You do not exist

You do not exist.

You think you think your thoughts. You don’t think your thoughts; there is thinking. There is no you or your. It is not your life; there is just life. You don’t have feelings; there are just feelings. You don’t breathe; there is just breathing.

You did not exist before life. Life was not given to you. It’s not as if you existed, and someone came and gave you a body to call yours, and gave you a mind to call yours. There never was a you.

If you don’t exist, how did you come to be?

When the body was born there was no you. You were consciousness as an infant. There was seeing and hearing and learning and playing.

People fed you lies. They fed you names and labels. Thoughts recursively became your thoughts. You are a creation of the mind.

The mind is not your mind. Who’s is it? No one’s!

The idea of you was created in your mind. Then the you acquired beliefs and ideas and conditioning and this sealed in the delusion of you.

This is the core delusion which every spiritual tradition talks about.

Tolle, with astonishing clarity and simplicity of language, has bypassed all the freaky mysticism and burdensome reverence of spirituality, and this is why he has been able to reach so many of us. He told us what it means to be unconscious. It’s the ego and pain-body and all the problems they cause. And he told us there was such a thing as enlightenment and it is accessible to all equally. And he told us what it means to be enlightened. It’s presence and acceptance and peace and connection with natural being.

liberation from self
Creative Commons License photo credit: Robert Couse-Baker

But Enlightenment fell on Tolle’s head, accidentally, and so he’s not very good at explaining how to get there.

We go through practices–of spirituality and meditation and awareness and release and acceptance and gratitude and karma and heaven and hell and presence and all the rest of it, and we learn and memorize and practice, for decades, even lifetimes, and yet, enlightenment is a rare event.

Why is this?

Maybe enlightenment is very tricky and therefore rare.

Or perhaps this is just another myth, perpetrated by diabolical egos which have a great investment in long practices, and by our fear of awakening, and by unexamined assumptions.

The delusion of the self is what Buddhas and the ancient Indian scriptures and the enlightened talk about. When you throw out all the fancy wrapping paper and the ribbons and bows, this is what enlightenment comes down to.

The emptiness or fullness or oneness which the enlightened speak of is just reality itself, right here and now, without the delusion of self.

You are not outside the fullness of this present moment looking in and living your life. There is just the fullness of the present moment. There is just life. Of course, the delusion itself is very much a part of the fullness of life. It’s a beautiful integral of life, like the method actor who has forgotten he is acting.

I literally do not exist. I am literally an imagination.

What I’m doing these days is looking very directly at this lie. I now know rationally it’s a lie. I now know rationally that I literally do not exist. But the recognition has not yet popped.

And I am wondering why I did not directly go to this delusion right away. Why did I spend four years dancing around this?

This is the power of the delusion. It captures your attention even when you know it does. And of course, well-meaning spiritual aspirants are not of much help. They help promote the myth that awakening requires an investment in practice and spiritual concepts and spiritual advancement.

Let’s leave behind what we think we know.

“I” is the core delusion on which every other human foible hangs. Let’s tackle that first. Not as a theoretical possibility, but actually look at it. Let’s stop being students, and do this. Actually do this.

And how do you do an inquiry like this one?

You look at it as if it were true and hit it from various angles. You don’t exist is literally true. So you can’t break it or crumble it or corrupt it. You sit and look. Pretty soon you find yourself looking all the time.

It’s not a meditation. You don’t try to calm yourself or reach for a spiritual or peaceful state. You look at “I don’t exist.”

Look at your life through the view that you don’t exist. Is it true that you literally do not exist? Is it true that you are not experiencing life. There is just the experience of life. That you did not exist before you were born, and life was not given to you after you were born. It is not your life because life was not given to you after birth. There is just life. You are an imagination, supported by thoughts. They are not your thoughts. They are thoughts. There is no you who is registering this moment; there is just registering of this moment.

I do this for ten minutes at a time. I walk or pace around when I get into this.

Everyone’s experience at this will be different. If it brings up agitation and anger, or peace and quiet, remember that the you which feels this anger or quiet does not exist. There is just anger or there is just calm. If you feel that you don’t quite know what you’re doing, or that you’re missing some secret, remember that the you which feels this insecurity does not exist.  There is just insecurity. If you understand this rationally, remember that the you which claims understanding does not exist. There is only understanding.

Unfortunately, I come to this like the proverbial full cup of tea. I have to put aside what I think I know to make room for this. And yes, the “I” which is full of pre-conceived notions does not actually exist…

245 thoughts on “You do not exist

  1. Sarah

    It is pretty scary to confront that I don’t exist. I have done it. I work to do it. People do it all the time. They have moments of “Wow, I can’t believe I had that false belief/feeling/fear! Glad that’s over now! I won’t have to go through that again!” And what is a moment of enlightenment turns into a fresh lie. The “ah ha, I passed the test!” moment is a lie.

    It is very hard to articulate the value of the truth. Very hard. And yet seeming people strive, in someway, toward that understanding.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      It’s scary to confront I don’t exist because of the fear of death. But there is no you to die. There is no you to feel the fear, only fear.

      The thing you say about I can’t believe I had the false belief/feeling/fear–that’s what the release technique I have here is about. It’s about seeing that we can hold on to or let go of any emotion or belief. It’s not like we have two people in us; one which wants to hold and another which wants to let go. It’s our own thoughts and emotions which pull and push against one another to give the self reality which it doesn’t have.

      The thing about seeing through the self, if you understand it rationally, you’re ready to recognize the truth behind it. My recognition is not abiding either–so I don’t want to say much more about it at this point. Except this is the crux of awakening. Everything else just is dancing around it.

      1. StepVheN

        It is take it from somewhere who did this. It was hard and scary. There is a chance that friends and family will reject you after. There is a chance you will not mesh with society anymore…. Or at least that is what you THINK.

        It’s what I thought.

        Scared me silly.

        the only reason I went through with it is because I saw I was being uncourageous in not diving in head first.

        I couldn’t live with a self that was a coward so I jumped and the idea of a coward evaporated

  2. Janice R.

    Okay, I will take a ride on the crazy train. Your last few articles are a real stretch for me. Whatever Mr. K., is drinking I have one too. You are losing me but not entirely. I have been having these quiet moments where I am not re-living yesterday and not programming my tomorrows. I am not having fantasties, not bitching about something I don’t have, not complaining at all. Strange, I know. But, MAYBE, I might be having some presence. I am not aware of my body or surroundings but I am not counting my breath either. Now I am not trying to compare my moment with your new understandings. Not by a long shot.
    I admire you for putting your money where your mouth is. To me it’s like your calling the Universe’s bluff. It all sounds crazy to me, but I am really curious. Keep me posted, I want to see how this all turns out for you.
    That way I can say, “I knew Mr. K., BEFORE, he was completely enlightened”. You will be my brush with fame.
    Love ya like a fat girl loves birthday cake,

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Do it, Janice.

      Consider this:

      life was not given to you
      therefore it is not your life
      there never was a you
      just the illusion of you

      Ah, a birthday cake. I don’t exist but I can be a birthday cake!

  3. Nitin Panchal

    Namaste Kaushikbhai,

    Beyound my (which is not exist) understanding, So we were like vegetable when we born, but then parents/society gave us all the tittles…
    All the the thoughts, emotions, qualities are the one’s body’s chemical action / reaction?……so who is this reading and who is this writing ?
    I and you is delusion and same I & you want to be out from delusion, what will left?
    just the physical body…..
    Not sure how to digest it, but you have extra ordinary understanding and great way to write it. Not reach that level yet to get this fully…
    But enjoying the articles.


    1. Kaushik Post author

      The delusion of self takes up all our attention, so awakening from that delusion is an expansion of consciousness, not a contraction. And, yes, these intellectual questions will come up. My god, who will I be without a self? What is life and what is awakening and what is good and bad and heaven and hell and free will and responsibility and good and evil and God and so on.

      But this much simpler than any of these questions.

      By looking at the world through an imaginary self, we are lying to ourselves.

      This is nothing new. This is the foundation of the Advaita, Zen, Toaism, nonduality, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti and many others.

      This is the basic delusion, and this is the delusion that we try to see through when we take on practices like meditation and spirituality and awareness and release and so on. But the problem with practices is that practice is about the self. Practice is something you do over and over to get better at it. And we do that because awakening is tricky or difficult.

      But what if that is just an assumption? What if seeing through the delusion of self is not a matter of long practice, but just a matter of recognizing something that’s right in front of us?

      That’s what I’m exploring. I don’t have the answer because I have not recognized Truth yet. I have felt it, I now know rationally that “I” am only an idea, but the recognition has not dawned yet.

      light and peace,

    2. Kaushik Post author

      “Not reach that level yet to get this fully…”

      Yes, you have.

      We cannot understand this fully until we experience it. It is a common trick of the ego to want to understand something mentally. But the mind cannot.

      You cannot awaken, because you do not exist. The self which wants to awaken and wants to be enlightened and wants to be spiritual cannot awaken because it does not exist. What can awaken is already awake.

      I know that sounds a little mystical. It’s not.

      You are completely ready to see that you do not exist.

      Start with this:

      There is an assumption that there is someone experiencing life. There is not. There is only life.

      It is not your life. You did not exist prior to life. Life was not given to you.
      You do not think. There is just thinking.
      You do not breathe. There is just breathing.
      You are not aware. There is just awareness.
      You do not hold on or let go. There is holding or letting go.

      There is no executive you in charge of all of life.

      You did not exist before you were born.

      So how did you come to be?

      You are an imagination, an idea, a belief, which the mind thought up. You are an extra layer on top of life which is not needed.

      Thoughts and emotions give the impression that there is a you experiencing these thoughts and emotions.

  4. Philip

    Hey K,

    I love your directness in this latest post. No mucking about here get straight to the main artery.
    Such a contrast to the days of the talks of J Krishnamutri (bless him), where his 2hour talk could be condensed into a few sentences, if he were not so worried about being misunderstood

    .Ok, say I accept that every single thing in this world is the multifaceted expression of consciousness (oneness) in the level of form. You have two people/bodies standing next to each other A & B. Is not the difference between A & B, say size, skin colour, talent, knowledge, temperament, experience: ie that which differentiates them, is that not a sense of self . This sense of self may not be identified with the ultimate reality of who they are, but it is still a sense that A is this and B is that. Is this not important a sense of self in the corpreal realm? Or all we are all just robotic clones of each other, or am I missing the point.


    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Philip,

      Yes, that’s it, directness. Why muck around?

      The foundational delusion is the self.

      That’s nothing new–it’s the basis of Eastern philosophy, and of Eckhart Tolle and many of the awakened. We interact with the world as imaginary “me”–no wonder humanity is in the condition it’s in.

      This is the foundational delusion–we read about it, absorb it, agree with it and promptly forget about it and move on to learning and practicing and spirituality and meditation and so on.

      This is the foundational delusion. Shouldn’t we tackle this directly?

      The reason we don’t is because we believe awakening is tricky or difficult. That it takes years of practice, and then with good karma or piece of good luck, we will somehow cross some spiritual threshold, and viola, we’ll be special.

      I’m exploring if this is really true. What if we look at it directly? Not as a meditation, but look at it in the normal way.

      light and peace,

  5. Philip

    Sorry about the timing it says 1.54am but here in Australia its 3.54pm. I will try and post more in the morning.


  6. Sarah

    As I understand it, we die all the time. We die in a breath. We die in our sleep. We literally become new people, over and over again, in a single lifetime. We just don’t recognize those “deaths” or births.

    What we fear about the “final” death” is the loss of identity. *That* identity – the checklist of who we are according to events of this life – doesn’t exist. It is an illusion. And as we move down the path of spiritual awakening, our attachment to that concept of identity becomes fuzzier. Eventually it is like a balloon we pull lazily behind us. Eventually, we let go of the string and realize we are not the balloon, but the air.

    Now, that sounds like nothingness. But it isn’t. Because awareness exists even in the ” I am the air” state. Which is to say that we are, will be, have been. Being. Our unique being somehow persists even as it is merged with the whole. But it is very hard to articulate. It has no value in being articulated. It is something to experience.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Yes, exactly, the identity–the checklist of who we think we are, which is memories and desires and hopes and thoughts, does not exist. We can look inside and see that we don’t exist. The ego is nowhere to be found.

      You go on to say that along the spiritual path of awakening, our attachment to identity gradually loosens, until one day we leave it behind. And this is reasonable, and this is what I have talked about here. I talk about using practices of awareness and release to gradually loosen identity.

      We talk about this gradual loosening because we believe that enlightenment is difficult and tricky. It takes time and practice and some magical stroke of luck.

      What if that is a myth?

      What if there is a direct way of looking to recognize that there is no identity?

      love and peace,

      1. Sarah

        I am sure that “gradual” is a myth. We are always what we are even if we cannot fathom it. I felt I had to explain every step on the path least I leave someone behind. But now I see we are all walking it, aware or not. Awareness doesn’t wait for us or choose a select few. It is. And we blip in and out of it but never leave it really. Sometimes my ego grips me into focus. Its a necessary focus at times, just not my identity, which is challenging to remember – to allow the ego to do its work without taking over as “me.” For example, my ego does the writing but writing is only a symbol to carry my ideas. These words are not the same as my idea. Likewise, all is symbolic in this life of “me” and none of it conveys my essential self except symbolically.

        1. Kaushik Post author

          Yes. That the “me” does not exist is true. It’s true when we believe it, and true when we don’t, and true when we blip in, or blip out. So we can’t break it or crumble it or collapse it. It’s not fragile. We can test it hard.

          And so we go after it directly. Look. Look at life through the view that you don’t exist.

    2. Bill Cass

      Hi Sarah….As I was reading what you and K were chatting about I came to see that the ego must be the thing that keeps us locked into delusion and we think the delusion is real. We slowly begin to see through delusion and are surprised by what was there the whole time.

  7. Jeffrey Lapointe

    I don’t exist. I have had that thought in my head for years. How is it that I don’t exist? How do I become aware of something that is not there?

    I actually enjoy Krisnamurti’s comment that real life is meditation – that proper observation leaves you no choice – that the observation and the choice meld as one. That meditation is a manner of attention wherever you are. When I become aware of the world with disregard for myself then I suppose I don’t exist. When I lose myself to the scent of a flower – all I am at that moment is the scent of the flower. When I overlook a grand mountain all I AM is the mountain in it’s mysterious grandness. When I learn to see the world without a need or an end – then I become that moment. Whatever moment I choose to focus on – I become…as long as I don’t project it to an end or a past memory. This is no small matter.

    I am aware of myself only when I create a relation to ownership. If I can learn to own nothing, to see that there is no importance in anything directly, if I can observe my attachments to a future or past event – this helps to reinforce to keep me in a non ownership mode.

    I can’t say that I have experienced some kind of all encompassing – I am everywhere at once enlightenment – things you read about with Sri Yukteswar (guru of Yogananda) or Babaji or ?? But what I can notice is that in dualistic life – there is a direction or a relation – and as much as we consciously shed our relations we are tangled beautifully among so many.

    That this tanglement is the beauty of life and we are a part of that as much or as little as we choose. Even the great masters exist in a tanglement for there is always higher conscious paths to attain yet most often they remain among the people.

    There seems to be some relation to the level of enlightenment and the manner in which these people choose to help people. That actually the people prevent the consciousness of an enlightened person from going further because the Truth is only a stretch away from the people – a distance that can help bridge everyone.

    Enlightenment in my view is either a one time process – to complete full oblivious void, or a continual process of different grades. Whether we hop or stride does not matter. Perhaps it would be interesting to measure enlightenment in terms of the amount of compassion we have for our friends, family and neighbors. That as our enlightenment blossoms so does our necessity to help and be a part of people’s lives. The more we dis-identify with ourselves the more we move to Be a part of other people’s lives.

    To me this is an easier qualification to ask myself personally – how much do I feel to help my fellow man and to what regard. Maybe I feel for the world and the planet and strive to Be this way (Jesus?) – or perhaps to only the people around me . This is obviously called ‘service’ to others – but where it differs from a general definition is that it comes from within our hearts where there is no ownership and therefore no conflict for striving to meet an end.

    Do I exist? …only when I think about it
    Perhaps another question – What is this moment right now?

    Thanks again Kaushik for providing this loving place to explore and express – your service has become my moment.

    Love and light

    1. Kaushik Post author


      There’s a lot here, and yes these questions come up. It’s hard to know the answers to these questions in the mind. You might notice that even when you think you do know an answer, there isn’t any certainty around it. Sometimes there are revelations, but there are also doubts. Sometimes we say we believe something only because we can articulate it, and we can’t articulate what we really know. And on and on.

      Go to the basics.

      The central thing about awakening is the delusion of self.

      This is of course nothing new. You’ve heard this before. But I suspect that you, just like I have, and all others, take note of it but don’t really pursue it.

      With the viewpoint that you don’t exist, go back and read your favorite awakening stuff. Go back and read Tolle. And suddenly, it’s all over the place

      So consider it. With focus, consider the question. Do you exist? Are you just your imagination?

      The body exists. Thinking exists. Memories exist. Do you exist?

      It is this imagination of self which separates you from being.

      love and peace,

  8. Pingback: Thought-form Me | flow |

  9. Masi

    Hello Kaushik,

    What I get from this post & the ensuing discussion is to just BE. In the moment. Be fresh, new, re-born in the moment, every moment. Otherwise, “It is this imagination of self which separates you from being.”

    PS I’m in Vancouver now! Well, the part of me that exists 😉

    with much love,


    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Masi,

      So good to hear from you.

      I mean literally that you do not exist. Right now, think about you. The you that you think you are right now does not exist. This is not a mystical or magical thing. This is not philosophy. This is not some clever spiritual theory. This is literal truth. You do not exist.

      You don’t think. There is thinking.
      You don’t breathe. There is breathing.

      If you imagined a cup, you would give it some attributes. You might say the cup is round, it is white, it is heavy and so on. But the cup does not exist because you imagined it.

      In the same way, you have imagined yourself. And you have given yourself attributes. I think. I breathe. I hurt. I want. I desire. I suffer. And having given these attributes, the imagined you feels more and more real.

      There is just thinking and breathing and wanting and desiring.

      Sit and think about this. You don’t exist.

      You have to actually sit and think.


      1. Masi

        Deepak Chopra explains: All the power and fulfillment humans yearn for exist in the present moment. In the now is tremendous energy, more than the mind can imagine. Nothing could be closer, yet nothing slips away faster. That is the mystery and the paradox. To solve it, realize that you are this moment.

        1. Kaushik Post author

          This is a great pointer. And there are many other pointers such as this one which helps us at various times in our journey, such as awareness, release, presence, acceptance, meditation, observing thought, keeping attention in the body, gratitude and so on. I’m sure you’re experience is that at different points in your journey, different pointers jump out at you.

          This is fine. What I’m exploring these days is whether there is more direct way. Awakening after all is about scraping off false layers. Is there a way to do this quickly?

          Seeing through the delusion of the self is crux of awakening. This is the lynchpin–everything else becomes much clearer when we can do this. You can prove this to yourself easily. Hold in your mind that you do not exist, that you are an imagination of mind. It is not your mind. It is just mind. They are not your thoughts. They are thoughts. You do not exist. Hold this in the mind and read or listen to your favorite awakening teacher. Listen to Adyashanti or Tolle or de Mello or someone like that, and you’ll see that suddenly they make sense in a much deeper way.

          Go after the delusion of self. Go after it now. You are more than ready.

          You do not exist. You did not exist when you were born. There is no you to think. Just thoughts. No you to breathe. Just breathing.

          Sit and consider this. Not like a meditation. But just look. You don’t have to do anything to look at the computer screen in front of you. In the same way you don’t have to do anything to look at this. Look. There is no you.

          1. Jeff Lapointe

            Awakening after all is about scraping off false layers.

            “Is there a way to do this quickly?”

            “Quickly” is a relative thing – sounds like you are striving… pushing…exploring with definate intent. The more you surrender should life not give you a custom solution to accelerated awakening in each diverse moment that you lift a false layer? Is it our job to reach or aim for an end or to become more sensitive to our changes?

            Love and light,

            1. Kaushik Post author

              Yup, these questions, and many others, will come up. What about striving and seeking and what about me and my hopes and desires and the future and surrender and the true meaning of spirituality and so on. Is practice necessary, and can practice ever really lead to awakening?

              Let the questions be. Take as simpler and more direct approach.

              You do not exist.

              Start with that.

      1. Masi

        Vancouver is wonderful – no wonder it’s called Beautiful British Columbia. I’m back here picking up where I left off 3 yrs ago when I had to leave to the Middle East for family emergency. At times, the path is clear and things fall into place like magic and other times I’m down on my knees stagnant, wondering what I am doing here.

    2. Jeff Lapointe

      Love Vancouver – am from Britsh Columbia. If you need any travel tips let me know – the whole province is a wonder!! really!

  10. Philip

    Hey Kaushik,
    It seems to me that everyone else approaches all this from the dream state. This includes ‘me’. This means intellectually, conceptually and thus in limited form. Surely the vast gap between understanding and ‘being’ it makes one question the whole ‘pursuit’ of contemplating it in the first place. If you cannot ‘do’ anything to awaken, one just has wait for the grace of the universe, then why read all this? (rhetorical question of course). To awaken or not to awaken that is the question.
    I understand these things but it gives me no great insight into the mystery or even the awareness to see the otherness. Frustration of the ‘seeker’?

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hey Philip,
      Yes, it can be a paradox. The “me” who wants to awaken cannot. And seeking itself precludes the finding. And so on.

      And it’s not just this paradox, but questions come up in the mind. What would I be without the “me”? What would happen to me, what about my desires and accomplishments and all that I am? What about all the spirituality I have learned?

      As you say, all of this is in the dream state.

      I’m saying let’s take a simpler and more direct approach.

      You do not exist. Sit with that for a while. It works from any angle. There is no one asking these questions. Only questions.

      light and peace,

  11. Masi

    Diamond becomes stone before You, lions small flowers;
    The sun before You shrinks tinier than any atom.
    In You, this whole world blazes now like Mount Sinai,
    Each of its atoms foams over with fire-water
    Each soul becomes Moses lost in the Vision of God.
    Each creature is soldered to You and its own Origin,
    Laughing at Nothingness and clapping its own miracle.
    Each leaf opens fresh and bright, each atom sings it discovery:
    “Resignation is the key to happiness,
    Grace is the door to the peace beyond the mind.”

    – Jalal-ud-Din Rumi

  12. StepVheN

    You are aware sir, that there are no people. There is no you. The ego does not exist.

    The mind simply thinks all of these things… and it is wrong.

    You do know that when you were born you were selfless and functioned perfectly fine, well enough to fashion a second secret life you overlaid on reality in your own head, while simultaneously living in reality but managing to ignore it in favour of your secret life?

    I am enlightened.

    You are close.

    Burn down all the conceptual BS clouding the truth in here and find it for yourself

    Truth, always truth

    1. Jet

      The concept is fine…
      But why is it “wrong” tho.

      Why can’t it just ‘be’ a byproduct of the mind being an intelligent entity – That it can create something called a self.

      When you understand that “you” or “I” are self-created, then cool. What implications does this have on whether this creation it is bad or good. Sure, the awareness that you are not your mind is dandy in a few situations. But is there more?

      Is there something about knowing that the self is ‘wrong’ which makes enlightenment so incredible, can’t the self just ‘exist’ as a manifestation of the mind – without a moral attachment.

      (I’ve actually been stuck on this…)
      Thoughts please?

      1. Sarah

        Hi Jet. Everlasting peace and love is pretty awesome. And *you* don’t deserve/can’t have everlasting peace and love. Good thing *you* don’t exist!

      2. Kaushik Post author

        Hi Jet,
        Yes, all these questions come up, about good and evil and morality and right and wrong and free-will and responsibility and attachment. The way I see it, seeing through the delusion of self is digging for the Truth. Let the chips fall where they may; no anticipation. The awakened tell us enlightenment is a pretty good thing.


      3. StepVheN

        It is a by-product of the mind exactly your right. It’s not that the creation is good or bad, it’s just that it’s no actually a creation. Your mind just THINKS it exists ya know? It doesn’t actually exist in reality.

        And what enlightenment is all about here is truth. Ya there’s a lot more. When your aware there is no you, you become aware that you do not won your emotions or thoughts, and so where in the past a feeling of sadness would cause thoughts of sadness and then feelings of anger at your situation creating a feedback of suffering now there is only the initial feeling which you realise you don’t own and so it evaporates.

        Freedom from suffering.

        You still have a full emotional range you just don’t get caught in any one emotion.

        Sweet deal really =D

        1. Masi

          There is no “I” that exists, just moments, this moment is all there is, and this too shall pass away, and evaporate if “I” does not cling to make it “mine”.

          absolutely liberating. two days ago anger came out, to the mind it wasn’t right thing to do, but i was aware in the moment that this wasn’t me, that this is the moment, and just like that it evaporated.

          but what to do about the mind’s habit when it does want to associate and exist??

          1. Kaushik Post author

            Yes, I’ve had these glimpses as well. Can this “seeing through” be permanent? I think so. I have not broken through but this is why I continue to do this inquiry.

            I say “I do not exist.”

            Is it true?

          2. StepVheN

            Ahh I see you guys have had a glimpse, this is great =D. Well in this case it’s just a matter of time, you conscious mind is aware of the fact that you do not exist both of you.

            Now all you need to do is to show that to your subconscious. The best way to do this is to take a look at the facts and see if you can find proof for a self in them.

            The facts are

            1 You were born, life began to flow and there was a body and mind.

            later on

            2 You grew and developed a language that required a self to operate.

            after that

            3 You assumed you were a “self” controlling a body and mind.

            If you look at this you will see that in fact there is no you. But just as important is the other side of the coin.

            If there is no you what’s going on here?


            Just pure life

            Thoughts arise feelings arise actions arise behaviours arise chance encounters arise all in the flow of life, there is no you in control guiding it.

            It’s all just the flow of life

            Liberation is when you realise that your mind THOUGHT you existed when in fact all there ever was was life happening now. The thought that you were in control or it was happening to you was wrong. There never was a you, there was only ever life.

            1. Kaushik Post author

              Very clear.

              This is the question that comes up in people mind often, especially people who have been around awakening and spiritual circles. If I don’t exist then what is there?

              And when there is a rational understanding, a fear comes up. A sort of thing which says, wait a minute, then everything I’ve done and felt and thought and dreamed and desired has been for something that doesn’t exist?

              Thanks, your explanation is clear.

          3. Masi

            Life happens. Of course! It’s liberating to let go of the victim role and the needless suffering when the mind and ego think I exist. Nowadays, I go with the flow. I notice that life flows much smoother when “I” am not in the way. When the “I” does not exist, it allows for new, fresh responses, actions, etc.

            StepVhen, this really makes speaks to me and answers my question: “Thoughts arise feelings arise actions arise behaviours arise chance encounters arise all in the flow of life, there is no you in control guiding it.”

            But then the question arises: what is guiding life?

          4. Masi

            My friends! My friends! However hard you look
            You’ll not find a trace of human nature in me!
            Even the maddest madman could never imagine
            What I have imagined in my heart!
            I am so extreme, even madmen flee me now!
            For I have mingled with death, soured and soared in Non-Being.

            – Jalal-ud-Din Rumi

          5. StepVheN

            What is guiding life is life. Life goes on of itself. What guides a river? Life simply is.

            If you really want to trace it back you can trace it to the big bang and see that life is an expression of itself.

          6. Masi

            Thanks, StepVhen for replying 🙂 Coincedentally, I answered myself just a couple of hours ago. If you think about it, its actually quite simple and straightforward when you see it but when the mind comes to play questions arise!

  13. robert

    WE THINK IN TERMS OF CAUSE AND EFFECT “in order for there do be doing, there must be a doer”



    Take a caveman out in the jungle.. He notices that the fruit isn’t good to eat when it is green, but if he leaves it for a few weeks it turns yellow and is ripe to eat. So he says “That’s rather interesting. It wasn’t my natural cause and effect thought system that noticed this ripening pattern… it was ME ! ”

    you are so close to permanent enlightenment. Read my blog – it will get you there fully.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      I read it, thanks.

      I think the looking goes something like this:

      Where do you start the math?

      I don’t exist. How can that be? I have thoughts, I breathe, I see myself in the mirror, I decide to do things, I make choices.

      And then: I don’t have thoughts; there is thinking. I don’t breathe; there is breathing. The delusion of self comes about from thought itself.

      And then: But I have awareness. And it feels like my awareness. I decide where to put awareness and attention. Isn’t it my awareness? My awareness is different from your awareness, so isn’t it my awareness?

      But if feels personal. Awareness feels like my awareness.

      Is it?

      Where do you start peeling this? With a math problem, I can start doing various calculations. If this doesn’t work, try that. Cancel the x’s, find equalities, and so on.

      With this where do go? Is it my awareness or isn’t it? How do you peel that?

      1. maverick09

        Hey Mate!

        [quote=”Kaushik”]With this where do go? Is it my awareness or isn’t it? How do you peel that?[/quote]

        Classic Chicken or Egg problem.

        But you see, thats the problem with rational thinking. It only leads you upto a certain point and cannot give an answer to that which falls beyond the normal ’cause and effect’ thing.

        Awareness is uncaused – eternal. There is no *I* that can possess Awareness.
        Awareness was before *I* was. *I* is just a thought…….

        1. Kaushik Post author

          Hey, Maverick, good to see you here.

          Awareness is uncaused. So it’s here before and after. Awareness stays. I am stuck in having identified with awareness.

          But the you still doesn’t refer to anything. I’m going with that.

  14. Janice R.

    Okay, I have been following this conversation intently. If we cannot get there through thinking (bear with me here, I am a real newbie) then how do we get there? I am a feeler, thinker, puzzle master. If I drop those characteristics/those reactions what is left? Nothing. Just blank. You have to understand that it is a big deal when I don’t respond with thinking and I don’t respond with prayer or meditation. Seriously, how do I respond to this information? I want to believe that enlightenment is not just for a select few. I feel like I need to fall through a certain rabbit hole and the hole is staring me in the face and I still cannot see it!!!
    You guys talk like you are already there. I swear that is great! I am happy for you, really. But, for me, someone that is not there, say something that will resonate for someone who has had tons of mystical experiences (non-drug induced and drug induced) but still has not had that switch turned on. Sorry that I sound so frustrated and I don’t mean to take it out on you all, but, this is so frustrating. Like Stephen (sorry about the spelling, I am typing really fast) said I will not stand for being afraid of this.
    Janice r.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Janice,

      In the Adyanshanti link you sent to me, he says that there is a puzzling taboo against enlightenment. People work at it, devote themselves completely, and yet when someone says they are enlightened, there is a resistance and push against that.

      I don’t know what enlightenment is. I’m not enlightened. I see this more as digging for Truth.

      This is a very valid technique. I have used it and written about it for a couple of weeks now, and even though I haven’t broken through, I have the clarity that this is a valid technique. It’s compelling, direct, and relentless.

      People who come here come here loyally because this site is about love and compassion. It is about sharing. Self-honesty and authenticity are very hard, and I have been working on that in what I write here. Honesty and authenticity develop, and people respond positively to that. Your comments for example are always very honest and open, and this encourages the rest of us.

      Some people have expressed concern about the other side of it. If you don’t exist, then what is there? StepVhen in his comment to Masi says what is left is life. Maverick says there is causeless awareness. These are good answers. I would like to say there is causeless love.

      As to “I am a feeler, thinker, puzzle master. If I drop those characteristics/those reactions what is left?” I say you are ready for this inquiry. You are more ready than I am–I am full of pre-conceived ideas about awakening. You are fresher. You can start with thinking about this. I did.


  15. Sarah

    “The Truth” comes as soon as you stop accepting a framework of lies. Its a matter of looking away from the struggle, of accepting the struggle does not and did not ever exist. And neither do all those thoughts called you. Seeking is a form of judging.

    Never trust someone who claims to know what they are about. The ego/mind will attach itself to anything. As soon as you feel good, it will say “wow, I did that!” and suddenly you are Awareness and the mind is back tracking to figure out how it did that so it can do it again. Its a scam. Don’t fall for the scam. Just enjoy. You aren’t free as long as you are “seeking.”

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Your words resonate. Do not seek. But then I can’t help it. I think most of us can’t.

      There is something to this method. It’s direct, unrelenting, compelling. I made the mistake of seeking, looking for a change in the beginning and I was stuck. And then I was able to relax about that. Not looking for a change. Just looking, with the view that I don’t exist.

      The thing you say about “wow, I did that!” is very relevant. Yes, there is a lot of that. Right now I don’t to exactly what to make of it. I’m exploring this because if I do make sense of it, I think I can articulate it.

  16. Sabel

    I believe that I don’t exist and that thoughts and actions just happen. I know all of this intellectually but keep getting stuck when I try to really look at it. I’m trying to figure out how I can seemingly “say to myself” I will lift my right arm in 5 seconds. Then my arm lifts in 5 seconds. How did that happen. I just, it seems, of my own free will decided that I will make my arm move. It seems like I created that thought just as I am thinking about and composing what I’m writing right now. It doesn’t seem to just be happening. It seems like I can stop typing anytime I want to. If I don’t exist then what is trying to realize the fact that it doesn’t exist? Can someone tell me where I’m getting this confused?

    1. Sarah

      Here’s a hint: whenever you have a thought that refers to you as “you” tell it simply: “you do not exist.” Focus on the “you” as a trigger word. Objectively maintain awareness of the movement of action – the movement, not the arm. And don’t tell yourself “I am awareness.” That’s “you” come back again. Don’t ever tell yourself what you are. Don’t take the result of past action as a measurement – the movement of the arm, as you. You are not an arm, certainly. Expand to accept an unknown identity. You cannot be annihilated. The mind is like an outdated institution. It will fight for its existence like a dictator. But it does not exist.

      1. Sarah

        You can’t say something to yourself. There is only one you. The “saying” is thought. The fact that we are trained to think that the self-talking is separate from the self-listening is a lie. Its a trick of language. Its only possible in language. Even if you have a breakthrough and see that you are not a particular set of thoughts/actions. If then say to yourself you are awareness, you are fundamentally dividing yourself again. So long as you think in stages, you are being held by your thoughts and not free. The thinking mind can stop – but it will fight for supremacy like an animal. The real you cannot be annihilated. But thoughts fight for existence like any other creation. You are the creator. Be unafraid to stop your own creation. Enjoy.

        1. Masi

          “But thoughts fight for existence like any other creation. You are the creator. Be unafraid to stop your own creation.”

          thank you so much for this, Sarah!!

    2. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Sabel,

      My experience with this is not complete. I started this just like you with an intellectual understanding. I plan to write about my experience so far in the next post. I will respond with the way I understand this.

      Everything you describe about raising your arm can happen without the sense of I.

      “If I don’t exist then what is trying to realize the fact that it doesn’t exist? ”

      I was stuck here too. It’s only an assumption that you must exist to be able to realize something. You don’t exist. You don’t understand. Recognition happens.

      1. Sabel

        I think one of my biggest problems is that I’ve been studying all of this constantly lately and I feel like I’ve somehow become numb to the meaning of words like I, me, self etc… It’s like I see them only as pointers now and can’t really look at how I see them in myself. For instance if someone were to have asked me “who am I?” before it would have been a deep question but now it’s so common that’s it’s lost all meaning. I’m not sure if this makes sense.

        1. Kaushik Post author

          Yes, I did the same. You can decide to take this very personally. And that’s why it’s there is no you or there is no I, and not there is no false self or there is no ego. Because the other words add a level of safe abstraction for the mind. The no-I gets right to it.

        2. Sarah

          Look at how crazy the mind is! It has you believing you don’t know what the word “you” means. Ha! Don’t follow that trail. Its crazy. You CANNOT “see them in myself” because you cannot see yourself because you can only BE yourself. Try sticking your head in your mouth. If you can do it, then you can tell me you can see yourself.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      You’re right. I haven’t updated that page for a while. It’s meant to be a list of resources which I have found helpful. And what we find helpful at any particular time changes.

      1. Sabel

        I hope you don’t think I was being critical of your list. I was just surprised that with all of the Mooji videos on the net that you hadn’t encountered any yet.

  17. Janice R.

    Mr. K., thank you for providing all of us a safe place to express honestly.
    Sarah, your light has been rocking this page like crazy. It has been necessary for me to take these pieces in bite size offerings. Typically, my ego wants to grab the whole concept or information and try to swallow it whole, THEN go back and try to anaylze each piece of what I just consumed.
    I think, I am not sure, but, I think that my ego is telling me that I should be Awake and that I am doing something wrong, because I am not Awake. My ego is screaming, I can get you there if you listen to me! So, like a good stepford student I am trying the ABC’s of Awakening. Be quiet, stop resisting, think, You do not exist! How do you know that? meditation, Tolle CD’s.
    I realize this sounds pathetic, but I feel like I am standing there looking at paintings, I look at a Salvador Dali painting and I am the only one in the gallery that doesn’t GET IT. Do you think my ego is attached to some kind of drama surrounding this realization and wants to suffer through this realization? If so, how do I make peace with my ego through this?
    Love to all,
    P.S. I hope this makes some kind of sense to somebody.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      You and I are exactly in the same place. You seem to have this notion that you are somehow behind.

      How do you make peace with your ego? It’s not your ego. It’s ego. The ego is the bunch of thoughts and emotions which give the impression they are you. They are not. The you does not refer to anything.

      with love,

      1. Janice

        Okay, Mr. K.
        are you saying that Janice does not own her own individual ego. There just is ego? Like there is creativity, imagination, it may feel like my creativity did this beautiful photograph, but it is not my creativity. There just is creativity? Like I just dialed into creativity for a second and got a good shot?
        I hope I am not one of your “spiritual nut cases”. I laughed my ass off when I read that comment.
        Love ya,

        1. Kaushik Post author

          Yes, it’s a good way to see through the false sense of “I.” It’s not your life; it’s life. It’s not your awareness; it’s awareness. It’s not your body; it’s body. Take a look.

          Hehe, you’re not a spiritual nut case. You’re a sincere seeker. It was the language and words that Zenoian uses. But what Zenoian says in essence is: LISTEN. That is, listen to awareness, not the sub-vocal voice of thinking. So we’re on the same page; I say it differently. I say observe, be aware, let go, be honest internally.

          The red flags go up whenever anyone starts using words like “oneness” and “unity consciousness” or “karma” and so on. These are borrowed words which often point to nothing more than imagined concepts.

    2. Ralph

      Janice, you cannot make peace with your ego because that is like saying how can ego make peace with ego ?

      … all you can do is realize (SEE) that you are not the ego and let ego do what it does. ….. let it be.

      1. Janice R.

        Guess what? I actually had a few moments in time last night where I really got it when you said “you can’t make peace with ego”. Ego is ego.
        It felt really good. My question, is how do I stay in that space? It kept coming in and floating away. In and out. It would not stay.

        1. Sarah

          Is that really *you* asking that question, Janice, or your ego asking it? Because your ego *can’t* go to that space. And you can tell it as much.

          1. Janice R.

            I suppose my ego is talking when I say that I cannot stay in that space. It comes and goes.
            Oh my gosh, what if your right???? what if, just what if my ego thinks it is calling all the shots? what if my ego thinks Yeah, I’m the Mac and I am like “really”? Is that right? Hmmm……
            I mean I am not trying to be a street fighter on this, but, that kinda ticks me off.
            Love ya, Sarah.
            Hi ya, Mr. K.

            1. Sarah

              You should be ticked off because it is trying to call all the shots. Its like an animal fighting for purpose. It doesn’t know its place. Its up to you to provide the discipline. Stay strong!

  18. Sarah

    Thank you to K for writing this post. Thank you to Janice and others who have complimented my words. If any wisdom or light comes through me, its collective.

    There are lots of resources online to help people through the journey and clear K provides one place. But sometimes we need a mentor to help us through. I took a PN course with Steve Gunn ( It helped me. I had to work through ego-issues and residual emotions nd Steve helped me. But beyond help, he gave me energy practices to help keep me grounded and centered that I could have *NEVER* gotten online or in a book.

    We need each other for a reason. But the reason is not what you suspect. We are not here to teach each other the “right” way to see a painting. We are the painters. And the janitors. And the architects and builders. The specialist and the suppliers. All those things make it possible to judge yourself against them
    as Janice did when she wrote “I feel like I am standing there looking at paintings, I look at a Salvador Dali painting and I am the only one in the gallery that doesn’t GET IT.”

    “I feel I” is impossible. Its a trick of language. Look at it: “I feel I.” Impossible! Insane! And I “get it.” I just don’t identify with that game any longer.

    The Universe is such a wonderful place of infinite joy and creativity. We are not here to “get it.” We are here to enjoy.

  19. Janice R.

    what if Mr. K. & Ralph’s information is correct? obviously more realignment necessary.

    Actually, I think I am still purging crap that has been stuck in my physical body especially memories stuck in my heart and lungs. Painful/glorious realizations are coming right and left. It is like ( and I am trying to use words here) tons of “the history of me” are being released. Only a week or so ago I was released from my personal image of God. Wow, you say, well I say, I did not do it. It was done for me. I would not consciously go back and pull this stuff out by the root. Part of me doesn’t even care. I have moments where I just want to sit back and watch the show. I have not even wanted to turn the station, dial in to a less painful show, one I think I can control. Not even once. I have no idea where this is going. I got a feeling that by the time this process is done there won’t be anything left of me.
    Love you all,

    1. Ralph

      Janice, by the time this process is done, you will understand this quote :

      “When I see I am nothing, that is wisdom. When I see I am everything, that is love. My life is a movement between these two.”

      ~ Nisargadatta

    2. Kaushik Post author

      It’s confusing, isn’t it? There is a vast amount of information out there and much of it is contradictory. What do you follow? What do you do?

      I go to the basics. What is it that I really know? Truly, starkly, nakedly, what is it that there is certainty of. The only thing that there is 100% certainty is that there is existence. Even if all of everything we know is a delusion or verisimilitude, there is something which senses that, so there is existence.

      What else do I know? Is there such a thing as awakening? I think there is, but that is conjecture. I can’t be sure of it. I can only go by what some people have said.

      What is awakening? Well, there hardly seems to be any agreement or consistent definition so I say simply that it feels that there is a way to live life which is easy, flowing, and natural, without the psychological fear which makes up most of our emotions and thoughts and actions. I think this a natural way to be and I already am that but I am under the delusion that I am not.

      I am under that delusion because the mind has layered assumptions on top of perceptions. The mind has certain functions, like analyzing and reading and writing and puzzling, and it has created an idea of self, the idea of me, which threads through every thought and belief and idea and emotion. So, the first thing to do is to see through this delusion.

      This is where I am now. A month ago I would have said something different.

      And of course it is very confusing when people tell us that seeking is futile. How can that be? How can we ever find without seeking? The way I see that is that I am already awake, and it is seeking which adds to the delusion that I am not. And yet there has to be a recognition of all of this for awakening to be true.

      What I’m going after here is the recognition. I’m not trying to change anything. I’m not trying to be different or live a different life or seek glory or seek wisdom or achieve. Just recognition.

      This is where I am. If I am wrong I will know it when it is time to know it. If I am right, there will be recognition.

      You said “Only a week or so ago I was released from my personal image of God.”

      That is huge!

      I love you, Janice.

      1. Ralph

        Yes, there is existence, yes there is awakening, and yes there is the delusion that you are not already that…. but now I ask you one question that can lead to recognition :

        What do you now SEE that stands in the way of recognition ? …can it be YOU ?

        1. Kaushik Post author

          Yes, it’s me. I am in the way of the recognition that I don’t exist.

          My intellectual understanding of this is thorough, and it’s getting in the way of recognition.

          1. Ralph

            Just curious, what makes you think that you don’t already have the recognition ?

            … “I don’t know” leads you to the recognition, can you rest there ?

            1. Kaushik Post author

              I considered that. I wondered if there already is recognition and I’m losing it in mental gymnastics. I’m assuming that true recognition would be obvious. A clicking sound. Some sort of alignment.

          2. Masi

            In my experience, the recognition has been very subtle and alignment occurs while equanimity is maintained. But when the mind identifies with the experience then I’m off track and this is when the thinking mind, thoughts, emotions that arise fight for existence, as Sarah points out. That is, until I remember that “I” do not exist and then thoughts and emotions that look to attach to an “I” are released effortlessly as they arise.

            So no loud thump of recognition for me either. But more of an a-ha moment (moment of bliss); which helps me be mindful of what arises in my present moments.

  20. Janice R.

    Hi Mr. K.,
    Hi Ralph,
    Ralph that quote took my breath away. I felt no form in me when the words went into my body.

    Mr. K., what do I do? I really am not doing anything. Truthfully, I stopped sitting down and waiting for Awakening to show up. I said to Awakening the other day, I cleaned this condo and waited on you, and zippo, you stood me up.
    I am however creating a ton more space for openess. For me that means, I am not trying to control anything. I have noticed that I am doing more of my days by instinct and when thinking starts, I say, no thanks Thinking, I have some other stuff to do. Then I go about my chores to go to the office, etc. I know you can’t tell it here, but, I am less chatty too. I feel quiet and then usually a storm shows up. Love or Pain. Take your pick. I never know, the big thing I am noticing is that whatever the memory/feeling/physical sensation I don’t resist it. When I said to the universe “I surrender” I meant, this would probably be a good time to surrender, but Universe took that teeny tiny whisper, grabbed it and I feel like I have been in a cyclone since.
    Love to all,

    1. Masi

      You brought tears to my eyes!!

      I have troubling expressing myself easily, as I do not have the confidence or patience to allow the right words to come, and then I get frustrated… but I am here now to thank you all for YOUR words.

      thank you forever Kaushik for all that you are and all that you do.

    2. Kaushik Post author

      Yes, create more space, more openness. It’s already there. Yes, don’t try to control, just notice. Yes, emotions of love and pain come, and they go. Notice, allow, and they can be let go of. Yes, don’t resist, allow, watch–there is wisdom in that. Surrender. Yes, the damned cyclones.

      And then at some point the question comes up. Who is it who does all this? Who wants openness, surrender? Who is it that is holding on to emotions and who is it who wants to let go? Are there two people in there? Who am I?

      And through this I understood, mentally, I don’t exist. The I which did all of this does not exist.

      And at that point there is no choice but to go into this. I do not exist. Is that true?

      1. Ralph

        ….. perhaps this quote will help you :

        The unknown is not measurable by the known. Time cannot measure the timeless, the eternal, that immensity which has no beginning and no end. But our minds are bound to the yardstick of yesterday, today and tomorrow, and with that yardstick we try to inquire into the unknown, to measure that which is not measurable. And when we try to measure something which is not measurable, we only get caught in words.
        — Krishnamurti, New Delhi 1970

  21. Janice R.

    S.O.S. Please Masi & Ralph don’t leave me & Mr. K. alone. Masi your comments and expressions on here are helping me. I don’t care how you say them. I don’t care if you singing the words backwards. Your expressions are beautiful.

    Okay, Ralph, I realize you are the dude here. Don’t give up on any of us. I live in Kentucky. Yes, it is a beautiful state and I was born here. But, believe me when I say, I do not physically live in an area that Hindu teachers flock to.

    Mr. K. is physics and I am granola. My inclination is to feel my way along. I don’t know what is right! But, I think I definitely need a guide.
    Love you all, thanks Mr. K.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Janice you’re feeling some fear and insecurity. This is natural–I’ve felt it too, especially when I on the cusp of a truth.

      I use the release technique here to let go of fear and insecurity and impatience.

      It’s not about Hindu teachings–Hindu teachings have ageless wisdom but there is also a lot of indirectness built up in them through ages of interpretation and analysis. I started this website to awaken and share experience, but also to discover very direct methods, if there are any to be be discovered. The way to do this, I believe, is to try to let go practices and beliefs and knowledge and concepts, and look at one thing at a time.


    2. Masi

      Same to you, Janice, same to you. Your posts help me tremendously to relate with what’s going on and all the lingo. I find I can get pretty wrapped up in some of the “words” like I’m in a maze but then find your posts like reference points.

      It’s pretty simple really but can get pretty confusing and complicated with language, and the way mind processes language/words. I’m also learning that I am much better feeling this than talking about it, especially in english.

      I must say Janice some of your posts make me laugh out loud, i.e. the underwear comment!! You’re very funny, I love you for that and for being so open and kind. Thanks for making this serious journey much more fun :-))

  22. Janice R.

    Okay, Ralph, I am glad you ask that question. Because, my answer keeps changing. Like awhile back I wanted to be closer to God. Then I wanted all my painful feelings to go away. But, if you have followed any of my sharings on here, those two things have definitely changed shape. Those wants are not monster cravings anymore. I got to tell you, it has not been a blast. I have cried like the pain in my heart is a 1,000 years old. No joke. But, the pain and the joy are vague now. Like a thunderous storm cloud that passed by.
    I want to say, Ralph tell me the truth, tell me where to go to get the truth. But the statement “You don’t exist” does not resonate with me. Not in my head not in my body. I feel that nowhere. What I really want to ask is “what is the point of my existence”? if I am a nobody (I do not exist) what has been the point? Do not say there has never been a point for me, because I would never understand that and besides it would really hurt my feelings.
    Love to all,

    1. Ralph

      Okay, Janice, you ask “what is the point of my existence ?”

      …. great question, I asked that question as well and I can only respond from my inquiry.
      My investigation led to waking up to my true nature which is Love. My search started many years ago because I was not happy in the world around me. I did not fit in to society’s way of life. I desperately was seeking freedom and peace within myself and still function in this world that I live in.

      The truth is that you do exist but not from the place you are looking. Who you truly are is ALL of it and not a separate self that you take yourself to be. You are LOVE.

  23. Janice R.

    Good Evening Mr. K.,
    Yes, I have been practicing release/patience and feeling insecurity and fear. You are exactly right. I love those techniques they have been a lifesaver for me. They ground me. Also, I am sorry I labled you physics. I get so impatient and I am typing too fast. What I am trying to say is even though we are the same, we approach these questions from a different angle. Please forgive me. the truth is, I am intimitated by your brain/intellect you are one of the smartest people I have ever not met.

    Ralph, you know I am dying to ask what techniques you used, but, that kinda feels like I would be looking through your underwear drawer. I don’t mean to sound flip, but, it seems so personal. Like this is not a one size fits all thing. Is that true?
    Please bear with me, if I am looking at myself from the wrong viewpoint, how do I adjust my viewpoint. I want to see what you see.
    Love to all,

    1. Ralph

      “Truth must be discovered, but there is no formula for its discovery. You must set out on the uncharted sea, and the uncharted sea is yourself. You must set out to discover yourself…”

      J. Krishnamurti,

  24. Janice R.

    Ralph, please beg my pardon, but even while that quote is beautiful and rolls off my tongue, it is not a tool that I can put my hands on. I know, I know, beggars can’t be choosers but is there any action tool or technique that you would recommend?
    If you would rather not share, I understand. Kinda.
    As always thanks,

    1. Ralph

      Janice, if you ask for my opinion then that quote says it all… it is the tool I used and recommend it to you

      Here is another quote (tool or technique) that worked for me and hope it works for you.

      “We have a fear of facing ourselves. That is the obstacle. Experiencing the innermost core of our existence is very embarrassing to a lot of people. A lot of people turn to something that they hope will liberate them without their having to face themselves. That is impossible. We can’t do that. We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to see our gut, our excrement, our most undesirable parts. We have to see them. That is the foundation of warriorship, basically speaking. Whatever is there, we have to face it, we have to look at it, study it, work with it and practice meditation with it.”

      ~ Chogyam Trungpa

      …. so what I am trying to get at is “face yourself”.

      1. Janice R.

        If I read this one more time I am going to start screaming.
        I have discovered & examined the MOST embrassing crap in myself. Over and over. I am not hiding from this.

        1. Ralph

          The ‘screaming’ will turn to ‘inner peace’ if you stay with it.

          Can you now see why most people will do anything BUT face themselves ?

  25. Janice R.

    Hi ya, Ralph,
    I just read the article by “Light” you recommended on Mr. K.’s new article. It was the first complete explanation of some serious things I have been looking at. I feel like a giant crazy person just left my dining room. You have no idea how much more settled I feel. I have been trying to cram a ten pound load of shit in a five pound bag. I feel a big weight came off me. I have no idea if “Light’s” objective analysis (is that even the correct term?) is correct I only know that it makes ten X more sense to me. Logic……
    Ralph, first let me say, please, that your hand holding has been incredibly helpful for me. And, I am going to try, try, try to read the above Chogyam Trungpa piece again and allow myself to take it in.

    Mr. K., I am very anxious to read your response to the “Light” article. Wondering what you came away with after reading it.
    Thank you, so much.
    Love to all,

  26. Janice R.

    Good Morning Mr. K.
    Ralph, is there anyway at all that we can talk? Do you have a Facebook account? Something happened.
    Love to all,

    1. Ralph

      Hi Janice, sorry but I do not have a facebook or twitter account but if you don’t mind sharing here what happened , it is always good to get other viewpoints from others as well. Remember that , in truth, we are all One.

  27. Janice R.

    Well, I requested your Facebook account because I don’t know exactly how to explain what happened to/with me. I guess you could say I am self conscious about how to write this. I know what happened was real, but I don’t know what it means.
    I finally, understood the poem you shared. So, I went to the mirror and sat in a chair. I looked at myself for a long time. It was weird because I did not really need to blink much. Anyway, I thought about the article from Light, and I did not completely understand all the words and explanations, but, I knew in my body and heart that it was the right, or I should say it was the right way for me to understand. It made so much sense inside me. Well, I continued staring in the mirror, I don’t exactly know how long.
    I was not afraid, just curious. I thought who is this person looking at me? I automatically was incredibly focused. Focused like I have never been. I, Me, Janice does not know how to focus like that. So, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. But, I started to see a glow of light above my head kinda circular around the top. Then I looked more and there was this glow on both sides of my face. I did not try to touch it. Just amazed. I blinked a few times and it went away. This is were my explanation is going to get kinda dicey. But, the glow welcomed me, to continue and keep coming toward it. I was like, this is God? is this Divine? and the glow went away. I went to Adyashanti’s teaching of resting in awareness and I immediately went to that sacred spot. Then the glow came back. But, now this time it wanted to know how much I wanted. I said, with no words, more, please. then my entire face and surrounding my head went to complete glow, yellow and a tiny bit of white. I said without being asked More, Please. then all I could see was this full out glow and just the blue of my eyes. It stayed that way shortly. But, the glow around my head continued. But, I forgot a big, big element of this. I was having twitching, like the kind you get when your eye lid automatically twitches, but not there, the twitching was happening mostly on the left side of my head. Forehead, scalp and some on the right side. I could actually see it twitching. Weird but not scary. then a huge energy all through my scalp and out of the top of head.
    Are you starting to understand why I wanted to say all of this privately? Not a subject I would talk about in the grocery store.
    Anyway, then throughout this entire time all his energy is rocking my world, I looked at myself completely and thought I am not really here. My hands looked like somebody else’s. Like they were too pretty to be mine. they were lovely. Then I felt like the time was over, I had drained every ounce of the experience out of what it was. I just kept feeling the energy and light saying how much more, do you want. And I did get scared for a second a time or two but not enough to make me want to stop. If you knew what an anxiety ridden individual I am you would not believe that I had the nerve to say, More, Please. See, and I cannot stress this enough, I knew that I had to do this without God. That’s were the freak out came. But, almost immediately I knew I could do it. I missed my God getting to do this with me, but, it was okay because I could tell him about it later.
    Well, like I said the experience was over and then I went about my evening thinking what the heck? it was totally cool and I love the opportunity but I don’t know what it means exactly. What I think it means is the Universe was saying I am on the right path.
    Did I hallucinate/hypnotise myself? I don’t think so, but who knows? Whatever this was, it was surreal.
    Have you ever heard of anything like this? Please anyone that would care to respond I would truly appreciate any feedback.
    Love to all,

    1. Sarah

      Janice – it amazes me how much your story reminds me of my own. I went through my blog to see if I wrote about meditating in front of the mirror. You see, I also was sure I was going insane. But I had an opposite impulse. I decided to publish everything. I was getting divorced, I have a family history of mental illness, and I was afraid I was going to go mad and no one would notice. So I wrote it all and published it online. Ends up, hardly anyone seemed to notice. And I am now, finally and truly, SANE! Insanity is the fear.

      The only part of your story I don’t understand is the bit about not having your God with you. That’s just a thought.

      I couldn’t find an article about my meditation techniques at the time, but they are exactly as you describe. Staring in the mirror and allowing whatever wants to come to come. I was exhilarated and terrified. I expected men in white coats to show up at my door. Instead, I found individuals and communities – like this – online that supported me.

      You see, love! Do you see how wonderful it is to find you here 🙂

      In hopes of offering you comfort on what you are going through, here are a few links from that time in my life just last year. I didn’t go crazy. I got a new and better job. And I went through my divorce peacefully. And we are partners in parenting. Just saying, everything is alright.

      This is a somewhat vague description of some of the energy symptoms I had. I had lots of twitching. It started staying with me in the day and people would notice. My eyes twitched. They don’t now. Lots and lots of energy being released. Trust as much as you can in the process:

      This is a channeling I got from my early meditations and also the first time I’ve called myself a channel. Kind of weird.:

      Love and Joy, Janice!

    2. Masi

      Me too!! It also reminds me of my mirror meditations 🙂 Very similar to feeling different sensations arise while observing Silent medition except the mirror meditations also have a more surreal quality to them.

      Janice, have you ever considered doing a Vipassana Silent Meditation Retreat? Personally, I highly recomend it.

      love & hugs

    3. Ralph

      Janice, I never experienced anything like that so I can not comment about it but by posting what you experienced here on this site may get a reply from someone who has.
      For me , what I did was a thorough investigation on who is this “I” that I take myself to be.

  28. Janice R.

    Hi All,
    Sarah, thank you so much for your support. It is the weirdest experience to try and explain. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that it wasn’t like I could not take God with me, but, more like I was being asked to make my own decision. See, everything I have ever done in my life I have always chattered, chattered things through with God, as I understood God. My personal image of God. So, it seemed that I was being asked, do I want this? It was weird because I generally automatically click to, God, do we want this?
    I hope I am sounding clear on this point, because, it is very important to me. It was a personal decision being requested. But, I was not alone in the least. But, I really felt front and center. God was not being asked anything at that moment, Janice was being asked.
    Love to all,

    1. Sarah

      Janice that makes perfect sense. You were asked if you were willing to leave your ideas of being separate from God behind – you left duality behind. Wise choice! 🙂

  29. Janice R.

    Masi,I have no idea what that type of retreat is. I have heard the name but, I have no idea what it is. Silent? Really? I guess anything is possible.
    Thank you so much Masi and Sarah you both really helped me not to freak out too much. Truthfully, the freak did not rise up in me until I started Googling, Light around the head and face. Word of caution, it is way weirder than you can imagine.
    I had to chuckle, Ralph, because I was certain that is what you were suggesting, focusing meditation with a mirror. Then you responded, no, not really.
    Mr. K., thank you for the Indian guy at the bar comment. I can only take so much seriousness before I think I am going to implode. I need some laughter, I need to lighten up to balance my energy. I have always been that way. When things are too heavy I start dragging my ass around and I cannot get anything done that way. My responsibilities and my fun stuff too, become way too difficult.
    Masi do you have a blog or website? I am curious about Sarah’s. I have checked it out a few times. Beyond Karma feels like an anchor/home to me.
    Love to all,

    1. Masi

      The first time you attend a vipassana meditaion you have to be there for 10 days, in silence for 10 days, observing breath. I don’t to meditate daily or follow any other practice. But the Vipassana meditation and finding K’s blog shortly afterwards greatly helped see me through drastic changes and losses in my personal life that took place almost immediately after my Vipassana retreat.

      No, I don’t have a website. I don’t need one. K’s blog is it for me 🙂

      1. Kaushik Post author

        Thanks for saying that, Masi. 🙂

        I’ve been to Vipassana twice, and I think there is link to their site on the external resources page. It’s a fine organization, and the retreat is very valuable experience. It can be a little grueling–at first it’s not easy to sit for an hour at a time.

        These days I think I would recommend to start with a direct inquiry. I do not exist, for example. To read, I would recommend Jed McKenna. And then, let your inquiry guide your way.

  30. Sarah

    I was looking through my old posts to see if I wrote about the experience Janice described. I came across a post with this link in it.

    Puppetji!! 🙂

    1. Masi

      I kiss u a million times for this, Sarah 🙂 Is this a tv show in India? they should have puppetji in all schools all around the world…. I want to be puppetji’s assistant! I LOVE puppetji!!

      “just more questions of the powerful mind” “just Be”

      1. Janice R.

        Masi, I thought Puppetji was YOU!! You darling, are no one’s assistant.
        By the way, your Birthday glow is still showing.
        Thanks, Sarah. I enjoyed the clip also.
        Love to all,

        1. Masi

          I thought Puppetji was YOU – hahahaha
          I wish I spoke as clear as he does! Did you see the way he ponders?!

          Janice – do u have a facebook acct? i’d love to connect with u and show u my pics.

          K, are you on FB?

          1. Janice R.

            Hi Masi, yes I have Facebook. My name there is JLeeJune. That photo in the left corner is myself and Hannah. I need to put some photos of Jaydon and Avery on there also. Avery is my Buddha baby. All these children I am talking about are my grandchicks.

            Click in and we can share photos or whatever.
            Talk soon,

  31. Janice R.

    Just an FYI, if you see a news report that states grandmother in Kentucky has been consumed by ball of yellow flames and self propels into outer space. Your brush with fame can be that you can tell people “I knew her when she was a tiny glowing amber.”

    No kidding you guys, the energy around here won’t stop. Up my back, around my head, I actually feel like my feet are not touching the ground with most steps. and, I am sleeping like the dead. I slept for over an hour this morning with the alarm going off. Yes, an hour.
    Love to all,
    P.S. I am getting tired of Googling my symptoms. Think I will give it a rest.

  32. Jeannene

    There is understanding! This is why when I write personal stuff, like a poem about experiences, I don’t like using ” I “. It doesn’t fit.

  33. Bill Cass

    It has been stated that the I doesn’t exist. Are you stating that the I, Me, is really a set of opinions garnered throughout our lives from various sources? Would eliminating (releasing) opinions or definitions actully start releasing the percieved identity or the percieved I, Me.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Every thought and emotion and belief and opinion is suffused with an idea of “I”. This “I” does not refer to anything. In fact, one of the realizations that comes after I recognized the false I is, how pervasive this false I really is. It’s completely fiction, but its effect and seeming existence is incredibly persistent and pervasive.

      Would releasing opinions and definitions release the false you? I’m not sure–I do not think so. Looking at the I and seeing it does not refer to anything is way I recognized that I does not refer to anything.

      And as I mentioned in the article, this recognition, has not led to complete liberation. There is further to go.

      1. Bill Cass

        After contemplating these ideas it isn’t clear why “I” doesn’t exist. Considering the population of the earth whom most exist with the concept of “I” brings a thought. Existance for you must be a lonely place. What benefit is your understanding if we have to live in a world filled with an ego driven society?

        1. Kaushik Post author

          The thinking mind cannot fully understand. The ego will believe that awakening and seeing-through-the-I will feel like nihilism and loneliness. This is a common fear.

          No explanation will be intellectually satisfying. This is about being and experience, not thinking and projecting.

          What benefit is to awaken in an ego-drive society?

          Truth, for one thing. And liberation.

          1. Bill Cass

            Using language requires the use of personal pronouns and you use them as well. If it is about being and experiance how is that achieved? My motivation is to discover what there is to discover regardless of the cost. You are expressing ideas and I am curious. Perhaps you stumbled onto these concepts and I just missed something.

            1. Kaushik Post author

              Yes, we use personal pronouns–it’s not practical to be grammar nazis.

              I think I’m missing something. I’m not completely understanding what you’ve said. So I apologize if this seems to be cross-talking.

              I don’t worry about other egos. This is not about how to function better or be more successful in a world full egos. it’s not even about being a better person, or more morally grounded, or understanding and explaining lofty concepts. In fact, in my experience, awakening hasn’t been terribly helpful in making me more “successful.” It actually goes against the grain of what most people would consider “successful”.

              How are being and experience achieved? Well, for me, the effective techniques in the exploration have been observing, honesty, releasing, and looking that the falsity of the “I.”

              So far. There is further to go.

          2. Jeffrey Lapointe

            I think Bill has an interesting point regarding:
            “What benefit is your understanding if we have to live in a world filled with an ego driven society?”

            Your answer Kaushik appears hollow to me – truth and liberation.

            Liberation is at our doorstep every step of our journey. For seekers we uncover to understand and to let go and free ourselves from the beliefs and opinions that hold us. But this is a constant journey. A constant reinvention of liberation. Truth is an ideal that in this instance holds itself to expectation and anticipation which is exactly what we don’t want.

            Living in duality and separation is the only ego-friendly environment we will ever be conscious of. If we truly transcend duality then we will not see the difference in anything, it will all be love and beauty.

            And here lies the crux. For some reason we ARE living in this amazing and diverse environment full of mystery, misery, life and death. It is a tangible way to begin to grasp in a miniscule way just how big we are. Just how far we can reach. Every emotion, every action, every event is a part of who we are and we have a chance to be a part of that flow – to experience it in this small way.

            Have a goal but live in the journey and enjoy the challenge. Life is a short term conscious game that will reveal its secret and mystery to anyone who observes and pays attention but also who willingly lives in this mystery. Over time, with wisdom we will find that the good and the bad are not that different, that a small obstacle or a large one can be met with the same approach, that a beggar or a supermodel can be brainless or a genius.

            Life is trying to show us everyday the mystery of One – it is only each of us that resists. Where in your life do you see and know that we are One? Expand it.. consciously choose to see it more and more. Lastly, be aware, that your awareness of Oneness or separation is also a gift of presence.

            Kaushik – bless you for your continued exploration. I feel that the idea that “I” do not exist is not nearly as useful as I do not see a difference between this person and that person, this environment and that environment. I look outward for the answer (which effectively negates the “I” in me) rather than trying to convince the “I” in me that “I” don’t exist.

            With Kindness,

            1. Kaushik Post author

              When I say truth and liberation, it’s not a lofty idea or slogan or philosophical banner. It is simpler than that.

              This is not philosophy. Philosophy is ideas about truth, not truth.

              When the false is released, what is left is truth. And liberation. I’m calling it truth and liberation, but to call it anything complicates it.

              I don’t look outward. As an idea, “oneness” is as useless as the idea of an external God. It’s an obstacle, because it is pre-conception, a belief.

              What makes sense to me are the teachings of people like Tolle, Adyashanti, Ramana, Mckenna, Buddha…and all these teachings are about inner observation and inner honesty.

              It’s not matter of convincing the “I” that “I” doesn’t exist. It’s not a matter of conviction at all. This is not a philosophical exploration. It’s not a belief. It’s not an intellectual argument.

              It’s a simple recognition that the you you think are does not refer to anything real.

              I hope you’re doing well, Jeff. Good to hear from you again.

              1. Jeffrey Lapointe

                There is no actual truth – only what is. I think truth is a lofty many people have achieved what you call truth on the planet?

                I think people want peace and their own sense of liberation that they can live with in the here and now. That measurement of peace and happiness is different for everyone.

                Before liberation (in small or large steps) we most certainly are following some type of philosophy, dogma or experimentation.

                Every master you mention exercised a certain philosophy and experimentation until something changed. Tolle chose to continually endure pain until it was too much, Ramana sat in a cave for 20 years, Buddha experimented to the edge of death several times. When the change occurs then the philosophy that governed our beliefs, direction and experimentation drops away. Eventually, there are no more beliefs or philosophies to bound us. We can act “actively” in this world. A belief is an old picture – a rigid rule in our lives. Most of us actually live completely in the past – the goal is to become more aware and active in our choices of the moment. To do that… we experiment.

                There is no false – only the reality of opposites of relative false and truth. One does not exist without the other. Within each pair contains the mystery and secret of what IS.

                Of course you worry about egos. Ego defines who we are in which we can experience ourselves and this Oneness. It gives us something to hold onto to, to have a relative point to look out from. Trees have egos, cliffs have egos – our bodies are a form of ego. Ego is the quantitative measurement between one thing and the other. It is only societal consensus that make certain traits as more egoic or less. Success is merely a matter of relative measurement. Put success and failure beside each other and you will find that they exist in a different measure for a different category.

                Whenever you exist in the relative – you exist with some form of ego. To learn is egoic. Why do you need to learn anything?

                Inner honesty is about paying attention to your reactions (your responsibility) and choosing to respond. Even the act of responding holds ego. Some masters are full of great love but harsh in their words (Sri Yuketswar).

                This simple recognition for me comes when I no longer react in all situations. When my thoughts and my body remain at peace during certain events and confrontations. The outside perceived world is my measurement tool and feedback of how my inside journey is going.

                In my experience it is one thing to see this type of reality, but it is another to eliminate and release the old karma in my body that is triggered in certain situations. The situations where you feel your buttons are being pushed.

                How do we do it? How do we come to a point when we don’t feel our inner buttons being pushed? In explorations, in expression, in honest communication, in meditation, in spontaneous illumination (usually after great pain), in great pain. All are valid – everything is valid. Life is ready to give us as much as we are prepared to pay attention to.

                This “simple recognition” is a play on words. It is only simple because we measure it relative to our challenges, belief bustings and step-by-step liberations.. meaning all the work, frustration, sweat, tears, anxiety and pain we experienced in order to arrive at this summit. It is neither simple nor complex. It is a view or awareness devoid of our previous belief systems.

                Do the illuminaries you mention.. do you think they have reached the ultimate goal? Or perhaps now, they could or will or are exploring what new belief systems hold them back from further liberation. Can it end as long as we can be in a relative environment where measurement is possible? What about the other dimensions? What about people overcoming their physical boundaries (not just Jesus..many gurus are documented). How many avenues of life are possible in this world of duality? Infinite I would guess.

                We are human, born into a world of relative measurement and differentiation. Any differentiation we discern is an awareness of measurement between the two. We are completely built around this relative system.. in body, in mind, in emotion (connected to mind and body). But indeed, there is something beyond this. A knowing, a wiseness, intuition…. The tricky part is integrating this in our dualistic born environment. It is the beauty of living in this 3 dimensional world.

                You say… drop the world and its falseness. I say… until we understand and are comfortable that there is another perspective, then our mind, body and emotions will fight us because its the only reality they know. We must somehow train our minds, body and emotions to let go of their beliefs until there is a time when we can let go where our minds, bodies and emotions are also willing to let go. Perhaps this is the point of “simple recognition” you are talking about?

                Why else do you think it takes years for illumination and not days? We must show our bodies that we are not our bodies. We must show our minds, that we are not our minds, and we must show our emotions that what they react to doesn’t really exist.

                This is our journey at present which we are aware of that can be embraced. It is likely that there is more journey when we achieve this. We seem to be kind of stuck with the form that allows us to be in the physical realm (other dimensions included) and our connection to some overall Source.

                1. Janice

                  Jeffrey, your posting is beautiful. I have read it twice.
                  I have a question, if I may, can you expand more on the comment below? Specifically, exploration and expression. I am curious what you mean.

                  How do we do it? How do we come to a point when we don’t feel our inner buttons being pushed? In explorations, in expression, in honest communication, in meditation, in spontaneous illumination (usually after great pain), in great pain. All are valid – everything is valid. Life is ready to give us as much as we are prepared to pay attention to.

                  1. Jeffrey Lapointe

                    Hi Janice.
                    This is what works for me but as they say, results may differ.

                    Perception is everything and it is linked to how you choose to be attentive.

                    Observe when your buttons are being pushed. This might mean that you come to the realization that you are angry, sad, depressed etc. If you don’t know what you are feeling but it hurts or causes distress then ask yourself “What Am I Feeling?” Focus on this for the next couple of days and be observant of what things come into your life. Because you are specifically asking yourself this question – your perception will tune you into events with similar causes. You may observe angry people having a fight, or a temper tantrum that came from nowhere. Keep track of these incidences and then review is after a few days. You will likely find 2 or 3 times where it seems like the same story was playing out in front of you. Now you have a new perception (expansion) of what you are feeling. Often, the observation of the situation in different roles is enough to dissolve it because you realize you are not alone. That something that happens to you also happens to other people and therefore you normal and isolated. You come back into oneness. If this isn’t enough then the next step is to then ask – “How do I eliminate this from my life?” Focus on this for the next few days observing situations, people, events in your life. Likely you will find some coincidences in your path. You may also be invited to do something you wouldn’t normally do…do it even if its a small fear to learn or expand your perception. You may come across a book or a it…thinking about your question.

                    What you focus on becomes how you perceive the world in front of you. Literally you cannot see the world differently. As you practice you will get better at observing, at paying attention to the outside world, at paying attention to your inside reactions. One day you will notice yourself about to react to a situation and then strangely ask yourself…should I react? In this instance, you will have overcome your ability to react physically or verbally but not the emotion that churns in your stomach. Continue exploring. Ask the question and observe in your life what is going on around you. Look for similarites..connect the dots. Observe until you feel you do not need to observe anymore. Sometimes you will need to leave things to let space in your mind grow.

                    You will know when you have expanded your perception and left old karma behind when situations arise and you don’t react. You will also see the gradual change for the better as well as the need to step into your fears. Life will invite you to cross boundaries and set them by example. You can move as fast or as slow as you need.

                    In this way, life is a mirror of possibility waiting to heal you, to expand you, to inspire you. Focus on what you want and observe. Generally, we are observing outwardly however by observing our inner reactions, dialogue and gradual change we become better at listening to our inner selves. Eventually, you will be able to ask yourself a question and have the answer pop into your head. Granted – the answer you receive is only as large as your perception and belief systems allow.

                    I hope that is clear enough to start. Experiment with yourself, with your environment and be amazed at how you are a part of life and it is a part of you.

                  2. Kaushik Post author


                    Once again I want to point out to you that there is no secret.

                    You’re at a point in your journey where you feel a little lost, in pain, and confused. This is completely natural and I’ve been there many times. In these times we look for a secret. We look for that one thing which will unlock it all. Some new thing that some says, or some new concept, or some new definition of “oneness.”

                    While awakening we are often confused and sad and fearful, and at these times, it’s highly appealing to hear about ego and relative truth and dualism and oneness and comparisons and theories and spiritual concepts and God.

                    It makes people feel better, because it gives them the idea that if only they understood some little quirk they are missing, they will be done. It is highly appealing to reach for that one little secret.

                    But theories and comparisons and spiritual concepts are ultimately useless, and even misleading.

                    Watch, allow, and be lovingly patient. Depend on your own direct experience.

                    Focus on techniques, not theories. Learn to release, to be aware, to be observant, to be honest within. Depend on your own direct experience.

                    It’s fine to communicate and share and read, but don’t look for the next big unlocking secret in what someone else says.

                    People are afraid to depend on their own direct experience, because they feel they will never know enough or they are not smart enough or they are not blessed enough. And this is why people flock to inane concepts like “oneness.”

                    But it’s not about knowing enough. You don’t have to be especially blessed, and you don’t have to be smart. It’s not about understanding concepts at all.

                    What it comes down to is internal observation and internal honesty. Allow, watch, observe, develop a stark honesty within.

                    1. Jeffrey Lapointe

                      People need to be inspired until they find their own self-inspiration. There may be the truth of stark inner honesty but the vast majority of people have stopped their own self-movement. They don’t observe, they don’t try other “perfect” formulas.. they only accept the false reality they live in becoming numb to this reality.

                      This is where I believe real work and inspiration is needed. The inspiring..inspire. Before we believe in ourselves we need to believe in someone else..find common ground between their world and ours so that somewhere in our mind we can say “if they can do it, so can I”

                      Internal honesty and observation is for people with a firm belief that internal honesty and observation are needed.

                      I think it is vitally important to paint a picture of where we are going (thank you Kaushik) but to be reminded that if we are lost, stuck and not progressing then a little dualistic inspiration is a very good thing.

                2. Kaushik Post author

                  There is nothing here that I don’t agree with.

                  You’re using different words. You want to make a point about your own journey and your own revelations, and that’s fine to do.

                  You’re using a particular definition of truth, particular definition of ego, and so on, but drop the attachment to particular definitions and particular viewpoints and it’s abundantly clear that what it comes down to is observation and inner honesty.

                  In reply to Janice, you say, very helpfully and truthfully, that it is all about attention and inner observation. In fact, your response is liberally sprinkled with the words observe and observation. That’s because that’s exactly what the journey comes down to. Inner observation, inner honesty and direct experience.

                  And when someone goes about inner observation and inner honesty, his or her conceptualization of the recognition and revelations and direct experience will differ from others’, even if the truth behind it is the same.

                  It’s all good, and it’s all allowed.

                  1. Jeffrey Lapointe

                    Do you have any suggestions for people to discover their own observer? To find that other side of the coin? I fell into mine through pain and direct experience.

                    I find it difficult to explain to people who can not at least be aware of this observer point of view. No matter your conceptualization, I would say that its crucial to discover this alternate perception.

                    1. Kaushik Post author

                      I think what you said to Janice is an excellent start.

                      Observe thoughts. Don’t judge, don’t interact, don’t start or stop–just observe.

                      Most people find it difficult to observe in the beginning. It might feel that it takes effort and constant reminding. When the mind wanders, bring it back with a smile. With some practice, we realize that that the observer point of view (awareness), is actually easier than the mind-identified point of view.

                      I explain this more fully in this ebook and I’ll write about this next week.

                    2. Bill Cass

                      As I read the many different ideas that are expressed here. Many times the ideas expressed are clear to the person sharing but a little cloudy to the readers. I can’t help but think that even though we are all individuals we are here in life for the same reason. Much of what is said is based on writings or someones personal understanding. The many religions and philosophies show this to be the case. My understanding is that we all have ideals which if we learn to live up to we can progress to further understanding. Realizing that we can never be on exactly the same page we can learn to accept our fellow traveler’s understanding and uplift with Love rather then dogmatic reproaches. We try to share the beauty we see but many times cause desention and division. The focus must first be personal then we can overflow the Love to others. We can share together lovingly if we conprehend a higher purpose for our communication. We are naturally selfcentered yet as we progress we become selfless and uplifting.

                3. Masi

                  Your words help give me a new meaning to the state of being and confusion that I find myself this past week. Thank you to all.

  34. Sarah

    I don’t hear acceptance in these comments. I hear things like “I have further to go” or “I can’t understand the concepts” or “it takes years.” All of these are judgments.

    It is now. It is beingness. Feelings come and go. When there is too much identification with thought, when beingness is treated as a test, a final destination, a struggle, you aren’t being, you are predicting and ranking yourself.

    K – what is it in you that says you have further to go? What state of your own being could tell you that? I don’t understand that view as anything other than a mental projection.

    Be without the thought “I am not there yet.” How could you ever be other than where you are? The truth is simple. And worrying over it is a game.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      There is further to go–and there is complete acceptance of that.

      Acceptance is not something we do. It’s something we stop doing. We stop resisting.

      We stop resisting but we don’t have to stop anything that’s happening. Further is what is happening for right now. It isn’t because of resistance to what is.

      Observation continues. It’s natural and effortless. Sometimes there are revelations but they are soon put away. Sometimes there are lessons in honesty. Sometimes I write about it. It’s all good and resonant.

      1. Sarah

        “There is further to go” I don’t understand this. It is a statement of duality and the rest is fuzzy emo-logic.

  35. Kaushik Post author

    Is it not clear what’s going on here?

    In our awakening journey we want to compare our conceptualization of our journey with other people’s. We create particular ideas about what acceptance is, and what dualism is, and what is truth and what is false. And when we think we have some sort of revelation, we are very anxious to compare it other people’s articulation. We’re very, very determined to show that we understand something better than someone else does. And we start using words whose meanings are not really even clear. We start talking about dualism and acceptance and philosophical ideas and truth and falsity and oneness.

    And a lot of this is highly appealing to people who are suffering and confused. Because people who are confused are always looking for that one secret answer that they think will solve all their problems.

    What if we gave up the attachment to particular words and terminology? What if we were not so anxious to make a point about our own revelations and terminology? Don’t we all have enough experience and honesty to know that whatever may seem like truth today, seems dogmatic tomorrow?

    What if we relaxed, and instead of deconstructing what someone else says, and instead of comparing, and instead of making insistent points about own own revelations. and instead of being attached to particular terminology, we just observed, with honesty and willingness?

    Just observe, internally, without judgment. Develop stark honesty with yourself. It’s that easy.

    1. Saraj

      Well that doesn’t leave room for dialogue which is fine. My point is statements like “I’ve lost myself” that people often say – it is an objective fact that a person cannot lose what they are. But in “spiritual” terms we can say “ah I know the feeling” and ignore the objective absurdity of it. Just as it is an objective fact that you can estimate the distance of a voyage unless it’s in miles or some other factual measurement. A self has no space to travel. This strain changed in that it has lost objectivity.

      1. Kaushik Post author

        I didn’t mean to cut off the dialog. I try to focus on technique and direct experience, not theory. Sharing and dialog are very important techniques. So I’m grateful for the dialog you started.

        To a person who is caught up in chasing a goal, it may make sense to say that there is no where to go. It’s all here and now, don’t look further. To a person who is caught up in conceptual ideas of truth and falseness, it may make sense to point out that these are relative and dualistic ideas, as Jeff did in his comments.

        Let’s take someone who has anxiety. That person indeed has further to go. That person can very well learn to release, and anxiety is gone. The person may or may not understand that nothing really happened, all that changed was there was a recognition of what was already happening. Emotions build and if we are able to watch them, we can see what they really are, we can see the mechanism of emotion, and we can see that we are identifying with a mechanical process, and decide or not decide to identify. It’s recognition, not movement.

        When you say there is no further, I do understand what you say. I say the same often. Just allow, watch, and be. Any desire or movement to change is a lurching which is an obstacle to being. I understand that. And yet, it’s okay that there is further to go, because there is more to release. When Jeff pointed out that truth and falseness are dualistic and relative, he’s right. And yet, it’s completely right to say what this is about is Truth and liberation.

        So words and concepts can be very fitting or very misleading.

        I’ve been to Vipassana retreats twice and they’re a fine organization which teaches people how to meditate. It’s a silent, ten-day retreat. You have opportunities to talk to the instructors, but they do not allow any questions about theory. Theory, religion, spirituality, oneness, even Buddhist philosophy from where this technique comes–any sort of intellectual or philosophical questions are not allowed. You can ask about the technique itself.

        The reason is clear. No intellectual explanation is satisfying to the mind. The mind will evaluate and analyze and if what it sees fits in with the mind’s stories and concepts and memories and ego, with a nice clicking sound, then we have agreement, and if it doesn’t, then we don’t. Either way, the truth behind the concepts is missed.

        And this is why what talk about here is techniques and my direct experience.

        While awakening we are often confused and sad and fearful, and at these times, it’s highly appealing to hear about egos and relative truths and dualism and oneness and spiritual concepts and God. As Jed Mckenna says, this is all “dream-talk.”

        It makes people feel better, because it gives them the idea that when they understand these particular concepts, they will be done. It is highly appealing, but ultimately useless, and even misleading. These concepts point to nothing at all.

        I pointed this out to Jeff. It’s fine to make a particular points about our own journey if that’s what we want to do. But to try to fit in our conceptualization with someone else’s is necessarily misleading. Though it does seem highly appealing to people who think this is about finding some secret answer. “If I only understood this one thing he’s talking about, I’ll feel be done and I’ll feel much better…”

        And so the Vipassana people encourage people to learn to meditate and depend only on their direct experience. Not on other people’s concepts and stories. Not even the Buddha’s stories.

        And this is essentially important. People are afraid to depend on their own direct experience, because they feel they will never know enough or they are not smart enough or they are not special enough. And this is why people flock to inane concepts like “oneness.”

        But it’s not about knowing enough. You don’t have to be especially blessed, and you don’t have to be smart. It’s not about understanding concepts at all.

        What it comes down to is internal observation and internal honesty. That’s not enough of a pointer, but it just makes a very succinct kind of sense to me. Allow, watch, observe, develop a stark honesty within.

  36. Zenoni

    Greetings in the name of Spirit!

    Dear children, do you not see that you are doing that which you profess to not be? Intellectualizing like a drug, makes one feel that something is being done, that the consciousness is releasing,that one is getting closer to self… STOP!

    Stop talking to each other in this way. You are prolonging what you want to release. Speculation, leads one to develop the minds illusion… do you not see the simplicity?

    You think you are doing good for all,when you are helping each other to hold to the illusions, you so profoundly decry. Do YOU REALLY WANT AN ANSWER? Well, no, you don’t.

    You will challenge, you will debate. You will take what is written here, and you will consider how this can be broken down, and how you are so grateful than you, even though you don’t have the enlightenment you seek, you can see truth,and command order to that which seems to hold authority, that you can judge, you can decide. If you can judge,if you can decide, then you must be doing something right..subtle?

    Oh ye clever ones, wrapped in intellect…step away and leave the true pilgrim to his fate…the journey is only what it is. You are only what you are, and you are only what you are right now.

    Before time, before man, you are only what you are, whatever that is, speculation will not help, except for the madness which drives all man; the desire to ‘BE’ That which is is, to be, is only that which is to be, whatever can be whatever that only… only.. only, Who the fuck cares?

    Yes dear ones you had a reaction, did you not? Inside of whatever it was,is that which is what wants release… in truth, the Enlightenment ye seek, terrifies the false self; To be, is to die – to die is to live, Does that not sound GOOD? Take an ‘O’ from ‘GOOD,’ and you have ‘GOD.’ WoW! The truth is, it all means nothing.

    If you are earnest, if you are ready, here is your way…

    Stop speculating, stop teaching each other.. once you begin you are already wrong. Stop taking students and showing them the way… Teacher – who do you teach and WhY? Do you teach for love of the student, or of gratifying the false self?

    I will tell you now. But I say do not believe me… do what I say, but do NOT believe me.

    Who then,who do you believe? Beloved do you not see how the teacher,no matter how sublime, still leads you from yourself? FEELing good has nothing to do with this…so, I will tell you,I will give you the answer, but do not believe…not me, I am less than a drop in the vastness of nothings everything. Do not believe even as,it speaks straight as the circle be flat turning on itself in untold dimensions…Do You Understand?

    Do You Understand the pointlessness of it??? Here is the answer do not believe, even as it is the majic you seek.

    To Believe is to not know…to know is to know.

    To know is to Listen – the still small voice within – learn to be at ease and listen deeply with all that you are, sit still, and listen,this is not mind, this is NOT THINKING – THINKING IS THE CONJUGATION OF THOUGHT… Thought is pure,thinking is the breakdown of it’s essence. Thought is understood in a Millisecond. In that briefest of flashes, you comprehend, you understand. How many words does it take to explain that which you INTUITIVELY grasp in less than a heartbeat? Ten thousand, more? And then, you must choose the correct words, that convey the most accurate meaning, and then the audience must be with what is written, and understand it the way it was meant, and what about translating to other tongues…and on, and on, and on.. such is not the way. But, do not believe me.

    You will see then, the great wisdom within, the Great Voice within, you will know G’D and that will cease to be important, or not..It is not, I am not, you are not, it is only what it is. It is within,it is yours, it is not, it is you, it IS, it ALWAYS HAS BEEN, NEVER NOT BEEN. Listen by listening. BE THE SPARROW WHO MUST LEAVE THE MOTHER’S NEST, AND GAIN THE STRENGTH TO FLY – TO FLY ON IT’S OWN… Then you can love freely, and you will have patience, and then what matters? Be cautioned, understand the strength of ‘Hiding ones Light.’ True awakening is usually met WITH fear…BLESS YOU ALL.


    1. Kaushik Post author

      Poeple are afraid to rely on their own direct experience because they are afraid that is not enough. And so the chase for concepts and thoughts and words and spirituality and comparisons takes off.

      Five years of work has come down to this little piece of wisdom: observe and be honest. There are no secrets and nobody will be able to do this for you. Be aware, listen inside, not to thoughts but to innate and effortless awareness, direct attention inside, develop a stark honesty within.

      1. Zenoni

        Greetings in the name of Spirit,

        To express your thought, “People are afraid to rely on their own direct experience because they are afraid that is not enough” has merit of truth. But as you continue it, such cannot be so. I caution, not because you are wrong, but because if you examine how you present the condition, you are drawing similar lines of dogmatic thinking of those with whom this new age is breaking away.

        What if a young soul,on the brink were to be caught up in that thought? Yet,it was not his issue? It could confuse, and misdirect. Is that his Karma? If you were his authority, you would be responsible, and so the wheel of cause and effect continue. Being misdirected, albeit innocently by a well wisher, is still being misdirected. And, yes, my friend, there are secrets, many secrets. I would ask, if you would stake your soul,on your knowledge and experience – I do not mean stake your soul on your own growth, stake your soul on your knowledge and ability to guide another through the levels, by virtue of your wisdom and experience. Now, multiply that as if you had a following. The Karma is exponential.

        We agree ‘Listening’ is missed among masses.’ But it is not because of this,or that. One factor, thousands of years of Religious dogmatic teaching and ritual has shaken humans ability to trust, and discern. Fear is a powerful tool, which is has been trained into children from birth. There is no one answer to the issue. If you want a single answer salient to all, hold to the principle’s, and keep opinion to a minimum.

        I caution, even the best of intentions can produce the darkest of results. When it comes to consciousness and Soul, the proverbial buck stops with the one who offers him / hereself as a guide. In this, it is wise to do one’s homework. Good intentions and some knowledge are not enough. In Zen,one might say a persons experience is wholly personal. Siddartha could not sit at the feet of Buddha. He rejected him as a literal teacher. The principles can carry on and through; if one is specific, one had better ‘KNOW,’ and not believe. There are ways of guiding without directing. In Siddartha’s case, with no particular moment of ‘Gee, today I think I am a master.’ he simply was that he was. Mastery, Sainthood, whatever one calls it, is observed in it’s effect to those around him. Those who ‘have eyes to see,’ point toward he who exhibits such Great Light Within.

        Good training.


        1. Bill Cass

          In my experiance I find that, spiritually speaking, continuing putting one foot in front of the other is the only way learn truth and it is a person journey. Otherwise you may as well just live and enjoy the illusions. If we just live for the reward at the end of the path, we may have missed the point. There seems to be experts in here offering guidance which is the same reason there are so many different religions and beliefs. We must find our own way by our own efforts and uplift others when possible. Drop the dogmatic approach to sharing personal understanding. Encourage people to keep going and never give up.

            1. Zenoni

              Greetings in the name of Spirit.
              Bill, thank you for your thoughts and insight. I very much agree, and sense your graciousness and warmth as a human being. Please allow me to elucidate on who I am.

              The name goes in two forms, Zenoian,and Zenoni, I was named on the internal. When I was a child of nine, a deep presence came to me. In that pristine flash, which lasted a few minutes, I realized many things. Most importantly, we were not alone, in a Spiritual sense. Over the next few years, the presence would come, and teach, or reveal things to me. It became, for lack of a better word, a friend upon whom I could rely, absolutely.

              As a late teen, 19 turning 20, it shifted and things were being revealed, in very direct terms. One night, very unexpectedly, I was all but ‘jettisoned from my body. Terrifying at first, I realized, when I looked back at my body laying in a sleep state, that if the body died, I still exist. During this ‘out of body’ experience, I was brought to some places, and met certain presences. So surreal,.. was it a dream, did it happen. A few days later, I saw picture of an Eastern Avatar who was my guide in my experience.

              Confirmation. Then things began to accelerate. Warnings for events, seeing past the surface in a way, I cannot describe. But the accuracy was amazing, almost 100%. If it was less, it was not for the inaccuracy, but for my lack of perception. However, when something was/is critical, the accuracy is absolute, no error whatsoever. LOL, that did not however help me in the stock market…

              As a human, the normal struggle was/is still there. But my role was being mapped out. While sitting with Roshi in Zen Meditation, (my early 20’s) afterward we would sit around drink tea, and socialize. One day everyone left early, and I was alone with my Priest/Roshi. While talking, he asked me something about a student of his, and I made a comment. As I was offering my thoughts, many things began to occur to me re the students life outside the Temple. I sort of rambled on. I looked at my Teacher, and he was just sort of staring at me curiously. He then said, “How do you know this?” This is going to sound strange, but I had a sudden shock when I realized I did not know this other student, or anything about him. While speaking, knowledge occured naturally, as if I did. That inner feeling I had, was the same ‘sense’ which came and went since my first direct Spiritual encounter.My Teacher was very supportive, and encouraged me to develop further.

              Right around the age of 23/24, during one particular meditation, a full on revelation came, where, for the lack of a better way of putting it, I had a glimpse of what might be called a clear perception of Universal Cosmology. I saw the connection, the ‘ONENESS’ of us all, and my role was clearly defined, including a ‘method’ and manner of my Spiritual work. The methodology, works 100%, and it has a definite purpose. Most importantly, it does NOT conflict with any religion, anywhere.

              The simplicity is profound. Many here have that, the essence of the teaching here expresses it. My role as a teacher is to NOT have students. I cannot have more than a certain amount of time with anyone. Very specifically, my role is to assist in the breaking down of ‘Structured forms,’ and help other to free themselves from same, and connect with their OWN VOICE. If I linger, and others become attached and dependent, then I defeat the purpose of the message. With regard to other teachers I encounter, the voice within is a reminder to not make ourselves too important, that we guide, but of SINGULAR IMPORTANCE, is to help bring others to be able to ‘LISTEN’ within. When someone looks at me as if I am so ‘special,’ that is when I create distance.

              It is easy as a teacher for our students to become dependent upon us. That should not be the essence. The more a student is dependent on us for answers, no matter how nice it feels, it is also leading them away from their core essence, and lessens the ability to ‘LISTEN” to their own voice.

              It is okay for a student to have a long term teacher, but the ‘position’ of the teacher must me in proper perspective. It is only a small shift in understanding. Ideally, the student should see the teacher as a ‘tool, helping them to go within and hear/connect to their own source. NOT as their conduit to the source. The latter is how cults and religions are built, which really spells, CONTROL. When the student sees the teacher as a source outside of his/her self, well, sorry to be redundant, but that is how ‘cults’ work, and how religious dogma endures. Make no mistake here, the ‘Voice,’ is a composite of many who came before. Very specifically, I channel, and hand messages to others. I take no money, and ask for nothing. BTW, In the original post here , Master KH was a participant.

              One event which occurred about four years ago, was the hierarchy of a large Buddhist organization, refused to give a novice his Gohonzon. He arranged a meeting with the three heads of the chapter, and made his case. The younger leader, was about 45yrs. The two elder, about sixty+. The younger leader want into an explanation of ‘requirements,’ and expectations, the elders, agreed silently. I began to make the case, and the leader debated wonderfully his premise. No headway was being made. When the ‘Voice’ began to speak, all three were humiliated at the disparity taking the teachings of Buhhah, and institutionalizing them, to the loss of the original message. The novice, seeing the disparity, just did not care anymore, and left.

              Three or four weeks later, completely separate from this event, he was at a martial arts class, and a Japanese girl, presented to him, as a gift, a beautiful Gohonzon, on cloth parchment. Wow… Spirit in action!

              Personally, I’m just a ordinary guy, with real life problems, and three kids. I am a writer/composer, frontman lead singer/lead guitar player for a kick ass musicial group. This inner thing, sometimes gets in the way of my ‘normal’ life. LOL, Yeah. Life in the ‘Matrix.’ You know, almost no one in my day to day life know anything about this side of me. It comes forth when it is necessary, or is supposed to.

              I had an extremely successful forum, for awhile. If I wanted to make money, that would have been when I could have moved in that way… yeah… start a new religion, I already had a following, make a lot of money… yeah, pervert the Blessing..

              For myself, It is totally inappropriate to charge others for what they already possess. It is a BLESSING, a gift to be used as a vessel, or conduit. Money doesn’t fit in my Spiritual role.

              By the way, this is the first time I’ve gone into any detail or have written about myself thusly. Everyone here is really beautiful. I’ve read through the site, and others can take a lesson from you all. It is not the first time this ‘presence’ has appeared on a site; it is the first time I’ve spoken about myself in this detail. I don’t know why, it just came out that way.
              Love and Light to all.

              Good training.


              1. Kaushik Post author

                Thanks, Zenioan.

                When I had started reading your first comment, the thought that had occurred, frankly, was, “here we go, another spiritual nut-case…” But then your words resonated–you were pointing to the simplicity.

                You are right, the people who come here are sincere seekers.

                You have an interesting history. I hope to hear more from you.


                1. Zenoni

                  Thank you Mr K.

                  No, LOL, I’m not a nut case.It is rather embarrassing at times, but my new friend, when the channel opens, and I have to speak, it happens as it does. Also, I am not young. I’ve been blessed with not aging much externally, but, have been around this incarnation a long time. Point being, years ago when supposed ‘master’ teachers were coming out of the woodwork, I met quite a number of them. Got close to some, lived in retreats, Spiritual communes, visited Monasteries, etc.

                  Most hear of ‘Masters,’ few meet them; better put, don’t know they are meeting one. ‘Hiding one’s light,’ is an interesting manner, that had been addressed to me, pointing to some Avatars of old. So, back to listening, I really paid attention. I apprenticed (if that is appropriate as a description),to three in this life. Once again, this is the first time I have spoken of my personal self on a forum.

                  It is difficult for many to relate to me as a normal person,& the ‘Channeler’ Zenoian. Of course it is one and the same, but the ‘voice’ changes so greatly, when the ‘work’ is on, rather then people having to ‘reconcile’ the normal human, with a voice which with far greater authority than me the dad, the musician, it made more sense to separate, on the outside. I did not want people to lose the message, by not getting past my ‘personality.’

                  I thank you for your warmth and hospitality.

                  Wishing you well in all things,


                  1. Jeffrey Lapointe

                    Thank you for your words Mr. Z.

                    I did wonder at first, if your message was so clear why did you ramble and ramble? Perhaps you can provide your perspective on this (and anyone else for that matter:):

                    Generally people want to help each other – it is the reflection of helping ourselves. In your experience as a “novice” among masters or however you put it – is the grace of the world already in place? Meaning, there is no helping anyone, only one’s journey to keep looking and searching until the type of searching and looking changes. I often think we come to these forums to support each other in their dualistic searchings but recently observation would suggest that we are sharing our journeys which are unique, different and all at different points. In reality, there is no helping, no furthering. Simply, recognition that we are not alone, that in our “not yet 100% belief in ourselves” we need to keep going..however that is.

                    If true, this would also suggest that we cannot help anyone in this world, we can only acknowledge their journeys whether it be our wives, children, friends etc. We would have to stop thinking that we should help, that we can help and that any of it makes any difference to the person.

                    This is counter intuitive to popular culture and media.


                    1. Masi

                      I often wonder the same. Perhaps, we share to let others know that they are not alone on this journey as well as to reassure ourselves that we are not alone.

                    2. Zenoni

                      Thank you Jeff, Masi, Saraj,
                      (warning, more rambling)
                      Goo d questions Jeff.. of course there is helping. We are helping each other right now. But then, look at who we are. We each have put ourselves into the seat of being open, listening, considering, pondering, listening, pondering deciding what is for us – individually.
                      The someone who is hell bent, doesn’t pay attention, you’ve done your best to offer guidance, you know they make their own choices. Your responsibility only goes so far.
                      Adressing my rambling… if you follow it (my original submission) carefully, sequentially, you begin to see something like a ‘snake eating itself by it’s own tail.’ The snake thinks he is feeding, but it is only himself he is devouring. The sooner he realizes it, the sooner he can gain real nourishment. It closely resembles what we as humans go through on the way to Spiritual freedom, i.e. our Inner connection to G-d, the Universe, Ring Cosmos, whatever you choose to call it.
                      The futility of processing intellectually, the ability to take ourselves into whatever we want, is what we do.. Think about this…
                      “No matter what you do, from writing an essay, to throwing a baseball, to throwing a punch, shooting a basketball, or evaluating a prospective worker, you may hire for a job, or working through a heated debate, there comes a point where the ‘intellect’ is not enough, and you (if you are fortunate), go within and re-orient. Then when you shoot the basket, it is not technical, there is no way to quantify that, so you put attention to your task, and you have a ‘feel’ in your mind & body. You look at the basket, as your body, and mind come together, and the muscles fire in sequentially, and in UNISON, as one thing, to perfectly complete one thing – your hands, arms, torso legs, BREATHING, working together, body contracting AND expanding at a perfect rate, all together, at different speeds, within the ONE event…the ball leaves your hands, sails through the air, your attention is still on it… never disconnecting, watching it as if you are ‘guiding ‘ in through the basket, then it goes in. The process of the shoot, until the end moment ceased to be an ‘Intellectual’ process. Rather, is became a ‘sense,’ a FEEL – after the ball leaves your hand, you are still connected to it.. A feel, which includes all of you for that instant. And in that instant, with your focus totally on that ONE THING, you STILL have awareness of all around yourself. Pinpoint accuracy, and WIDE diffused awareness. Some might call this in Zen, ‘Mindfulness.’
                      The internal manner of ‘listening,’ is with all of you… mind, body, senses, feelings, skin, heart…” you are a cosmic antenna, so to speak. chinese-symbol-for-listen.gif
                      When I was a fighter/MA practitioner. I gained international notice. I trained others, exactly the opposite of traditional approached… or should I say KNOWN approaches. my students were indomitable. Why? I threw out what everone did before, and focused on INTERNAL awareness – SENSITIVITY TRAINING. Subtle to the point that my students had to identify the currents moving through the opponents body, and then prove it. This was not easy. But when they got it, each time they touched upon it, they were astounded. Funny, because it is fundamental. We become DE-SENSITIZED as we join the normal way society has of looking at things If you’ve ever met, or knew a real Master of MA, many look rather frail. They are not of the look we see in the UFC. Simply put, their power source is from a different orgin.
                      BTW, women get this easier than men, usually.
                      The rambling you speak of, is a true condition, and what better way to help others to see it, than to put it out, where it seemed a little bit ‘cuckoo,’ but ahh, the truth still rang. It is not my truth, I own it not, and did not discover it… it is only part of what is.
                      As the Candle Grows Brighter
                      Imagine sitting in a giant warehouse, 10,000,000 square feet. You are in the center, sitting on one small chair, and in front of you a small table. On the table sits a single tea light candle. In the middle of this blackness, this is your only source of illumination. You do not know any different, this is your existence, your reality. As far as you can see, which isn’t much, you know your existence. So, you make your determination of what is. Then, maybe, you hear something… doesn’t matter for this discussion, anything, an echo? An animal scampering? Then you think, is there more. Your concept of reality has changed.
                      You step into the darkness, but it is too dark, even if you carry the candle, it’s illumination is not enough. This place is HUGE. So again determine by WHAT you know, what it is.
                      You can take this in at least two ways. The less courageous will accept what they know. The ‘seeker,’ not satisfied steps into the darkness and trips over ‘something,’ It is a candle, much bigger than his only one. Coming back to the table, he lights it from his original. Suddenly the illumination is four or five times greater than it was. His reality, just shifted, and his consciousness expanded to a new understanding. Until he knew, he did not. He may have ALWAYS believed – but ‘KNOW IT,’ he did not. Not until he did.
                      Similarly, all of us, are where only where we are. Students, teachers, we are all both. We all learn, we all teach, we all influence someone, or others to a greater or lesser degree. The message which comes through myself, that which I channel, conflicts NOT any religion. When a genuine ‘truth’ is recognized, it will surmount even the greatest wall of ignorance. Excepting heavily programmed dogmatic teaching propagating fear, within the fires of hell… When truth is looked at, and denied, that sets off a new line of Karma. I had to learn the hard way. John Lennon said it well, lol, “Instant Karma Gonna Get You, better get yourself together, join the human race.” Gosh, so true.
                      Way back in the 70’s, there was an amazing comedy group, ‘The Firesign Theater,’ which recorded some truly groundbreaking ideas and bits… I will end this with the title of one of their albums.

                      “We are all Bozos on this bus.”

                      Good Training,


                    3. Kaushik Post author

                      The example of the martial arts training is a good one. Athletes call it being in the zone, and others may call it flow, zen, mindfulness, presence, awareness, being, heart, and so on. Everyone has experienced it, though most people experience it fleetingly after they are three years old. This is when attention is on awareness, effortless awareness of awareness, and there is clarity and flow. Life unfolds in resonance. Desires and preferences remain, but there is no attachment to a particular outcome, because whatever is happening is the perfect thing to happen.

                      This feeling-state–some call it beatitude or bliss–is the happiness of just being, the peace which “passeth all understanding.” It’s the state where all mental and intellectual activity has subsided. There is essential being, the clarity of pristine attention of unobstructed awareness, the essential “I amness,” and is beyond mental comprehension or description.

                      This exists within us. It is us. it is in fact our true nature.

                      The return to essential being happens to some people accidentally–people like Zenoian, Tolle, Ramana, and so on. That’s very rare.

                      If it doesn’t happen naturally and accidentally, can we work towards it?

                      I believe so and that’s why this website exists.


                      Well, what’s worked for me is observation and honesty. Not analysis or intellect or belief or dogma. It’s not the power of words or practice or attachment to particular concepts or words or terminology. It’s not dogma or faith. It’s simply the innate effortless awaring presence that already is. Attention rests increasingly on awareness itself.

                      And while we’re “working” on this, there can be a lot of confusion. There is a tendency to conceptualize and to compare and get attached to particular words and terminology and practices. There are times of confusion and desolation and doubt and frustration and anger. There can be desperation. There is the seeking for that one secret which will open it all up to us. “Spiritual” concepts can be highly appealing at these times. Resistance comes up. Offense comes up, when my concept doesn’t click with yours. Many questions come up, question about effort and no-effort, and being and doing, and practice and faith, and on and on.

                      The mind is never satisfied because it cannot possibly understand. There is nothing to understand. There is only experience.

                      In my experience, continued observation cuts through all these obstacles.

                      A few weeks ago I wrote I wasn’t sure where to go from here. As it has happened many times in the last five years, with patience and allowing, the next thing starts to come into focus. And it is.

  37. Saraj

    It is so interesting to meet you zenoian. You shed light on the dangers of the path very clearly. It is strange that we don’t have open spaces in our society to discuss what I will for lack of a proper word call “altered consciousness”. The topic of life after death, for example, is treated socially as a matter of religious debate. Yet in fact there is no debate about it. Personal opinions do not make the truth of being. Words deceive even under good intentions.

    Thanks you, K, for in spite of your own spiritual knowledge and because of it, you have left this space open. You cannot see the darkness once a light is shed on it. There are no shadows left as evidence. You cannot measure or compare. As my teacher told me “healing doesn’t come from giving and receiving it comes from being.”. I still hold you have no further to go for the journey is endlessly you.

    Love and light,

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Yes, the journey is endlessly you.

      Many of the awakened masters say you are already that which you seek. They say this in many ways, that there is nowhere to go, that this effortless effort. People who comment here have often come back with quotations from Osho and Tolle and Nisgardatta and Ramana which say basically, you’re already there. Relax.

      And these same masters, will sometimes also say that it takes practice and diligence and readiness and willingness, and that it is a journey.

      So which is it? Is there further to go or isn’t there? Is there effort involved or isn’t there?

      What’s being pointed out is that in our dualistic mind, the way we go about doing things is to project, accumulate and achieve.

      This is not about projecting imagination. It’s not about accumulating knowledge or understanding concepts in the way the mind habituated. It’s not about achievement.

      It’s about looking.

        1. Kaushik Post author

          Yes it is.

          We’re agreeing while disagreeing.

          Being includes being deluded.

          Not that there is anything wrong with that.

          I’m not completely liberated. Or I’m in deluded that I’m not completely free. So there is looking.

          1. Sarah

            Being does not include “being deluded” at all. Being includes breathing and observing objective reality. I have brown hair. I have brown eyes. I am a certain age. I am a weight. The table is white. My laptop is black. That is observation of my current objective reality. When I start to feel good/bad about those elements (my hair, my weight, the color black or white), then I am no longer being. I am judging and, as a result, planning how to make them “better.”

            1. Kaushik Post author

              You say being is observing objective reality. That’s what I mean by looking.

              Just looking, just observing. Innate awareness. Not judging, not assigning status or good/bad to what is seen. There is no lurching towards “better.”

              It all always comes down to observation and honesty. You call that being without the movement to be “better.” That’s fine.

              We both get a cookie. 🙂

              1. Sarah

                I don’t need a cookie, K. I think I will stop responding to this post. You can always trust your being. Being does not include being deluded.

                1. Kaushik Post author

                  Well, this is confusing. You say being is observing. I’ve called that looking. So I’m not sure where the difference is, but we’ll leave it.

                  1. Sarah

                    Friend, you have misquoted me. I did not say being is observing. Observing is something I do. Looking is something I do. I am looking at a computer. I am feeling that my hands are cold. I am hearing the TV. These are observations. Objective observations. Objectivity is useful in grounding this sorts of explorations.

                    I am being things that I do not observe. I can change my focus to them and then observe. I can observe my breath and my heart rate. I can observe my digestive tract, my inner sensations. I am sure with enough focused observation, with dedication, I could learn to control my heart rate. But why? It is taken care so well on its own. Being is independent of observation.

                    1. Kaushik Post author

                      We’re missing each other in words.

                      Yes, there is Being. Some call it Stillness, Awareness, Presence; Ramana calls it Heart, and so on.

                      And there is observing. Yes, it’s a doing. Watching, witnessing, looking, observing, without judgement or lurching. With observing I saw through the fiction of self. The “I” that I thought I was, does not refer to anything. I looked, at the same way you say you look at your digestive track, inner sensations, brown hair etc. I looked and there was recognition that the I does not refer to anything.

                      And yet, curiously. delusions hold up. The mind’s stories continue. The stories are pervasive and persistent, in every inner thing, in every thought and belief and emotion and idea and concept.

                      And so observing continues. I observe this curiosity. I’m not trying to control it just as you say you have no wisht to control your heart rate. It’s very curious that delusions should continue even when the central fiction is seen through.

                      Objective observation continues. I have called this “further.”

                      Again, I don’t see how my observing is different from yours. But maybe it is.

                    2. Masi

                      For some, the process of un-learning living life by “doing” involves observation to realize awareness of Self and remember/return to “being”.

  38. Bill Cass

    We are all on the same journey yet perceptions vary. We can ignore the differences because the important issue is the journey. If I can’t understand what you think I can still be happy for your attempt at awakening. I like to visualize it as studying the path rather then the land we pass through. Getting irritated with each other is part of the maturing process. If you think we are already there and I think I am still heading there why does it matter. Let’s just be happy together and accept the differences because the goal is the same whatever you want to call it. Do we need to be like Baptists going up against the Pentecostals or the Buddhists against the Hindus. It is counter productive to have bitterness against others who may see things differently.

    1. Jeffrey Lapointe

      Being, observing and judgement. Can someone offer their perspective on how it might be that Zenioan has found his Being but is a regular guy who has three kids, a job etc.

      How do we seperate who we are in Being from who we are in society through collective judgement?

      I think and act in this world as a function of collective judgement. Yet, I am a seeker of my Being – why? Wouldn’t my Being accept who I am and my actions (whether judged good or bad by society).

      I may not be my actions, but I am constantly calculating(judging) what they are in everything I do.

      (feeling there is just something missing here … any thoughts?)


  39. Bill Cass

    Zenoian This message is to you….”Follow the yellow line” , “care to squeeze the weeze?”
    I remember those Firesign Guys the first philosophical humor I ever heard. Thanks for reminding me. (You must be older then most of the others in here)

    1. Zenoian

      Hi Before I read the above, I got a reading, on someone,here… I hesitated to say anything because I am not well known in these ‘hear’ parts…Ow, scuse the pun….

      What I heard was someone is taking something far to personally.

      So, I’ll leave with one of my favorite sayings. Drumroll please… … … … .. …

      “What is, is.”

      Love and Light to all.


      PS: I have some more rambling on it’s way, breaking down and shattering illusions of, of… I don’t know. but I’ll probably end up embarrassing myself.

      1. Kaushik Post author

        You shouldn’t be so cryptic. To refer to “someone” cryptically is rather gossipy. If you don’t want confront or embarrass, that’s understandable, but then write to the person directly, or don’t say anything at all, but to bring it up cryptically just creates a gossipy clique.

        I used to visit and comment on other awakening forums and websites at one time. It’s in the nature of awakening and online discussions that there are times when people will take something very personally. It doesn’t necessarily reflect where they are. We’ve all had the experience how emails and online writing can be very misleading. Sometimes people are anxious to make a particular point about their journey, sometimes they are temporarily attached to particular terminology or ideas, sometimes they misdirect emotions.

        There’s a buddhist saying which has been very helpful to me when I’ve been in stuck positions. Whatever offends or angers me about someone else, is really something I’m afraid of inside me. “If you can spot it, you got it.” kind of thing. I’ve found this to be true 100% of the time. I can be open and leave it alone and it can become a valuable learning lesson.

        1. Sarah

          I’m confused. No one accused anyone of doing anything except that which you have identified as a normal part of the process. As for a gossipy, cryptic clique, as you said, “if you can spot it, you’ve got it.”

      2. Kaushik Post author

        I’ll try to be clearer.

        This is a completely open space–everything is allowed except spam.

        There are many, many times in my life when I’ve taken something too personally. People sometimes take things personally. It seems to happen more often online.

        If someone’s taking something personally, it’s fine to point it out, though in the middle of it, it might not be received well. When I said I’ve found that whenever I’m angered or offended at someone, it often turns out to be something that I’m afraid of inside me–I meant that’s what I do. It’s a powerful technique and I’ve written about it here. It wasn’t a disguised hint to anyone.

        When I take something too personally it’s because of a pattern in me which wants to make point which I feel is not getting across. I also have patterns of needing approval or control. These are patterns I sometimes recognize and I’m sure there are ones I haven’t recognized yet. The point is that the technique of looking inside when I’m taking something personally has been a powerful learning technique for me.

        People take things too personally sometimes. I take things too personally sometimes. To say someone is taking something personally is fine. To point it out to that person is fine. To say “I got a reading, on someone,here…What I heard was someone is taking something far to personally.” clearly refers to a particular someone. It’s not helpful to be cryptic.

        In fact, you pointed this out in one of your earlier comments to me, that we must be very careful what we say, even when it has merit.

        Zenoian, your contributions are very well-received and I’ve personally resonated with much of what you’ve said. I want to hear more.

        You’re clearly present, so I’m sure you won’t take this personally. 🙂

  40. Zenoian


    Well, gosh, hit me in my vanity, expose my secret yearnings, alter ego and flay me for the Roast? Rockstar.. I’ll expire, as Cyrano did, as he lay in Roxanne’s arms, satisfied than in his final moments, she knew it was he all along… and so he died…

    .. anyone got a kleenex?

    Oops, okay returning to dialogue in progress.

    Mr K, I sincerely apologize for appearing cryptic. There was no intention whatsoever in that.

    You wrote:

    “If you don’t want confront or embarrass, that’s understandable, but then write to the person directly, or don’t say anything at all, but to bring it up cryptically just creates a gossipy clique.”

    Lets take a look at that. There is an old saying in MA, “Slay, but do not humiliate.” I follow that almost absolutely. But actually, that does not apply here.

    I spoke literally. I was about to read, then I had a flash, a sense, a feeling, which pressed me to write what I did. I felt underlying tension, but did not put a face or name to it. I did NOT allow myself to look further. What was written was completely non accusatory.

    What it stimulated was something no one, not even an Avatar would know…

    (Well an Avatar might guess correctly 999 out of 1000, times, uh, ya think that’s enough, since I did say Avatar, should we increase the number by another three zeros? or many twenty, or, or a thousand zeros? No matter)

    In truth, I was as surprised to see the reaction as it occurred, as probably anyone. I had no idea it was coming. But it does illustrate, and illustrate well a very important dynamic for which I was considering doing an essay. I cannot go into detail now, I have a show tonight to prepare for.

    But consider this short version.

    That which occurs, or will at some point, within ‘sitting’ or forms of meditation or more accurately ‘Contemplation.’

    To face one’s self.

    This of singular importance beyond all else. When one is honest, and can look into one’s self and see whatever they need to see, there is a self judgment which occurs, which is wholly personal. The self acknowledgement of a habit, pattern, thing you do, that you recognize as not something which is/or should be a part of you, begins to set the dynamics for it’s elimination.
    (not to confuse with a pathological urge to self deprecate, or judge ones’self to harshly, which is contradictory to the whole idea of ‘just looking, seeing clearly.’

    Facing the self, is powerful, and not easy.

    In this case, the participants of whatever occured looked to them self for an answer, and never had to openly express such.

    That was a choice no one else had anything to do with.

    Honesty, is after all, an admirable thing, is it not? Yet, we are not required to go so far as to publicly flay ourselves to the bone either. It is okay to keep our decisions private – more importantly does it reflect in our behavior? If it is important, and appropriate to do so, then sure. That might very well be enough.

    Who decides? Why, you do, of course.

    Has anyone wondered why I sometimes end my posts with,

    “Good Training?”

    Good Training,


    1. Kaushik Post author

      Geneen Roth’s “Women Food and God” is a beautiful book about unconscious eating, and I was struck by a story she tells of running away from facing herself. She was at a meditation retreat in the desert and couldn’t stand it and was frantically trying to rent a helicopter to get her out.

      A few years ago I was at a Vipassana meditation retreat, a ten-day, silent, simple-food, meditate-five-hours-a-day kind of thing. On the very first morning, in the very first meditation session, after less than three minutes, I wanted to bolt. I didn’t only because I didn’t have a car there.

      I often work one-on-one with people who want to learn to release. What often comes up is resistance, and this often manifests as anger towards me. It’s the manifestation of the ego’s resistance to be seen.

      Facing oneself is hard. To observe internally with honesty is hard. Honesty is hard. But the good news is observation is all it takes. Not judgment, not analysis. All we have to do is shine the light of consciousness inside. The rest is automatic.

      Thanks for your thoughts.

      1. Zenoian

        Mr. K, You are a very good man.

        I would, if time permits for both of us, like to talk with you.

        My Skype is Zenonii1

        What part of the country, or world are you in?
        I live in SoCal at present.

        So, running out the door, gotta do my show.

        Best to all,


  41. Jeffrey Lapointe

    It took me a long time of observing even to begin to realize what honesty and in particular my own self honesty was. I was so attached to the form of life through my senses that distancing myself was done in small steps because the vulnerability felt too great to do in one great leap (and still is:).

    I think we all build different kinds of bridges that help us leap toward this naked vulnerability. Mine has been to deconstruct the form in my mind which is done through observance, self honesty and often fearful action ( I wish I could say fearless…). The combined movement brings me to a new level of observance and a new conversation with my own self honesty (in that perspective).

    I appreciate how everyone in this forum continues to communicate despite our usual human reactions. Continued communication in itself let’s us continue the journey which we all are seeking.

    Love and light,
    Keep talking.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Thanks, yes this is my experience as well, and you said it very clearly and simply.

      It’s been about working up the courage to face myself, and developing self-honesty, and observance. These are simple words–observing, honesty, fear–which I’ve only been able to understand fully through experience, through actually doing it.

      Thanks for the clarity.

  42. Vick

    There is no existence and the notion of existence itself would be pointless to define.  My mind is all there is and it seems to be making it’s own rules of perception, leaving me drowned in wonder.

    As far as my understanding goes; everyone will be enlightened differently and a specific method cannot be determined. However from my experience I think one’s thoughts, beliefs and actions must work harmoniously in a life of peace and love while still acknowledging the infinite possibilities of enlightenment with an open-mind for change and further exploration of understanding.

    The mind is truly a mysterious concept and at times I feel like I’m truly enlightened and satisfied, but the endless possibilities of concepts just leave me wanting to explore more.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      We like to make a distinction between “mind” and “awareness” but if we look we can see that there are no boundaries. There is no place where the mind ends and awareness begins, and there is no place where awareness ends.

      The reality of who you are, you are already are, always were, always will be, always am. A direct way to see this is to look at yourself. I am here. Look at that.

      1. Jeff Lapointe

        I think there are boundaries. Our awareness is a boundary because we have a perception of something which can only be perceived if we have an idea/awareness of something else.

        Our perception is part of our separation that we are living. I AM still has a reference to something else. Sensing I AM means that we acknowledge we are separated ..and yet One.

        1. Kaushik Post author

          The only problem we have is a problem of mis-identification. We are not what we think we are.

          If that makes sense, then a direct way to see this is to look at yourself.

          And in the looking, whatever ideas come up about boundaries or separation or oneness are fine. They do not retard or encourage the looking.

  43. Girish

    This concept has been always very perplexing. Your article has helped me clear up somethings about when people say “you do not exist.” You don’t exist yet there is something that exists in each body, each living creature and that must be life only. Life without labels or names. If it is just life then where does the ego pop in from?
    I believe that ego is a natural creation with consciousness due to the circumstances which are felt by our sensations. Ancients people in India have realized this. They have said that when ‘jad’ (material) and chetan (awareness) came in contact life came into being and due to the pressures of circumstances (sanjog) ego came into being. Whether this is true or not is debatable, but the ego must come into existence when our sensations first produced discomfort or joy as an infant and later as our brain developed it started to interpret this feelings as pain, pleasure or happiness etc. These interpretations would probably result in desires. Pleasures we want but pain or discomfort we do not desire. This is the beginning of an identity. The sense of I and the sense of mine, and wanting and belonging.

    So, if my line of thinking is correct, then it is inevitable that we as infants at some point develop identity, sense of self and the ego. Why it is so? I don’t know. But it is also the beginning of a lot of misery and happiness too. And these are dualistic sensations and therefore binds us in this sansar. Till the age of 40 I spent my life in this manner and since then I have been trying to free myself. Nothing has worked for me. I have tried many, many different techniques. These techniques are all tools and have helped me temporarily only.

    In the last few years I found freedom from pain, pleasure etc. when I separated myself from my identity or ego. But this is a very hard process. I have glimpses of freedom for a few seconds at a time. I cannot imagine what Ramana Rishi or Nisargadutt must have felt. As I understand they were detached from their ego selves 24 hours a day.
    There is no short cut, there are no steps, there is nothing to do but just to be.Be who I really am. And I find this very simple truth very very hard to follow.

    Thanks for this blog, thanks for your writings. I have gained a lot by reading your articles. Hope you get there soon.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Well, Girish, I tried this technique, “you do not exist” and took it’s full conclusion, and then it doesn’t really do anything. I recognized that the “I” in my thoughts does not refer to anything. But then, nothing. So I don’t really recommend this technique.

      I’m in a place now where I don’t feel the need to understand. All these concepts–about ego, sansar, samskar, chetan, atma–are concepts. The understanding of concepts and the practice of spirituality–well, as you say, these can help only temporarily.

      All I want to do is to let go of fear. If enlightenment is the absence of fear, that’s great, if it’s not, it’s fine because still all I want to do is let go of fear. Releasing has helped enormously. Looking at the self–well, I’ll see where it goes, so far it’s encouraging.

      Thank you, Girish, for your comments. They are helpful to everyone.

      1. Girish

        hi Kaushik:
        Thanks for your response. I agree with you that we do not need to understand the complex terminologies. Knowing that the ‘I’ does not exist does nothing to bring peace, bliss or letting go of fear.

        I don’t know whether we can completely let go of fear. But when ever I manage to separate my self from my ego self even for a few seconds I lose all the anxieties, worries frustration, anger etc. Based on my very limited experience I believe there must be some truth in Nisargdutta’s and Ramana Rishi’s teachings.

        Right now I am able to watch myself for a few seconds at a time and I am hoping that the time span continues to increase from seconds to minutes and then to hours.
        I enjoy coming here reading your articles and other peoples’ experiences. It is a treasure.
        Thank you

        1. Kaushik Post author

          Well, perhaps my experience can help you here. I thought that as well, I thought that I had achieved a level of peace and awareness, and all I have to do now is to make this abiding.

          It’s a natural to believe that. After all, I am in pretty good place, where life just peacefully unfolds, and I am able to release whatever anxieties and negativity and worries which come up.

          But I also recognize this isn’t freedom. Because the basic feeling of “unrightness” still persists.

          And this is the only problem there is.

          The only problem is this basic fear of life, this unrightness. Everything we do or understand or learn, is suffused with this basic unrightness, and all the practices of silencing the mind and squashing the ego and seeing through the false self, and meditation and understanding are completely uncertain.

          The only question then is: can we get rid of this basic feeling of unrightness? How?

          I don’t know the answer to that yet. But I’m trying looking at myself, in the way that Nisargadutt and Ramana and John Sherman suggest.

          1. Jeffrey Lapointe

            Hi Everyone,

            I always feel privileged when a conversation continues that touches or imparts knowledge to me at the place of where I am right now. To everyone contributing – thank you.

            I think this explanation is part of the answer to our sense of struggle or unrightness. We are larger than our actions, we must learn to Be and act wherever we are whether in happiness, fear or sadness. Our behaviour is part of the game we play so indulge it and face it. In a strange way, look forward to it, because it is these moments that define our growth, shed our egos and bring us temporary bliss.

            I am often aware of how uncomfortable I am in disciplining my child or saying no to my wife and yet I let myself do it because that is where I am – I am uncomfortable. In reflection or a quiet moment later, often events or synchronicities will appear to help me through the situation in which I acted in the best intelligence/ignorance I had at the moment. This post is one of them that shows up regularly in my life at significant turning points. This post is part of my Being that contributes.

            Being aware of who I am(happy, sad, angry) helps me to navigate in a happier and more fulfilling life. I appreciate the lives of Nisargadutt, Ramana, Krisnamurti etc but their reality is NOT my reality. Their words contribute to my life immensely but still the foundation of my life is the relationships I have everyday. Trying to supersede these doesn’t make sense to me because I do operate and contribute in this outer world everyday (as opposed to sit in a cave and meditate on my inner being for 20 years).

            It’s very easy to see that the outcome of a relationship has not been adequate for both sides. I try to focus on that, to approach an outcome where both of us feel satisfied. The more people I can do that with, the more authentic I feel and the more in tune with my Being I am.

            One caveat – I must remember that the feeling of satisfaction from the outcome of a relationship moment is an ‘authentic’ moment but not an ‘absolute authentic’ moment (nirvana, bliss ). It is an outcome of where both of us need to be as we open ourselves in awareness and consciousness more and more.

            If I can really accept, surrender or submit to this “where I need to be” then I will no longer need to be anything else.

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