Maya is a bitch

Well, I haven’t been swarmed by a bunch of gleeful, flower-bikini-clad spiritual babes. Maybe that will still happen.

And my mortgage lender refuses to believe I don’t exist. The bastard.

Seriously, though.

It’s a no-big-deal kind of a thing. That’s not bad. That’s truth.

This technique is solid. You don’t exist.

It’s compelling and unrelenting. And it’s here in real life, not in the abstraction of meditation or concepts.

And what does it do for you?

Well, it’s truth. That’s big.

Is it enlightenment?

No, not really. Liberation?

Yes, of a sort. It’s liberation from the tyranny of the delusional self. That’s huge.

But not complete.

As Jed Mckenna says simply, Further. Go further. Don’t stop looking.

Keep testing it. Test it in real life.

When the no-you is seen, it is seen how we weave our delusions.  It is seen how we get caught up in the feedback loops of emotions, and where fear comes from. It is seen how this delusion holds up the past and the future.

And this technique develops honesty. That sounds weird, but it’s true.

It’s a big step.

But when you see it, conceptually, don’t stop. When you recognize, don’t stop. Just don’t stop.

That’s a mistake. The only mistake you can make.

Test it in real life. Keep testing it.

You can see this delusion in everything. You see it when you drink coffee and you see it when you are fighting and you see it when you lose your job and you see it when a pretty woman smiles at you.

Keep looking. It’s an easy, effortless kind of looking. Don’t think hard about it. It’s just looking. You’ll see it everywhere. You don’t exist.

And take your time with it. Be patient. Ease off.

But you do actually have to do it. So, look.


I’m thinking about this website now. Where to go from here. Things have shaken up in me. A fresh authenticity. A lot of confusion. I’m letting it be.

I want to keep it direct and helpful, in REAL LIFE, not in spirituality or mysticism.

Maybe a format of a forum can work better. Easier for people to discuss stuff. And techniques like “you don’t exist” and releasing, work better in a back-and-forth kind of format. I’ll give that some thought.

Right now, here is what I know:

1. You don’t exist. Start with this: It’s not like you existed and someone came by and gave you a body to call yours, and a mind to call yours, and a life to call yours, and awareness to call yours. A mind-body-awareness-life were born. You came later. You came as an idea.

2. Release. This is an important skill to learn. The release technique interrupts the mechanism through which emotions build up into confusing cycles in the mind and body. And cleans out what is already built up. Allow the emotion. Make space for it. Make even more space. And ask yourself if you can let it go. Then try to let go, even if you don’t know what it means to let go. Wash, rinse, repeat.

3. Test it in real life. If this stuff doesn’t work in real life, what’s the point?

4. Further. Keep going. Keep exploring awakened writers. I prefer simple, direct and contemporary. Stay away from that which you can’t test for yourself. I like Mckenna, Adyashanti, Tolle, Jacobson, O’keffe, Tollifson, and some others, for their directness and simplicity.

5. Surrender. I still have to work this a bit. I’m not clear on this yet. It’s not giving up the responsibility of your own salvation–that’s not it. But there is something here and I want to explore it.

6. Spiritual organizations are useless. Organizations of any sort are useless. The whole business of spirituality is part of the world’s inflexible structures which keep you trapped. I know, it sounds radical. Take a look. See that the people who chase spirituality do so because they are attached to their suffering. I mean look we spend a considerable portion of our lives trying to turn a bad self-image into a good self-image. That’s what self-improvement and spirituality and religion are all about. A self-image which doesn’t exist tries to improve itself–the whole thing is madness.

7. Meditation can be helpful. It doesn’t help you awaken. But I’m not ready to dismiss it completely. I don’t meditate much any more. But it can helpful in the same way yoga is helpful.

81 thoughts on “Maya is a bitch

  1. Jennifer

    “Take a look. See that the people who chase spirituality do so because they are attached to their suffering.”

    Definitely agree!! I think most spiritual “seekers” do this. I am finally being honest with myself and realizing that I am guilty of this too. People attach to their suffering or fear and pain so they feel as if they have an identity. They fear facing their true Selves in the NOW because their false identity will drop and they will be vulnerable and not under ego’s control. The truth is that joy, bliss, awakening, spirituality, truth, freedom, etc is NOW. Seeking it in the future just reinforces the game.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Yes, every spiritual seeker does this. It’s not a bad thing. Like tennis or golf, spirituality is another thing to do. It just doesn’t really have anything to do with awakening.

      Awakening is process of destruction.

  2. Evita

    Hi Kaushik

    Brilliant exploration of one’s authenticity. I think several, perhaps many of us are finding ourselves on that same path. For me, it is the same about being authentic, truly being me, and let the chips fall where they may. I am called and ready to delve into different more metaphysical topics, and so…. like wise I think where my site will go, but it will go where I lead it.

    Love the 7 points you finished off with. Blunt and powerful on so many levels. Thank you!

    1. Kaushik Post author

      People don’t actually look. This is the human condition–this is Maya. I mean the awakening thing is not terribly complicated. We don’t see clearly because we believe delusions. We’re unhappy because we don’t see clearly. We mess up the world because we’re unhappy.

      To see through the delusions, we have to look. We have to look inside.

      This seems to be the hardest step for us. We’ll do anything to avoid looking. We’ll meditate, we’ll chase spirituality and satsangs, we’ll create beautiful and symmetric theories and concepts and throw around pretty words like oneness and bliss. We’ll look for purpose. We’ll suffer. But we won’t actually look.

      And this is what I want to do now. Help people to actually look.

  3. StepVheN

    Kaushik. My friend. Well done. Really great news. I’ve been waiting for you. You were already a great man, now there is no limit to what you can achieve. Again well done

  4. Ralph

    This technique you speak of may give you an insight or a glimpse of your mistaken identity but that’s all it does. It’s not game over. The question is, how much of your egoic state of consciousness remains after this insight because this is what you are going to live with.

    I like what Adyashanti says in this clip about satori (awakenening) experiences. and how most people think of it or want it to be an ‘unending’ satori experience. Please watch, he explains this beautifully.

      1. Ralph

        Okay .. but as long as you keep going backwards. 🙂

        But first you have to do all that you can do, and then you have to learn non-doing. The doing of the non-doing is the greatest doing, and the effort of effortlessness is the greatest effort.

        ~ Osho

    1. Masi

      I’m with you, Ralph! Thanks so much for the youtube link, I feel like I recieved a beautiful gift. Thanks for sharing 🙂

      I also like Osho’s quote, and believe I came across it a while back when I started realizing the actual work and effort that was required to undo all those habitual thougths, reactions, emotions…

      1. Kaushik Post author

        Yeah, Adyashanti is great, and the little piece which Ralph shared is right on. Jed Mckenna, who some think is Adyashanti, is the one who really resonates with me right now.

        Osho always was the clear. He had a remarkable gift for explaining things in simple words.

        1. Masi

          I am not familiar with Jed McKenna but since you mention him often, I will go google him now. I have no idea why puppetji just came to mind just now! I should check him out too, he brings fun to enlightenment!

          Yes, Osho and simple words but to the ego the simple words/concepts are **mind-twisters** LOL 😀 Only when you experience and realize the true meaning of those words do you actually see the beauty that’s within them: “The doing of the non-doing is the greatest doing, and the effort of effortlessness is the greatest effort.”

  5. Nitin Panchal

    Good day Kaushikbhai,

    A particular MIND in Kaushik’s Body can think, explain and discuss with great deal is “YOU” isn’t it ? NOT any A B C can do that…..YOU or YOURSELF came after you have born, agreed with it but who is “THAT” making this great sense and and LOOKING it…?
    A body work per certain natural biological rules, it doesn’t matter who is the person or what is his/her thinking…..How does one’s mind works ? It does develops and trains with experience. You have achieved great understanding by step by step. Why? because of you were suffering from depression….And it became yours blessing.
    I admire you and admit that you have courage and guts to reach this far. I have not come to the understanding of “you do not exist” yet….I am getting there to see through it and looking it (even my own ego and action)
    Thank you.


    1. Kaushik Post author

      A particular MIND in Kaushik’s Body can think, explain and discuss with great deal is “YOU” isn’t it ?

      There is indeed a particular body and a particular mind. There is no me.

      A body work per certain natural biological rules, it doesn’t matter who is the person or what is his/her thinking

      There is no person.

      Yes, true. Depression was the motivator.

      I have not come to the understanding of “you do not exist” yet….I am getting there to see through it and looking it (even my own ego and action)

      It’s not your ego. It is ego. You don’t exist.

      I have not come to the understanding of “you do not exist” yet

      If you want to email, or connect on facebook or yahoo messenger, I can explain it better in back-and-forth manner.

  6. Philip

    Hey man sounds like you’ve made a break through, well done. What I found is once you realise that the self you thought was real, you thought was you, but it was in fact just a thought lodged in a mind pattern, is that everything still goes on. It’s like you may have realise something, that there is no singular centre, but those thoughts seem to keep on coming in, like they haven’t heard that you no longer believe in them, they seem to have this momentum. At first I found this disconcerting, but because the ‘I’ ‘thought was no longer there to greet them and be replenished or legitimised by them, (vanquished by reality) and I was aware of this all going on from a weird detached perspective. As you say it requires a great deal of vigilance and constant testing for authentication. I question every though and test it’s veracity.


  7. Evan

    I think that “And my mortgage lender refuses to believe I don’t exist.” is part of reality that needs to dealt with.

    Perhaps it is just words – the “I” is just ego or self-image or something. But then I want an account of how this relates to the organism – which the landlord is renting to.

    And I don’t really understand how the “I don’t exist” can take account of agency – like my choosing the words to type here.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      There is no landlord. A landlord is not necessary. A landlord does not exist. Examine the idea of why a landlord is not necessary and how it is that indeed a landlord does not exist.

      This is not a mystical thing. See this in real life. You do not exist.

      Choosing happens. It is not your choosing.

  8. Jeff Lapointe

    I wonder if the “I don’t exist” can also be something that has happened over time rather than “see it now?” Also, would this be a more common phenomenon rather than a clear epiphany? I have certainly come to see that I am not my degree, nor my community deeds, nor my adventurous traveller, nor the perfect husband or father. I don’t question anymore what I am because I can see the impermanence to it in every action with people. If I have an argument with my boss or get frustrated with my child these things come and go therefore I can not be these things that I stood for in that moment. The only thing I see as permanent is “my seeing” the process come and go(whoever “my” is). Sometimes there are emotions, physical reactions but all I can do is accept this “as is” as well.

    Is this awakening, liberation, enlightenment – no idea… for that would pose a question in a vacuum outside of my daily experience. However, there is definately something constant and that is “my seeing” it all before me. Is it joy? Is it peace? Is it bliss? I don’t know – it’s nothing I can describe other than to say it simply IS present in all my interactions. On the other hand, I don’t feel like I am connected to ever flowing love and bliss – but then again, perhaps this was one of the largest perceptions that I got wrong.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      I wonder if the “I don’t exist” can also be something that has happened over time rather than “see it now?”

      Yes. Look for the absence of you in everything. When you drink coffee from “your” coffee cup, see how it doesn’t make sense to say that, because the you which owns the cup does not refer to anything.

      Also, would this be a more common phenomenon rather than a clear epiphany?

      It’s true from any angle. The you does not refer to anything.

      If I have an argument with my boss or get frustrated with my child these things come and go therefore I can not be these things that I stood for in that moment.

      It’s not that the I is temporary. It’s that the I does not refer to anything.

      The only thing I see as permanent is “my seeing” the process come and go(whoever “my” is).

      It’s not your seeing. It’s just seeing.

      Is this awakening, liberation, enlightenment – no idea…

      It’s the clarity that a fundamental assumption that we hold to be true is not true.

      However, there is definately something constant and that is “my seeing” it all before me. Is it joy? Is it peace? Is it bliss? I don’t know – it’s nothing I can describe other than to say it simply IS present in all my interactions.


      On the other hand, I don’t feel like I am connected to ever flowing love and bliss – but then again, perhaps this was one of the largest perceptions that I got wrong.

      The thing that wants to be connected does not exist.

  9. Yvonne

    Hi Kaushik, and everyone

    I’ve been really enjoying reading these recent posts, even if lately I haven’t contributed much. (Been busy working on a novel.)
    Thank you all for all the sharing that helps each of us to come to the truth we are.
    The link below is to an excerpt from a book by Suzanne Segal, who had an unexpected sudden awakening. I first read it a few years ago, and I think it probably explains why for most of us this process is gradual. I ( who am of course not I at all, but language is as it is :-)) feel grateful when I re-read it for all my steps back and forth.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Hi Yvonne,

      A novel? Sounds intriguing!

      Good clip about Suzanne Segal.

      For most of us awakening is gradual–or rather incremental, because gradual implies slow. And I’ve been interested in what are the most effective ways to awaken.

      A place to start is to define awakening, which is tricky, because it will not be conceptualized. So we can say that awakening is the destruction of illusions we’ve built into ourselves. Why awaken? So we can live easily and naturally.

      There is now the tricky business that the “me” for which we do everything, including try to awaken, does not exist. So it seems that’s the first thing to see through.

      A release technique is immensely helpful.

      And so on, brings it back to the seven points in the article. And I wonder now if awakening really has to be three-steps-back-two-forward kind of thing. If the false I is seen through, wouldn’t it be full steam ahead?

      Maya is indeed a bitch. All the forces in the universe work for her. All except one–Truth. Truth, however, is feeble force, until we develop self-honesty.

      I don’t know if it’s full-steam ahead because my experience is not complete. But it seems like a reasonable thing to test.

      Hope you’re well!


    2. Jeff Lapointe

      Read this excerpt over the weekend and it really helped me shift my perception a little bit more. A fascinating read and yet she died only a year or two later. How very strange , in the awakening of life that our life situation should remove us.

      Thank you again.

  10. Yvonne

    Hi Kaushik,
    I agree incremental is a better word than gradual to describe awakening.
    I love your definition of awakening by the way, and I agree it can’t really be defined, but this comes pretty close.
    Oddly, I read your reply this morning and it didn’t seem to click with me, came back later and it did.

    I keep thinking about your point: “And I wonder now if awakening really has to be three-steps-back-two-forward kind of thing. If the false I is seen through, wouldn’t it be full steam ahead?”
    It didn’t seem to be like that for Suzanne Segal, which is why I posted the link. But it also seems as though each of us, need to experience this for ourselves. I’m also aware that what I think I see in you – a belief that fully ‘getting’ this sense of no ‘I’ will mean freedom – is a reflection of my own state. I keep looking for the big bang that will set me completely free. I have had glimpses, and then I’ve run away, told myself it wasn’t real, that I made it up etc. I’ve done this in many ways – broken through the limitations I believed were mine, and then experienced confusion and reverted to what I thought I knew. It’s partly why I had writer’s block for so long.

    Memories of two incidents from my childhood came to me today and seem relevant. At about ten or so I was swimming – far better than I’d ever swum before. I felt in rhythm, in the flow, though I could never have said that then. And what I thought instead was that I felt like I wasn’t me, I was L, my friend.
    At 16 or so, one day in art class, I was talkative, bouncy, not the usual shy person I believed myself to be then. I enjoyed this feeling, felt free. Others commented on the change in me. I felt scared, thought maybe I was being silly, felt out of control, reined myself (my ‘self’?) back in.

    Recently I’ve been noticing and releasing an urge to take drastic action, to force change, and its counterpart, resistance. For me right now welcoming and releasing this push and pull is my way – I was going to write forward, but it’s not forward it’s – the closest I can think of it “in’. It’s my way in.

    Thank you again for this, you really are providing a great service here.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      What you see in me is a belief of a quick awakening. It’s good that you recognize this and are aware of it.

      But note all ways in which we avoid awakening. We will analyze it, play with the semantics, try to conceptually understand what it means…I visit a forum where a couple of people simply can’t get past what “you” means in “You do not exist.” Evan who comments here does not want to give up his beliefs in an independent agency with free will who is running the show.

      We will do everything except look.

      Awakening is not that difficult, though my experience with it is not complete, so I can only talk about it up to my pay-grade, and not too interested in what happens in the future, except the very next step. The very next step for me is to keep looking. Embodied patterns and fear remain. I have to see what that is all about.

      When you recognize “you do not exist” it is not enlightenment. It’s an awakening of a sort. We are all awakening, that’s why you come here, but it’s three-steps-forward-two-back because everything we do, we do for a false sense of self. It’s perfectly okay to want to awaken for egoic reasons. I got into this for the most trivial suffering–a relationship did not go in the direction I wanted it to. That’s completely okay, because the underlying reason is always the wish to live more naturally, because we know intuitively it is possible to live more naturally than we do.

      Honesty can help in awakening, but the trouble with honesty is that even when we think we are honest, we are only looking at what we see, and what we see is often manufactured. This is why even very honest people get stuck in spirituality and practices and even very honest people fool themselves.

      We could say it’s courage, we could say it’s many things, but the trouble is that as long as there is false sense of self, we are working with blunt instruments. It’s easy to get trapped.

      And so that’s what this does, this seeing that “I do not exist”, it brings about clarity and honesty. You will no longer be working with blunt instruments.

      Take a look. You do not exist. How is that true in your life? Look.


  11. Ralph

    I like this quote :

    ” We have created this false sense of self and then we go looking from that point of view to try to find out what we really are. “

  12. Sarah

    “I mean look we spend a considerable portion of our lives trying to turn a bad self-image into a good self-image. ” AMEN!

    I haven’t read the author’s you referenced. I have watched some Tolle videos. Kind of after the fact for me. What I know of him is that he observed himself because he was miserable. The rest, the whole “technique” of it, came after.

    I am certain awakening requires no study or intellectual power. I would like to assist people in cutting out the crap from their lives. There’s no need to live in pain. And society is an agreement between people. The saner the people (being awake seems like baseline sanity to me), the better.

    In the end, being is it. Just being. In social terms, this means being a model of behavior for others and letting them realize for themselves over time that peace is possible. Respecting your own borders helps others learn their own.

    I’m sure it comes off in layers. Layer after layer. And I have no interest in counting how deep I am. But I do appreciate the space you’ve created on your blog. I appreciate being able to dip-in and know that the conversation is alive.


    1. Kaushik Post author

      Beautiful comment, Sarah.

      Yes, it is that simple–it is being. We don’t have to learn how to be.

      And yet, for most of us, awakening to what we truly are is complicated. I’m beginning to think that the false idea of “I” is what sabotages all our efforts to awaken.

      Tolle’s awakening fell on his head. He observed himself, it seems, just at the right time. It’s a bit sacrilegious to say but I don’t put a lot of faith in Tolle’s techniques. He’s good at pointing out what it is to be asleep (pain-body, ego) and good at pointing out what it is to be awake (awareness, presence, acceptance) but not so good as to how to actually get there.

      It doesn’t take intellectual power. It doesn’t even take courage or honesty. It just takes a willingness to look.

      Yes, layers.


      1. Masi

        “It just takes a willingness to look”. But then it takes courage to keep looking and honesy not to close your eyes and pretend you didn’t see.

        1. Kaushik Post author

          Well, yes, indeed. But people make a big deal of the pre-requisites. You must be honest, you must be courageous, you must dedicated….and so on. It gives the impression that to awaken you must have special skills and intellect and so on.

          You only have to be willing to look. Everything else will develop.

          Just look. You do not exist.

          1. Ralph

            I agree that it does not take special skills and intellect but it does take brutal honesty and tremendous courage because to truly ‘face yourself’ is the hardest thing for one to do because of the belief system that is in place.

            Most will do anything but face themselves and this is why they are stuck .

              1. Ralph

                Bullshit ! … you can’t see it because you are still stuck in your belief that you are a separate person.

                Investigate ‘you’ … looking alone will not do it.

        2. Janice R.

          I totally agree Masi. From my viewpoint, I have been given courage that I did not know even existed. If you had seen some of the crap that has came out of me you would believe that it takes courage and the willingess “to walk through fire” to get to the other side.
          I do not have that kind of strength, it comes to me when pain arises. I don’t know jack shit, but, I do know for me, there has been tons of breaking away and loss. I don’t believe everyone has to suffer through this but I do believe that everyone’s experience is their own.

          1. Masi

            But then there’s some that still choose to go with fear instead, beacuse of all the mind perceptions and habits. This is what I beleive free will is. It gets frustrating when you have the will to get through but are stuck with all the mind processes. And, that’s why it’s important to **see** that YOU do not exist, and die to yourself when the moment arises.

            1. Masi

              I should say that there are instances when we choose to go with fear instead…. the choice is ours, but we have to be clear what we are choosing! The mind can and will make it tricky, I believe, if that’s what it’s been trained to do.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Good article, Yvonne. It’s another way to say you don’t exist. It’s not your life. It’s just life. Thanks for the link!

    2. Masi

      This is it!!

      It was about 8 months ago or so, when I was questioning my seeking journey… all the spiritual books and blogs, all the discussions, realizations, etc. I was tired of it all… I took myself to the basics, let’s stay a peasant in a village – how could he be more natural than me, an enlightenment seeker?? I realized that this seeker in me is yet another role. I do not exist.

  13. Ralph

    Thank you Yvonne, I really enjoyed reading that.

    ” Life restlessly seeks, yearning for itself. The seeking is the restlessness. This play of worldly existence is imbued with life’s haunted longing for itself, seeking but never finding within the imagery in which it seeks. What is sought all along is this in which the seeking is playing out. ”

    There is simply life with no one living it. Yes, This is it !

  14. Ralph

    hmm… if ‘you do not exist’ than ‘I must not exist’, then who or what am I ? …who are you ? …. why are we talking as if there is an ‘I’ and a ‘you’ ? … what keeps this separation real ? … is there really only one of us ? .. what keeps this game of separation going ?

    I’m so confused ? … who is confused ?

    I give up… oh!, now I see.

    1. Masi

      When you speak of a path to truth, it implies that truth, this living reality, is not in the present, but somewhere in the distance, somewhere in the future. Now to me, truth is fulfillment, and to fulfillment there can be no path. So it seems, to me at least, that the first illusion in which you are caught is this desire for assurance, this desire for certainty, this inquiry after a path, a way, a mode of living whereby you can attain the desired goal, which is truth. Your conviction that truth exists only in the distant future implies imitation. When you inquire what truth is, you are really asking to be told the path which leads to truth. Then you want to know which system to follow, which mode, which discipline, to help you on the way to truth. But to me there is no path to truth; truth is not to be understood through any system, through any path. A path implies a goal, a static end, and therefore a conditioning of the mind and the heart by that end, which necessarily demands discipline, control, acquisitiveness. This discipline, this control, becomes a burden; it robs you of freedom and conditions your action in daily life. Inquiry after truth implies a goal, a static end, which you are seeking. And that you are seeking a goal shows that your mind is searching for assurance, certainty. To attain this certainty, mind desires a path, a system, a method which it can follow, and this assurance you think to find by conditioning mind and heart through self-discipline, self-control, suppression. But truth is a reality that cannot be understood by following any path. Truth is not a conditioning, a shaping of the mind and heart, but a constant fulfillment, a fulfillment in action. That you inquire after truth implies that you believe in a path to truth, and this is the first illusion in which you are caught.

      ~J. Krishnamurti – Public Talk 2nd January, 1934

      1. Kaushik Post author

        Good quotation, Masi. Seeking seems to be necessary to see that it isn’t. I don’t know if there’s a way realize the truth of this without seeking.

        1. Ralph

          Let the seeking play itself out. You have no other choice, do you ?

          …because if you do , I like to hear about it. After you had enough, it may dawn on you that the seeking will not be found within the imagery in which it seeks.

          1. Kaushik Post author

            You have to look.

            The only mistake here is when people stop looking. This is the problem with the RT guys. They believe that seeing through the lie of the self is enlightenment, and so they’ve stopped looking.

            So to say that we have to stop seeking is not quite right. It may have been right for Osho at one particular time. But Adyashanti and Jed Mckenna and Nisgardatta and many others kept looking until they were done.

            But it’s also not wrong to say that seeking has to exhaust itself. Surrender can come from exhaustion.

            The kind of seeking that people do, through religion and spirituality and special practices–that kind of seeking is useless. It can stabilize the unenlightened state but it does nothing to wake people up, and in fact I think people flock to spirituality as way of remaining attached to their stories of suffering.

            The kind of seeking that people do where they try to reach for special states of mind–that kind of seeking is useless. Seeking to change, seeking revelations, seeking to confirm comfortable beliefs–all that is useless.

            As long as the lie of the self is active, all the instruments that we use for awakening are blunted. Meditation, awareness, releasing, observing, honesty, courage–all of these are good instruments but they are blunted by the lie of the self. Once we see through this lie, all our awakening instruments are far more effective.

            So it is not really seeking which holds us back. It is that while the lie of the self is active, our seeking is very confused. All the seeking we do is for and by a self which does not exist.

            The lie has to be seen through.

            But the looking cannot stop.

          2. Kaushik Post author

            Another way to shed light on the seeking/no-seeking business is to realize that it is Truth which is looking through lies to find itself. There can be no finding, because Truth is the conspicuous obviousness of YOU, in the present, and so there’s no sense in seeking what you already are. What has to be done is not the seeking of Truth, but the destruction of lies. Destroying the lie of who you think you are is a good place to start.

          3. Janice R.

            I don’t know what the heck that means BUT, I think you maybe correct. I can feel things in my body now that I couldn’t before and your imagery comment feels true. I’ll tell you why, for me, anything I can imagine is not my awakening, anything that I can dream up in my head is not awakening. Whether I know I exist or I don’t know I exist, the way to my truth, I believe will be, being present in this moment. If I can’t speak Chinese, or understand that I don’t exist, or get to attend a retreat with Adya, I still will not live in “balance” without trusting/experiencing this present moment. And that this moment will take care of “me” or should I say everything.
            I love ya, Mr. K., but I feel called to practice presence. I cannot wrap my brain around the “I don’t exist” thing. I don’t disbelieve it, I just don’t find it enlightening. I suppose it is something that I just don’t understand, therefore, I don’t find it interesting.
            Love & Light, Janice
            P.S. If I sound defensive, it is not intentional. I just want you to write about something I can relate too. I am not having fun right now.

            1. Kaushik Post author

              To see that you don’t exist takes only looking. There are many reasons we won’t look, and only one reason to actually look.

              Truth has truth going for it. Delusion has everything else going for it.

            2. Ralph

              Janice, the truth is that who we take ourselves to be IS what stands in the way of seeing our true nature which is Awareness (Presence) itself, that is all one needs to see but we all have our own ways to come to this realization.
              I understand what you mean when you say that you cannot wrap your brain around this “I don’t exist” thing because until it is seen , it will mean nothing but when it is seen you will perhaps see that YOU do exist but not as an individual separate self but as Life itself, … you are ALL of it !! In truth, there is no life outside this moment. It is all appearing NOW , beliefs is what stands in the way and keeps us in separation..

              Take your time, don’t try to hard, you are one of the few that is questioning your belief system,…. look around you, can you see how many are stuck in their belief systems without having a clue that they are stuck and blindly accepting their thoughts as who they are ? Consider yourself lucky that you are doing the investigation to wake up !.

              The ‘insights’ are great fun but the ‘seeking’ not as much. and wanting to end the search before its time is unbearable.

              Hang in there. 🙂

              1. Janice R.

                Funny you should notice that my beliefs have been in question. I have had this illusion/belief, as far back as I can remember, that I have control over certain aspects of my life. I have made the list of all the things I can fix. Well, not only is the list ridiculous, it has items on it that I have worked on my entire life and they are still not fixed. However, they have been on the list so long that they feel like companions to me.

                These beliefs and structures are getting wobbly. I really believed that I had not gotten a pay raise in the past 2 years because my work has not been creative enough. Well, I found out today that one of the men in our leadership team, who I was certain was getting raises, has not had a pay increase in over 3 years. Simple example, but this lesson has been happening to me over and over for months now.
                Beliefs about myself are being exposed all the time and usually what I believe is true is almost always completely false or I came at from the wrong angle. My pride and ego feel like they are in a street fight and they are getting their asses kicked.
                Thanks for listening. Hope you are well. Janice

                1. Kaushik Post author

                  Janice, look. You started to question everything a few months ago. It seemed to start when your beliefs about God begin to unravel. Doesn’t matter how it started but it’s good. Most people live and die without having this first nudge to question.

                  You’re now flailing. You’re looking for that one little secret which will make a loud clicking sound in your head and make it all okay. You are looking for something which will make you feel better.

                  I certainly do not have any secrets. What I do is lay it out there, as authentically as I can, lay out what’s going on, for anyone to see. Jed Mckenna calls it spiritual autolysis — self-digestion — it’s actually very descriptive, because it is a process of destroying who you think you are. Except I’m doing it out here, in the open. And in this process there have been some helpful discoveries.

                  Here’s one discovery: Releasing is good. Releasing helps constrain the dualistic extremes. It’s not enlightening, but it easies the anxieties and worries of life. So learn to release. You have to actually do it. Actually try the technique.

                  Here’s another discovery: Beliefs are useless lies. Life has no purpose except to live. This is not nihilistic. It is freedom.

                  I’ve talked about many techniques of awakening here. Awareness, self-inquiry, meditation, releasing, presence, acceptance…and so on. They’re still all good. Ultimately, all these techniques are really just willingness and noticing.

                  These are all good. You’re trying to use these techniques in various ways, even though you may not call them techniques. You’re questioning. You talk about presence. You frequently get angry. You are frequently afraid.

                  This is fine. It’s the process. It’s normal and usual, though to you it seems unfamiliar and weird right now.

                  But look. Until the lie of you is seen through, all of these methods are blunted.

                  That’s an important and recent discovery: See that you don’t exist.

                  Don’t believe it. See it.

                  It’s not magic. It’s not mystical. It’s not hard to understand. Don’t believe it. Just be willing. Be open.

                  1. Janice R.

                    Mr. K.,
                    You have described my process accurately. I am angry and anxious and very afraid. I am scared to death that I am powerless.
                    Love ya,

                    1. Kaushik Post author

                      You are not angry. There is anger. You are not angry because you do not exist.
                      You are not scared to death. There is fear.
                      You are not powerless. There is a feeling of powerlessness. You do not exist.

        2. Masi

          Yes,Krishnamurti’s words are meant for the seeker of truth, the one who is stuck within the illusion of seeking; not for the one who has not yet taken the journey to truth.

  15. Philip

    I think the problem. Is just that I think…problem. Thought is give far too much status by the organism. Though is picked up by our receiver the brain, we don’t have control over thought. Thoughts are just continuing to broadcast in light a radio station..The problem is that we believe thought to be true when it is just thought. It’s like believing that a photo of an orange is in fact the orange. Thoughts are real in that they exist but the thought of something is just a thought a passing package of information it is not the thing, it is not true. Once you see this thought of fear or anxiety may still arise triggered by another thought or a situation that the mind usually associates with this kind of reaction, but you see it for what it is, it no longer has a self to refer to or lodge in. This realisation is the direct, effortless looking, not believing, conceptualising, idealising or thinking labelling analysing just looking and seeing with all of this out aside.
    I think there is method in the madness of the RT crowd. You have to take no prisoners in this first step of seeing the lie of self-deception. The thought ‘self is so incredibly resilient to all challenges, it is adaptable, and chameleon like it can take on any disguise and would prefer attack, denial and conflict rather than be ignored. It has prevailed for all this time after all. That’s why the gentle new age approach, as well as that of Eckhart Tolle has failed (as much as I love him), there is no room for sentimentality or pity, this thing is the plague and it will be the end of us all. The host needs to be aware of the infection.

    I was watching Michael Moore’s film on capitalism the other night, he is right the core principles of capitalism would be cool without the ingredient of human greed and self-serving selfishness in other words without ‘self’. But there is no point in bringing it down without that fundamental structural transformation of the humans psyche.Self will still continue to wreak havoc on the planet but just in another form.

    Cheers Phil

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Yes, absolutely, the lie of the self must be killed. That’s the fundamental. That’s the only chance humanity has.

      I had a chat with Ciaran yesterday. I thanked him for this technique–it’s direct, unrelenting, focused, and it works. I told him there is further to go. He feels that once you see this, you must go about helping others see it.

      I feel a little differently. I feel having seen the lie of the self, I want help others see it and I want to keep looking. As Jed Mckenna says, Further. Further.

      I like the RT guys take-no-prisoner approach, and in fact it is necessary to maintain a laser-focus to see the lie, and to see beyond, and to help others see it. I don’t agree with all their tactics. When the motivation behind the tactics is to maintain laser focus, that’s good. But you can see that often people just get caught up in the culture of insults and dismissal.

      I do it differently. See the lie. Be focused, be honest, give up all the crap you think you know, and just look at this one thing, and look at it in real life.

      And when you see it, don’t stop. Further. Further.

      And yes, help others see it, because anything else would be cowardly.

      1. Jeff Lapointe

        “And yes, help others see it, because anything else would be cowardly.”

        Cowardly? Any observation requires courage to defy the status quo.

        Be weary that helping and serving others is one of the egos best ways of maintaining itself. Do you see it? One will only know “true” service when we let go of “I” completely – when we stop needing to ask questions. Until then, we are playing with fire and feeding it so we must also observe this consequence.

        Have you stopped needing to ask questions?

        1. Kaushik Post author

          Helping people is why this web site exists. In the beginning the reasons were egoic–to sell books, to help my own evolution, for validation, etc–but those movements are gone.

          It’s kind of easy now, now just laying what’s going on inside out here.

          And now, having seen through the false I, I have different approach. I see now that all the instruments we use for awakening are blunted. Meditation, awareness, release, inquiry–these are good instruments but they are blunted against the lie of the self.

          And so the two things I want recommend to people is first see that you do not exist, and two, learn how to release. Because–and this is where I diverge from the RT guys–even after seeing through the false self, there is further to go. Embodied patterns remain and they can be released.

          And in this business of awakening, it’s easy to whip out platitudes. Some will say to look hard; others say to stop seeking. Some say you must have honesty. Some say you must have courage.

          Yes, honesty and courage and effort and effortlessness are needed, but none of these is a pre-requisite. To begin, we just need to notice, which is innate, and we need willingness. The rest of it develops as we go along.

          Yes, there are more questions.


          1. Ralph

            Kaushik and others, … check out these 2 clips from Scott Kiloby.

            The Middle Way is freedom from dualistic extremes. It is freedom from fixed viewpoints about yourself, others, and the world. But it is also freedom from fixed viewpoints that there is no self, no other, and no world. It is freedom from fixed views such as “everything exists separately” and “nothing exists.”

            The Middle Way (part 1)

            The Middle Way (part 2)

            What do you think ?.. any comments ?

            1. Philip


              Yeah! Great Scott is just an ordinary guy with some good simple things to say about a profound subject.


            2. Kaushik Post author

              I generally like what Scott has to say, and this is no different. There is truth here.


              I’m all about direct seeing right now. And helping people to see through their idea of self. It starts from there.

    1. Kaushik Post author

      Life sees the no-me. Life-awareness-consciousness-being-That, or whatever you prefer to call it.

      A me is not necessary and it is not real.

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