down and are rewarded with something that is amazing yet we can’t take credit for it. I hope that may clarify things a bit for you.


  3. Philip

    Thanks K

    I think JM puts it well when he says.
    The ‘I” casts off the illusion of ‘I’ and yet remains as ‘I’. Such is the paradox of self-realization. The realized do not see any contradiction in it.


    1. Kaushik Post author

      The illusion is cast off. The “I” is seen through, and there is no artificial separation. Only thought creates a separation between life and living, and we call this separation “me.”

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