“We can understand only that which we have risen above.”  –Vernon Howard

Ah, here it is.

Life has sweetness to it–an easy flow.

After four years of seeking, and turmoil and confusion, here is the easy peace that was always here.

The effort has fallen away.

Go ahead and dive into self-discovery. Yes, it does take courage and honesty. And yes, there is a shaking up, some turmoil. You may feel you’re worse off than before for while. Maybe for a long while. Facing your self is not easy.

You don’t really have a choice anyway. Awakening chooses you.

Now, I’ve circled back to the technique which Ramana Maharshi and Nisgardatta suggest. Simply abiding in the sense of “I am”, resting in amness, awareness of awareness.

This is very simple, though the simplicity is difficult to understand, because the mind is used to doing and getting.

I’ll write more about it as experience deepens.

Lessons learned:

  • Most people feel uneasy. Everyone wants to be happy. Happiness (the peace that surpasseth understanding, and all that) is in our true essential nature. But we don’t see this, because we have to come to believe we are the fictitious self we conjure up in the mind. Awakening is letting go of this delusional identification.
  • Internal observance and internal honesty are essential.
  • Observing thoughts, without judging or controlling or interpreting, is a great way to start.
  • Releasing is a very effective way to let go of harsh emotions such as anxiety, worry, and so on.
  • Internal honesty is not easy but it does develop with intention.
  • It isn’t easy to face ourselves. When you dive into this self-discovery you may be surprised, disappointed, and shocked at first, because what you expected was peace, and what you get at first is turmoil.
  • “Do not seek truth; instead cease to cherish opinion.”
  • Whatever offends or angers me about someone else, is usually something I’m afraid of inside me.
  • Anxiety can be released.
  • Depression is self-hatred. It is emotions of anger and judgment turned inward. The psychological aspects of depression can be released.
  • The fictitious self is motivated by fear.
  • Be wary of attachment to “spirituality”. Spirituality is about getting and becoming; Awakening is about letting go and being. Be wary of the “spritualized” ego. It’s a tough nut to crack.
  • You cannot cover up your fear and unease and suffering by “positive thinking” or spiritual beliefs, though people try very hard to do just that. It’s more effective to accept, allow, love, and release what you fear in yourself.
  • Acceptance is not something you do–it’s something you stop doing. You stop resisting.
  • Compassion and gratitude are pretty good heart practices–but not pre-requisites to awakening. They develop naturally as by-products.
  • There is great confusion about whether to “seek” or not seek. Seeking is the lurching from what is perceived to be “wrong” to what is projected to be “right”. Seeking is essential–this is the human drama, which Jed Mckenna says is the “right up there with the illusion of separateness and certainty of free will.” The projected goal of seeking is an illusion, and yet, there isn’t anything wrong with seeking, in fact, it’s critical. At some point you see the truth of the dynamic of seeking, and then the effort behind it falls away.

6 thoughts on “Ease

  1. Mikkel

    4 days ago I committed energetic suicide. This is so unbelievable that Im still in chok! It is so unbelievable that I considered if I should change my name in order to manifest my own death psychologically, because I really died in every sense of the word, and the last 4 days have been the best I have ever had in my entire life!

    Suddenly it came to me, that the moments I wanted to commit suicide, I had already let go of everything already within the decision of it. I have experienced this every time I have been suicidal, and those moments have been many but always short, and I have never been aware of it until now.

    The suicidal state made it possible for me to see myself, and to see for the first time what to let go of. It wasn´t me, who should let go. I should let go of myself. When it happened, I also realized how ridiculously easy it really was, and that all the fighting was only about doing the wrong things.

    I spent a couple of hours to examine my new state with all the most haunting images, that I could think of. I had let go of all of that. I still had a suspicion that this could be something I was making up. It is all made up. What matters is, which reality level will last longer. Awakening happens in steps.

    It is life confirming for me, that emotionally everything feels exactly the same now as it did before. Im the one who has changed, not the emotions. I confronted my emotions systematically to see this, and it was hard to stop laughing.

    Suffering is not a thing but the absent of things. All we want is to be present in a particular character. Life can be reduced to ease and unease. All we are heading for is ease, because that means presence of a dream character. Ultimately unease is not a character at all. It is the momentum of the collapse of an illusion.

    Severe prolonged suffering is when the illusion keeps coming back and collapse over and over. We keep slipping back into it, because a part of us still believe in it and it becomes the center of attention of our dream character, time wise. Our dream character always has a direction, but it would be reasonable to change it as soon as it turns out not to work. That’s the fine balance between life and death, one shouldn’t give up something before its necessary, and I think that’s why letting go takes its time when something is really worth fighting for. And that’s why letting go might be easier when you know that your goal is beyond reality. Its easier to let go of someone who passed away than someone who only disappeared.

    I believe that there are such relatively satisfactory presence of life to be found in anything. When we go through a depression we still witness all kinds of small things that we normally would associate with pleasure, but when all of our attention is given to the suffering, we are not present in those moments. Lightening a cigarette or eating a steak might cause a sensation that we interpret as something we like to do, but that’s not true. We don’t enjoy anything during a depression, and that’s because our attention is not present enough. Being at ease is when someone is able to animate a flow and productivity with a certain degree of attention. Suffering is when the unease is given attention enough to block everything else. It can be reduced to the amount of time spent thinking about it.

    I realized why my sexual frustration went on and on forever, and didn’t allow me to go on with anything else in my life. The suffering was the experience of something that I lost repeatedly, not only once, because my attention was caught not only by the error of the illusion but in the strong quest for it. I suddenly realized that I should let go of that subconscious quest that had no validity in real life.

    For me, death in the most direct sense, was the catalyst. I have let go of something that has been the very fundament of my being through all my life. I have never in my wildest dreams thought it was possible. Even if I should slip back into my previous state of mind, at least I know exactly what to do.



    1. Kaushik Post author

      Good, Mikkel. It sounds like you’ve crossed a threshold. You’ve released. Let it be, don’t draw any conclusions from it yet.

      1. Mikkel

        It has been 2 weeks now. I have felt an extreme change in everything, yet I felt it neccesary to spent most time observing just to maintain my new state of life. I often feel a lack of emotional memory especially the harder I try to observe it, so it takes longer time for me. When I wake up in the morning I feel like a computer starting up, and the more programmes it has, the longer it takes.

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